Husband not obliged to show wife private messages

Question

Assalaamualaikum respected panel. First of all, I would like to say that I trust my husband and that he is a pious man who fears Allah and does his best to act upon the rulings of Islam, and I trust that he will never lie or betray me, Allah willing. My question is regarding his male friends, coworkers, etc. I know that guys share "certain jokes" adn pass "certain remarks" to each other and just laugh about it; I mean dirty jokes and such. And I know that all men do it. They talk about different things in different manners and just laugh about it. My husband shares every kind of thing with me, whether it be a dirty joke or any unusual experience he has or ever had. Last night, however, he was texting one of his friends and just texted him a dirty joke, and he deleted it so that I would not read it. When I asked him about it, he said that he thought that if I would know that they sometimes share these kinds of jokes with each other, I would think bad about him; and that when they come to our house, he does not want that his wife knows that they share such kind of jokes sometimes. I said and assured him that I love him and know that all men share jokes and pass comments about certain things and that there is nothing serious about it, so he does not have to worry about me thinking bad about him; on the other hand, if he deletes messages from his friends or hides these (unharmful) things from me, then I might get suspicious and think bad things, which I do not want. So not deleting these intentionally and rather sharing them with me will make me even closer to him, and I will respect and love him even more  for that. If he hides these things, I might think something bad about what he may be hiding from me, which is what the devil wants. My husband wanted me to search on the Internet whether he should hide or delete his talks so that I cannot read them or whether I should know that they are just having a laugh together and fully know about it so that no seeds of doubt get planted. Thank you. Please, reply soon.

Answer

All perfect praise be to Allah, The Lord of the worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allah and that Muhammad  is His slave and Messenger. 

If your husband is religious and pious as you mentioned, then how excellent a husband he is! You should be keen on doing everything that could strengthen the relationship between you and him. You should think good of him, as this is Islamically required and even more confirmed in regard to the spouses, as they have a strong relationship which Allah described as a solemn covenant. Allah says (what means): {…and they have taken from you a solemn covenant?} [Quran 4:21]

You should advise him in regard to what you described as dirty jokes. There is nothing wrong with joking between colleagues as long as it does not exceed Islamic etiquette. Abu Hurayrah, may Allah be pleased with him, narrated, “They (the Companions) said, ‘O Messenger of Allah! You joke with us?’ He said, ‘Indeed I do not say except what is true.’” [At-Tirmithi]

Ignoring such Islamic etiquette and taking it lightly may lead to what is more serious.

Your husband is permitted to delete these messages and not allow you to see them, and you have no right to oblige him to show you these messages or any other messages. Perhaps it is more appropriate for you to concentrate on what strengthens your relationship with your husband and what strengthens one's faith by holding religious sessions at home or attending them in Islamic centers and so on; this is what will protect you and him from temptation.

We stress what we have mentioned earlier about warning your husband about those dirty jokes so that he would close the door before the devil to prevent him from spoiling the relationship between you and your husband. One of the main objectives of the devil is to separate between lovers.

Jaabir, may Allah be pleased with him, narrated that the Prophet  said, “Indeed, Iblees (Satan) places his throne upon water; he then sends out his troops. The nearest to him in rank are those who are most notorious in creating dissension. One of them comes and says, ‘I did such and such,’ and Satan says, ‘You have done nothing.’ Then one amongst them comes and says, ‘I did not spare so-and-so until I sowed the seed of discord between him and his wife.’ Satan brings him nearer to him and says, ‘You have done well.’” [Muslim]

Allah knows best.

-islamweb.net