Man obliged to spend on wife and unmarried daughters

Question

Assalaamualaikum. My father is not spending on my mother, who has been critically ill for a long time. Actually, ever since our childhood, he is just providing food and also provides education to us; he never gives any money for other things like clothing or other needs. I am married now, and he did not gave me a single penny for my marriage as he told me that I was working so he could not give me anything. I am working as a teacher and am now married. Now, when my mother is not well, he also does not give anything for her medicines, and when he is asked for money, he stops talking with us and always fights. Praise be to Allaah, He never lets us down, but now my mother needs surgery, which will take place in another state, and we are just two sisters and one brother with her, and we know that he will not pay anything, so I told my mother not to ask as we already know the answer. He is not a poor person; he has quite good properties and earns well. He even prays five times daily, but ever since our childhood, we have heard his abusive language. Now there is the matter of my mother, and he is still not spending on her, and her condition is critical, but he does not care. I want to ask if I may stop talking to him as it is high time, and we always forgive him, but his torture is getting unbearable now. Whenever I go home, he abuses me and says that I am interfering with their matters and tells me to go away. I only go there to visit my mother. If I stop talking to him now and for ever, then I will be punished according to Islam, and what is his punishment for causing so much pain to his family? I have two sisters that are still unmarried, and he does not even care for them. What am I to do? I am helpless and want to completely sever my relation with him as I cannot see my family suffer like this because of him. How is Allaah giving to him even though he is torturing his family like this? Please pray for my mother as her surgery is really critical. Please pray for her as she has already faced so much in life because of my father.

Answer

All perfect praise be to Allah, The Lord of the worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allah and that Muhammad, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, is His slave and Messenger.

We ask Allah, The Exalted, to grant your mother a complete recovery that leaves behind no disease. We also ask Him to guide your father to the truth, cause him to come to his senses, and rectify his affairs. We advise you to frequently supplicate Allah in their favor. Indeed, Allah is Near and He answers the supplications of those who invoke Him. He commands us to supplicate Him and promises to answer our supplications; He says (what means): {And when My servants ask you [O Muhammad] concerning Me - indeed I am near. I respond to the invocation of the supplicant when he calls upon Me. So let them respond to Me [by obedience] and believe in Me that they may be [rightly] guided.} [Quran 2:186] 

It is an obligation on your father to provide for your mother, and for your sisters if they have no wealth of their own until they get married and the marriage is consummated. If he falls short in this obligation, then he is sinful for it. ‘Abdullaah ibn ‘Umar, may Allah be pleased with him, reported that the Prophet, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said, "It is enough sin for a person to neglect providing for his dependents." [Abu Daawood] 

If you have access to his wealth, then you may take from it what he is obliged to provide, even if it is done without his knowledge. Hind bint ‘Utbah, may Allah be pleased with her, said, "O Messenger of Allah! Abu Sufyaan is a miser and he does not give me what is sufficient for me and my children. Can I take from his wealth without his knowledge?" The Prophet, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said, "Take what is sufficient for you and your children, a reasonable amount." [Al-Bukhaari] 

There is no doubt that it is unbecoming of the father to cause such pain to his own children and abuse them as such. The father is often loving and compassionate towards his children, keen to serve their best interests and ward off any harm befalling them rather than incurring harm on them, especially his daughters. Hence, it is advisable that you should investigate the matter and try to find out the reason for such actions on his part. You should try to solve the problem by means of an apology if you have fallen short in fulfilling his due rights over you or by removing any possible misunderstanding between you and him on any given issue. 

You should bear in mind that you are enjoined to show dutifulness and kindness towards your father regardless of his abuse. You should keenly beware of committing undutifulness, even by the least offense. You should know that forsaking your father and refraining from talking to him are considered aspects of the prohibited undutifulness to parents. If he does not want you to visit him and visiting him would cause any harm, then you should seek other means to the uphold ties of kinship with him, such as calling him or the like. 

Allah knows best.

-islamweb.net