The Beauty of Islam Changed My Life

 

Like many who have come before me and many who will come after me, I have felt a dramatic shift in my life when I came to Islam.

Many describe this as a lifting of fog. Some have said that it feels like a weight being removed from their shoulders.

So have they not traveled through the earth and have hearts by which to reason and ears by which to hear? For indeed, it is not eyes that are blinded, but blinded are the hearts which are within the breasts. (22:46)For me, it was as if I had been seeing life through smudged glasses. Everything was blurry. I often walked right into traps and walked away from goodness for the simple fact that I could not see clearly.

To this day, chapter Al-Hajj, verse 46 of the Quran impacts me in a very profound way because I have known what blindness of the heart feels like.

It is like wearing smudged glasses, not being able to see the beauty in the world or danger when it comes your way. But it is also sense that something is very wrong, but not knowing that you are living a life obscured from reality.

I spent a few years as a young adult wandering in this blindness until God granted my fumbling, grasping, and desperate soul, guidance. But Islam has given me so much more than clear vision, it has shown me the path, given me purpose, perspective, and offered protection.

Islam opened my eyes to the fact that I am a traveler in this life.

The Path

It is no mistake that Islam is called the deen, or the straight path because there is no shorter distance between two points than a straight line.

The fact is that we all live life on one path or another. Whether we know it or not, whether it is winding, aimless, dark and treacherous, or guided, well-lit, and straight; we are all choosing a path. And whichever path we choose determines our destination.

Islam is the shortest distance between us and our purpose as human beings: the ultimate destination. And to that destination God has given us a well-lit, well-traveled path, the path of God’s messengers.

It was not until I accepted Islam that I felt I had a safe and simple way to travel through life.

Purpose

What propels one forward on any path is a purpose or destination. Not often do we get on the road to drive, bike, or walk to nowhere.

Even if the road we are traveling leads not to a physical destination but an emotional one (who among us hasn’t gone for a drive to calm down?), we still have a purpose for being on it.

There is no difference with the straight path of Islam. It leads somewhere.

As Dr. Jeffery Lang, an author, professor, and convert to Islam, says about the purpose of life as stated in the Quran:

“It’s very clear when you read the Quran that what [mankind] will achieve in this life- to so much greater degree in the next- is that they will experience a relationship of love with God. They will turn to God in love and God will turn to them in love.”

It was not until I accepted Islam that I felt I wasn’t just moving aimlessly from task to task, but I had a clear, well-defined purpose.

Islam offers the ultimate purpose for moving forward on the path – to find peace in knowing, trusting, and loving God. It offers this as the highest goal for the spiritual being: drawing nearer to God in the hopes that we will be forever near Him, our home and source in the hereafter.

Perspective

Islam allows for pitstops or other, lesser goals in life. It even encourages us to have good career goals, academic goals, relationship goals that all lead to our larger purpose.

But Islam also gives us perspective, showing us that these goals should not distract us from the greater goal of drawing nearer to God.

Similarly, we will find things that can easily distract us from the direction we are meant to travel. Stormy weather, a flat tire, running out of provisions are all situations that can distract us from our direction on the road.

Just like in life, distractions or hardships can also throw us for a loop on the spiritual path and cause us to lose our bearings.

But Islam is the compass that stays true, putting other goals and hardships of life in perspective, ever directing us toward our spiritual goal.

It was not until I accepted Islam that I had some directionality, a focus that has kept me moving in the direction of my ultimate goal even when life tries to knock me down.

Protection

Islam also offers the traveler protection from the avoidable hardships of traveling. Islam, as a code of conduct, is like the signs on the path telling us what hazard is up ahead that we can avoid. It informs us of when to speed up or slow down, when to change lanes, and when to turn on our headlights so we don’t harm ourselves. So we make it through this life in one piece.

We are all travelers in this life. I never knew that until I knew Islam. In Islam, I found the straightest path, purpose, direction, protection, and more.

Now that I have clarity and the tools every traveler needs, it is up to me to make my journey a success.

(From Discovering Islam’s archive)

About Theresa Corbin

Theresa Corbin is the author of The Islamic, Adult Coloring Book and co-author of The New Muslim’s Field Guide. Corbin is a French-creole American and Muslimah who converted in 2001. She holds a BA in English Lit and is a writer, editor, and graphic artist who focuses on themes of conversion to Islam, Islamophobia, women's issues, and bridging gaps between peoples of different faiths and cultures. She is a regular contributor for AboutIslam.net and Al Jumuah magazine. Her work has also been featured on CNN and Washington Post, among other publications. Visit her blog, islamwich, where she discusses the intersection of culture and religion.

- aboutislam.net

Patience and Thankfulness on the Path to Allah

 

I had not seen my friend for several years; I stood nervously at her front door, excited for her to open.

At first glance, I felt like nothing about her had changed. She had the same frail stature and kind smile.

Towards the end of my visit, my friend confided in me that she had been recently diagnosed with a very rare and serious medical condition. I was familiar with the disease and knew it was potentially devastating.

But as we began talking, catching up on all the years that had passed, I sensed something was going on. She looked weaker, frailer. I feared she was not well, but I was too afraid to ask.

I wanted to throw my arms around her and start crying. She was calm, strong, but I could see the grief in her eyes. “Alhamdulillah, (all Praise and thanks are due to Allah)” she said. “I am not complaining about what Allah Almighty has willed for me. It is kheir (good).”

Then, with a faint smile, she said:

All Matters of Believers Are Good

“The Prophet (peace be upon him) tells us that all the affairs of the believer are good, right?”

I swallowed back my tears and nodded, looking at her children and then at her. In my heart I prayed that Allah cure her and make this test a means of purification for her.

Prophet Muhammad said:

Strange indeed are the affairs of the believers, for all their affairs are good for them… If good things happen to them, they’re thankful, and that is good for them; and if bad things happen to them, they remain patient, and that too is good for them. (Muslim, 2999)

This hadith was one of the first things my friend referenced after telling me of her condition. She must have been keeping it at the forefront of her mind.

Days after visiting my friend, this hadith was still at the forefront of my mind. Allah tests us in different ways, sometimes with hardship and sometimes with ease. Each test has the potential to be good for us, but we must understand how to react.

According to the hadith, the right reactions stem from the presence of two very important qualities in the heart: patience and thankfulness.

Most of us understand what patience is in theory. We can tell a young child to be patient while another child plays with his toy. We can tell ourselves to be patient when stuck in traffic or in a long line at the grocery store. Indeed, when most of us think about patience, we associate it with being patient in the face of something we dislike.

Patience

The Prophet tells us that:

True patience is at the first stroke of calamity. (Al-Bukhari, 1302)

And Allah tells us:

And We will surely test you with something of fear and hunger and a loss of wealth and lives and fruits, but give good tidings to the patient, Who, when a museebah (calamity) strikes them, say, “Indeed we belong to Allah , and indeed to Him we will return.”  Those are the ones upon whom are blessings from their Lord and mercy. And it is those who are the [rightly] guided. (2:155-57)

This verse, and the hadith before it, emphasizes the importance of patience in the face of hardship. What does it mean to be patient at “the first stroke of calamity,” or in the face of such difficult hardship? Where does patience come from?

True patience emanates from the heart and is very much related to the degree of our connection to Allah. When our hearts are connected to Allah, we fully realize that He is in complete control of our affairs. Showing patience in the face of hardships thus becomes easier.

Numerous other verses in the Quran mention the importance of patience, affirming that patience is a key to success and that Allah is with those who are patient.

Sometimes Allah tests us with hardship to help build in us this beautiful attribute of patience. We find ourselves doing everything we can to help our situation, but to no avail. He closes all the doors around us and we can do nothing else save be patient and rely on Him. But sometimes we need more than patience alone to really cope with the challenges we face in life.

As with patience, most of us understand in theory what it means to be thankful. We recognize the importance of appreciating the blessings in our lives. As a concept, we get it.

Thankfulness

And for many of us, being thankful for the blessings in our lives is a pretty natural tendency. The Quran emphasizes this in many verses.

Allah tells us:

Then remember Me; I will remember you. Be grateful to Me, and do not reject Me. (2:152)

And Allah promises to reward those who show thankfulness:

And (remember) when your Lord proclaimed if you give thanks, I will give you more. (14:7)

Thus many of us associate being thankful with times of ease and being patient with times of trial or hardship. However, often to overcome a challenge in life with patience we need thankfulness. And to be truly thankful for a blessing we need patience. If we look a little deeper, we realize the important relationship between patience and thankfulness.

Two Sides of the Same Coin

Allah actually couples the virtues of patience and thankfulness in four different places in the Quran:  Surah Ibraahim 14:5; Surah Luqmaan 31:31; Surah Saba’ 34:19; and Surah al-Shura 42:33 [*]. In each of these verses, Allah repeats the exact same phrase:

Indeed in that are signs for everyone patient and thankful.

Each time, the phrase comes in the midst of Allah describing His signs to creation and mentioning some of the people who did not pay heed.

Allah identifies those who do benefit from His signs are those who show patience and thankfulness. When examined closely, we see that patience and thankfulness are actually two sides of the same coin.

Ibn Al Qayim states that patience makes up one half of iman (faith), while thankfulness makes up the other half. He cites several reasons for this, among which are that:

“Man is always a situation where he has to carry out an instruction of Allah, or avoid something which Allah has prohibited, or accept something that Allah has decreed. In all cases, he has to face the situation with patience and gratitude. Carrying out Allah’s instructions is gratitude, and abstaining from prohibited things and being content with the decree of Allah constitutes patience.”[i]

Thus, patience and thankfulness are needed for iman to be complete.

In contemporary times we see examples of people who are blessed with many gifts from Allah but move through life in such a hurry that they seldom find time to be grateful or remember that Allah is the source of their blessings. They lack the patience to show gratitude and thus miss seeing the “signs” of Allah in the blessings all around them.

We also see people who, when faced with difficulty, are unable to see beyond their hardship to any of the good that they still have. They lack the thankfulness needed to support their patience and consequently, they fail to see the “signs” in what is happening to them.

It may be that, in order for our iman to be truly complete, we must practice being patient during times of both hardship and ease, and being thankful when given both blessings and challenges

In the face of her difficulty, my friend showed both patience with what Allah had decreed for her, and thankfulness, merely by the fact that she remembered to thank Allah. It took patience on her part just to stop and say “Alhamdulillah,” and undoubtedly, saying “Alhamdulillah” and really feeling it, helped her persevere with patience in the face of her disease.

She helped me realize that patience and thankfulness are really at the core of everything we do in Islam, and are especially important if we want to journey on the path to Allah.

Understanding these virtues and cultivating them in our hearts is an ongoing struggle, but helps ensure that all of our affairs, both good and bad, are ultimately good for us.

References

[i] Ibn Al Qayim: Patience and Gratitude

[*] Each of the surahs mentioned was revealed in Makkah. Muslims during the Makkan stage of Islam were tested in many ways—physically, psychologically, and financially. Makkan verses often provide spiritual counsel on how to deal with such tests. Makkan verses also established the most important tenants of Islamic ‘aqeedah (belief) and morality.

 

(From Discovering Islam’s archive)

About Marwa Abdalla

Marwa Abdalla received her B.A. in political science from Southwestern University, in Georgetown, Texas, and is currently working toward a degree in Islamic Studies with the American Open University. She is interested in writing about Islam, marriage and family. Her writing has been published in a book entitled Toward the Well Being of Humanity as well as on numerous websites. She lives with her husband and three daughters in San Diego, CA.

-aboutislam.net

The Priceless Blessings We Never Count

 

Is it a small thing that you go out of your home shaking both your hands, walking with steady steps, filling up your chest with early morning breath, and enjoying the sunshine in your eyes?

Our Priceless Blessings

If you are heedless to the healthiness of your body, the integrity of your organs, and the perfection of your faculties… wake up quickly.

“Would you sell both your eyes for a billion dollars?” Dale Carnegie wondered:

In this life, your capital is not the gold and silver you have. Your true capital, your real wealth, are the faculties that God has given you, such as intellect, ability, freedom, and the highest of these gifts – good health.

“What would you take for your two legs and your hands? Your hearing? Your children or your family?

Add up your assets, and you will find that you won’t sell what you have for all the gold ever amassed. But do we appreciate all this?

Ah, no.

As Schopenhauer said:

“We seldom think of what we have but always of what we lack.’ Yes, the tendency to ‘seldom think of what we have but always of what we lack’ is the greatest tragedy on earth.”

It was narrated that Ibn Al-Samak, a righteous religious scholar, was attending the counsel of Caliph Harun Al-Rashid who, having asked for water, said to him:

“Advise me.”

With the cup raised to his mouth, Ibn Al-Samak asked him:

“O Emir of the Believers, were this drink of water withheld from you, would you pay your kingdom for it?”

The Caliph said:

“Yes.”

Having drunk it, Ibn Al-Samak asked him:

“Were it held inside you and you could not void it (could not urinate), would you pay your kingdom to void it?”

The Caliph replied:

“Yes.”

Ibn Al-Samak said:

Without attention, we have, and without effort, we get that which a king might sacrifice his kingdom for – drinking water and passing it out.

“There is no goodness in a kingdom that is not worth drinking or voiding a gulp of water.”

Remember the Blessings of God

Do we remember such a bounty of God upon us? Or do we appreciate it and thank Him for it?

Getting used to being healthy makes us forget or belittle how good being healthy is; sometimes, it takes a crisis or loss of health to appreciate it. But no matter how little or slight it is in the sight of people, it remains complete in the Sight of God and will be wholly, with all its elements, accounted for before Him.

Prophet Muhammad said:

By the One in Whose Hand is my soul, a person will come on the Day of Resurrection with good deeds which, if placed on a mountain, would weigh it down; then only one of Allah’s Blessings is to come forth (and take what it deserves from the servant’s good deeds) and almost exhausts them all, if not for the Mercy that Allah bestows. (Al-Tabarani)

Hence, God says in the Quran:

And if you would count (the numerous benefits of) a Blessing of Allah, never could you be able to count it. Truly, Allah is All-Forgiving, Most Merciful. (16: 18)

All life is a gift for which God deserves thanking for endowing us with, soul and sensation; and a whole universe abundantly furnished with supplies and replete with signs pointing to the Creator:  

How can you disbelieve in God who gave you life when you initially had no life? Then He will cause you to die, then He will bring you (back) to life, and then to Him you will be returned. (2: 28)

Our senses are our tools for interacting with this universe, exploring it, and learning from it, and should, when flooded by its power, beauty, and immensity all around, shake with gratitude to He who honored us with life:

And God has brought you forth from the wombs of your mothers knowing nothing, and given you hearing, sight, and hearts that you might give thanks (to Allah). (16: 78)

Whenever our sensibilities grow blunt, indifferent, or careless; whenever we no longer value the incessant flow of God’s blessings, a good contemplation, after freeing the mind from the dullness of familiarity and inattention, will help awaken the senses; it will help renew the feelings and open up our eyes to the heavens and earth; all this put in our service, which helps the mind better understand God’s Call:

O mankind, worship your Lord, Who created you and those before you, that you may become pious. He Who has made for you the earth a bed (spread out), and the sky a canopy; and sent down water (rain) from the sky, and brought forth therewith fruits as a provision for you. So do not set up rivals (equals) to Allah while you know (that He has no partner, peer, or equal). (2: 21-2)

Works Cited:

Carnegie, Dale. How to Stop Worrying and Start Living. New York: Simon and Schuster, 1990

 

This article is a translated excerpt from Sheikh Muhammad Al-Ghazali’s book: “Renew Your Life”. It is translated and adapted by Haya Muhammad Eid & edited by Emily Katharine Richardson.

(From Discovering Islam archive)

-aboutislam.net

How to Understand Fate and Free Will?

 

Man feels absolutely powerless regarding many of the circumstances in which he/she finds him/herself.

One might feel that there are so many givens, which one has to take for granted, and nothing can be done about them.

On the other hand, there are many areas where one feels free to act.

Look at the marvelous progress of humanity through the centuries. If humans were mere puppets, could we have managed all these wonderful achievements, which have made us so proud of human potential?

From the Quranic point of view, Man is not completely a master of his fate; nor is he a puppet subject to the hazards of destiny. It is true that God’s sovereignty is all pervading and nothing falls outside its purview.

Indeed the question of pre-destination and free will has haunted Man for so long; but it has been adequately dealt with in the Holy Quran.

This means that God knows everything and it is according to His will, things happen here.

The universe is completely subject to the overriding power of God, and nothing happens without God willing it to be so.

However, God not only created everything, but He determined its nature and scope.

In His infinite wisdom and mercy, He gave Man limited power and great freedoms, including the freedom of choice.

Man’s Free Choice

It is because of this autonomy, enjoyed by Man, that he/she is held accountable for the individual deeds.

The Holy Quran says:

That man can have nothing but what he strives for;

Surah 53 Verse 39

… Verily never will God change the condition of a people until they change it themselves (with their own souls). …

Surah 13 Verse 11

Say: “With God is the argument that reaches home: if it had been His will, He could indeed have guided you all.”

Surah 6 Verse 149

Then shall anyone who has done an atom’s weight of good, see it!
And anyone who has done an atom’s weight of evil, shall see it.

Surah 99 Verses 7 – 8

In fact the concept of qadar (destiny), used in the Quran often, means a measure or the latent possibilities with which God created Man and all things of Nature.

For example, God says:

… it is He who created all things, and ordered (qadara) them in due proportions.

Surah 25 Verse 2

In this verse, destiny implies the scope and potential of things. This means their latent capabilities.

There is a hadith, which says that God wrote down the decrees regarding the created world, fifty thousand years, before He created the heavens and the earth.

The point to be noted here is that this does not, in any way, mean that God created a universe, finished off and complete, bound to the iron rules of Nature.

The idea behind qadar is that the creation of this universe was in accordance with the grand design of the Creator.

This means that there is no element of chance in the creation of this universe. Everything is well arranged and well planned.

So this is not a kind of clockwork universe where God simply winds up the clock and then lets it run. The Holy Quran clearly says that God is constantly active in Creation:

God! There is no god but He,-the Living, the Self-subsisting, Eternal. No slumber can seize Him nor sleep. His are all things in the heavens and on earth. Who is there can intercede in His presence except as He permitteth? He knoweth what (appeareth to His creatures as) before or after or behind them. Nor shall they compass aught of His knowledge except as He willeth. His Throne doth extend over the heavens and the earth, and He feeleth no fatigue in guarding and preserving them for He is the Most High, the Supreme (in glory).

Surah 2 Verse 255

This verse indicates that God does not feel tired or sleepy in spite of the fact that He is constantly active.

Muhammad Iqbal, the renowned Islamic poet, has written:

‘Divine knowledge must be conceived as a living creative activity, to which the objects that appear to exist in their own right are organically related.

By conceiving God’s knowledge as a kind of reflecting mirror, we no doubt save His foreknowledge of future events. But, it is obvious that we do so at the expense of His freedom.

The future certainly pre-exists in the organic whole of God’s creative life, but it pre-exists as an open possibility, not as a fixed order of events with definite outlines.’

Time as an abstract concept – encompassing the past, present and future – is very much relative.

It is, however, a great ‘present’ for the All-Seeing God. The whole continuum of time lies before Him in the shape of now.

Knowledge is an act of creative activity and not the mere reflection of it. When He decrees a thing it happens and He sees it before it happens. God in Islam is therefore a free Creator with foreknowledge.

God’s knowledge, however, is not like our knowledge. God’s knowledge covers everything created, its past and its future.

… With God is the Decision, in the past and in the Future…

Surah 30 Verse 4

But God is the creator and we are the created. Our knowledge is limited in ways that God’s knowledge is not.

It is our very lack of knowledge which gives us free will. We cannot know our future and to a large extent we cannot control it. Our decisions are based on our understanding of the way the world works.

Are these decisions free from God’s command?

Not really, but for all practical purposes we inevitably see them as free choices, we cannot do otherwise – that is our nature.

We are held accountable only for things we understand. Our deeds are judged by their intentions.

So just as someone who punches his fist into a brick wall cannot claim injustice when it hurts, nor can we claim any injustice if we disobey God’s moral laws, when we know them, and get punished.

We “know” that the wall exists and that it is hard and that is the reality we deal with. The ultimate reality is however, that God could make that wall disappear just before your fist reached it.

The concept of qadar, therefore, indicates that we must seek harmony with God’s rules of human nature and nature at large, and consciously submit to His will.

Destiny and Free Choice

It is our willful choice of those actions from our inherent possibilities that are in harmony with God’s will that earns us our reward from God. Thus, qadar can be a source of inspiration and encouragement for us, and it really opens up vast fields of human activity.

Destiny as conceived by Islam, therefore, does not take away our freedom of choice and action.

It need not make us utterly powerless or helpless; on the contrary, it can be a source of inspiration and encouragement.

Indeed, when God has set certain rules in His decree as to how things evolve, even these things can be changed through prayers.

The prophet stressed that only sincere prayers can change the way events unfold, and that true worship and sincere submission to God can raise the believer above the normal ways of nature: Prayers can and do result in “personal miracles” – events or experiences which we consider almost impossible and certainly highly improbable.

From an Islamic point of view, Man is free for all practical purposes. He/she has no excuse for making the wrong choice and then blaming qadar or fate, any more than a man punching his fist into a wall can blame the laws of nature. He knew the consequences of his actions for all practical purposes and he shouldn’t expect a miracle!

The foregoing means, that we should not worry about what God has written for us, since we can never know it; but our duty, here and now, is to strive for the best in this world and the next. Then, good results will follow, insha’Allah.

And Allah knows best.

(From Ask About Islam archive)

https://aboutislam.net

Never Despair! Allah’s Mercy Is Always There

 

“When Allah created creation, He wrote words that were placed at His throne. They said, “My mercy will prevail over my anger.” (Al-Bukhari)

Knowing that the mercy of Allah will prevail over His anger is reason never to lose hope. When we are overcome, we should remember that all is never lost.

If you ever think there is no point in living because you have reached a dead end, committed too many mistakes and are doomed, you are in fact shutting out an ocean of forgiveness and second chances. It is all there for the taking. So long as we breathe, the way ahead can be filled with light and mercy.

Only with His mercy can we amount to anything, and that is why we should not be too overwhelmed to the point of despair by our own flaws. Yes, His anger is there, but His mercy is much closer.

Never think that it is too late to change. Our mistakes, no matter how many or how huge, are never beyond the mercy of Allah. We are small and insignificant, so it is nothing for Allah to forgive us. In fact, He loves to do so.

We complicate our life stories by over-thinking and making assumptions of Allah. Sometimes, we rush to judge ourselves instead of leaving the judging to Allah. His mercy is there for those who ask. Only in Him can we find completion, only in Him can we find fulfillment.

With that humbling knowledge, we can always remember to hope for better and continue striving. When we are troubled by our thoughts toward Allah, when we are tempted to run away from Him because we are afraid, we should remember these words.

Just as Allah favors mercy over anger, so we should aspire to exemplify mercy in whatever way we can. Mercy and forgiveness are better than anger and revenge. Sometimes we think that forgiveness and making peace in the face of provocation is a sign of weakness.

Rather, mercy, peacefulness, and forgiveness are indications of inner strength. We should not judge harshly or condemn, but rather rush to pardon as we hope to be pardoned one day. We should not hesitate to grant others the same mercy and forgiveness that we wish for ourselves.

About Hazem Said and Maha Ezzeddine

Dr. Hazem Said has been active in the Muslim community in America for over 10 years and held many different leadership posts. Most notably, he was the president of MAS Youth, a national youth organization from 2004 to 2008. He helped establish Ihsan, a non-profit organization based in Milford, OH and is currently the chair of its board. In his professional life, Hazem is an associate professor of Information Technology at the University of Cincinnati. Maha Ezzeddine has a bachelor degree in Journalism and History from the University of Maryland - College Park and a Master degree in History from Stanford University. She edited several publications for MAS Youth between 2006 and 2008, when she was a member of the national executive team.

- aboutislam.net

No Reward without Good Intention (Islamic Legal Maxims)

 

Islamic Legal Maxims or Al-Qawa’id Al-Fiqhiyah are short rules that help jurists infer the rulings of life’s situations and human actions.

In this video, Sheikh Kutty continues explanation of the first grand Islamic Legal Maxim, “matters are judged by intentions“. He highlights one of the manifestations of this maxim, which is expressed in the subsidiary maxim, “no reward without an intention”.

An application of this maxim, which Sheikh Kutty explains here, is how to convert a our daily habits into rewarding acts of worships. Even spousal intimacy can be an act of worship. - aboutislam.net

 

Marriage like any other relationship is never perfect. Even the best of marriages tumble.

Most experts agree that the key to a successful and loving marriage is hard work, commitment and constant re-evaluation of our expectations in addition to how we communicate. Sounds easy enough, but in reality, it’s easier saying than doing.

Speaking to a few marriage therapists and Muslim counselors, I asked them what they noticed to be the most common issues that couples face. Of course, there were more complex problems like infidelity and drugs, but other top issues might be surprising.

1. I Love You…Now Change

If you married a slob, he will not automatically change into a neat and orderly person because you want him to.

This seems to be one of the biggest issues most couples face. Spouses so often try to change the other to a version that they would love more. The very qualities that were cute in the beginning turn into something that causes much resentment and contempt.

The only person you can change is you. The best you can do is changing your response.

2.Talking vs Communicating

The most common misconception threatening marriage is that couples mistakenly believe that talking means communicating, that is, whenever they engage in talking, they believe they are communicating.

Voicing our complaints, criticism and emotional blackmail are not tools of communication. Learn to express your feelings with assertiveness and not from a point of complaint and criticism.

This will help protect your marriage at a later stage. Effective communication means we listen and we are willing to see the world through the eyes of our partners, and not only our own. If we listen as well as we speak, real connecting would take care of itself.

Modern lifestyle equals stressful lifestyle. Time is of the essence and many couples do not manage their time efficiently. Couples are pulled in all directions on a day-to-day basis except towards each other.

3. Time Management

Quality time even if it is just five minutes a day, is an essential requirement of marriage. Couples need to regularly re-evaluate their relationship in a gentle and honest manner, if only just to know whether they are on the same page or not.

4. Intimacy

Nadirah Angail, author and therapist from nadirahangail.com believes that lack of intimacy is a major issue in Muslim marriages.

“Sex is only a small part of intimacy’’, she says. It is more about being fully engaged as a couple. Staying connected on every level. Spiritually, mentally, physically and emotionally.

Most couples constantly face an uphill battle to keep the spark alive. Intimacy is not a goal that couple should seek but rather a journey, which lasts throughout marriage.

5. Turned Focus

The most frequent issue men seem to have is that the focus of the wife changes when the couple have children. It often leads to the husband feeling inadequate and neglected which in turn, leads to lack of intimacy.

Couples also allow technology to interfere with their relationship; this is quite rampant with people texting at dinner, surfing the Internet in the evenings and using their smart phones constantly.

As a result, the focus on each other is shifted. Sitting next to your partner with your own tablets does not equate to quality time.

Money is a huge issue. Marriages can often survive infidelity but money issues can be a dissolver of the marital union universally. Nadirah maintains that this issue is not uncommon in the Muslim household.

6. Money, Money, Money

It can be way at times for the insecure man to control the woman. In a two-income household, there is often resentment felt for the partner who earns more. This often leads to unhealthy competition.

7. Forgive Me; Honey

Forgiveness should come easy to a relationship based on mutual love. Not so for a majority of couples according to the experts. Unwillingness to forgive for minor offences (i.e. not unpacking the dishwasher, leaving clothes lying around) and major issues (i.e. accumulating debt) can affect negatively on a relationship.

Most issues in a marriage can arise from a partner’s unwillingness to forgive each other. In marital life, forgiveness should be unconditional.

8. Lack of Appreciation

When appreciation is low, conflict is high. Lack of appreciation is often the root cause of infidelity in marriage.

Couples tend to take their partner for granted. They mistakenly believe they will always be there. When two people feel 100% validated and appreciated by their partner, there is little room for conflict.

9. Emotional Affairs

Islamic Care line, a counseling service for couples in South Africa has seen a major rise in emotional affairs with the advancement of technology. These affairs are usually not about sex, but more an emotional intimacy shared with someone else rather than the partner.

Learning to trust and be emotionally healed after these types of affairs can be incredibly difficult. Couples face a huge uphill battle, and it can be avoided if the partner learned to express their feelings and needs to their significant other.

10. Power Struggles

Anisa Moosa, a social worker at Islamic Care line finds this to be huge issue in marriages as couples compete even spiritually to be on top of the relationship. Each partner tries to outdo the other and this can have disastrous effect if the couples do not know when or how to toe the line.

When winning and being right becomes more important than having a loving union then the victory is often hollow and short lived. Relationships are complicated and couples’ circumstances are unique.

Although these are certainly not all of the relationship troubles that can befall us, they are the most common ones, which seem to be reported. Always invest in your relationship and be grateful that Allah has bestowed you with a beloved partner in this world.

First published: February 2014

About Fatima Bheekoo-Shah

Fatima Bheekoo-Shah is the author of "Saffron" (A collection of personal narratives by Muslim women), a freelance writer and book reviewer. She resides in Gauteng, South Africa. A book nerd and avid reader, Fatima is always looking for her next great read.

- aboutislam.net

What Is the Ruling on Being Naked at Home?

 

In his Sahih, Imam Al-Bukhari narrated that Abu Hurairah (may Allah be pleased with him) said:

The Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings be upon him) said: “Prophet Moses (peace be upon him) was a very shy and modest man, and none of his skin was ever seen because he was so modest.

Allah wanted to demonstrate that he was free of what they were saying about him.

So some of the Children of Israel annoyed him by saying, ‘He is only being so modest because he has some fault in his skin, such as leprosy, scrotal hernia, or the like.’

One day Moses went away by himself, put his garment on a rock, and washed himself. When he had finished, he went to pick up his garment and the rock ran away with it.

Moses picked up his stick and ran after the rock, saying, ‘My garment, O rock! My garment, O rock!’ Then he reached a group of the Children of Israel, who saw him naked and that he was the best that Allah had created and the most free of the faults that they had spoken of.

Then the rock stopped, so Moses took his garment and struck the rock with his stick.

By Allah, there were marks left on the rock by his stick, three or four or five.

This is what Allah told us about in the verse that reads, ‘O you who believe! Be not like those who annoyed Moses, but Allah cleared him of that which they alleged, and he was honorable before Allah’ (Al-Ahzab 33:69)

Scholars quoted this hadith as evidence that it is permissible to be naked when one is alone, especially if that is for a reason such as taking a bath.

Most of the scholars regarded this as being permissible, as Al-Hafizh said in Al-Fath.

Al-Bukhari gave this chapter the title “Chapter on one who bathes naked when he is alone, although whoever covers himself, covering is preferable.”

The fact that covering oneself is preferable is taken from the hadith which was narrated by the compilers of Sunan and classed as sound by At-Tirmidhi and as authentic by Al-Hakim, from Muawiyah ibn Haydah, who said:

I said, “O Messenger of Allah, when should we cover our awrah (parts of the body that need to be covered in front of others) and when may we uncover it?”

He said, “Protect (cover) your awrah from everyone except your wife and those whom your right hand possesses.”

I said, “O Messenger of Allah, what about when one of us is alone?” He said, “Allah is more deserving than the people that you should be modest before Him.”

Allah Almighty knows best.

Source: www.islamqa.info

Between Anxiety and Trust in Allah

 

Most of us have a routine. We wake up at a certain time, brush our teeth, go to the same job, eat the same foods, and so on. But life is full of uncertainties. Life itself is uncertain. And every now and then the false sense of certainty that our routine gives us is pulled back and we experience the uncertain reality of life.

This uncertainty of life has been a defining factor of my life lately. Since I have moved from my home, and as my husband and I seek the means to build a new life, we have been in constant state of flux. Our life together has been a series of packing, unpacking, repacking, moving, unpacking, and doing it all again.

Tethering to Allah

This may all sound like a great adventure to some who feel stuck in a rut or those who just like to be on the move. But for me, someone who has suffered from pretty serious anxiety from an early age, uncertainty is like poison. Stability and routine is a coping mechanism that many people with anxiety cling to.

And when the illusions of stability and certainty are pulled back from my life, it causes an extreme reaction. My brain goes into overdrive sending signals that I am in constant, life threatening danger. It is a feeling and a state of distress that only those who have experienced it can really understand. It is a feeling of terror that you are floating away into space not knowing if you can make your way back to solid ground.

However, for the past fifteen years since converting to Islam, I have made Islam my solid ground. No matter where I am, I pray at certain times. No matter who surrounds me, I know that I have brothers and sisters in faith who know my heart. No matter what upheaval is happening, I know that in Islam I have certainty and stability. To feel like I can and will make my way back to solid ground, I have tethered myself to my belief in Allah (SWT).

This is a part of the gift of Islam that Allah (SWT) gave to humanity because even for people who do not suffer from mental health issues these certainties provide comfort. But for those of us with anxiety, or depression, or bipolar disorder, or borderline personality disorder this stability is so much more meaningful.

Allah’s Perfect Plan

It came to a point where I felt as if I could not take much more. I ask Allah (SWT) in desperation to show me what I needed to learn, how I needed to change. I needed to know what Allah was guiding me to or away from so that I could just feel better, stable.

But lately, even these stable touch points have not been enough to counter the intense anxiety that has swelled inside my mind. Everything in my world is in upheaval. Nothing is certain, nothing can be planned, and even the simplest plans change a hundred times.

After asking Allah to guide me, all I could think of was His plan. The reality is not that life is uncertain. The reality is that we just don’t know what is certain. With Allah is certainty.

The Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) said:

“Allah wrote down the decrees of creation fifty thousand years before He created the heavens and the earth.” (Sahih Muslim)

And Allah Almighty asks us to trust His plan. He tells us in the Quran:

{[…] and put your trust in Allah if you are believers indeed} (Quran 5: 23)

I realized that I could not and cannot know what harm Allah (SWT) may be keeping from me. I cannot know, at this point, what Allah may be directing me toward. All I know is the bitterness of the prevention and/or guidance and I have to put my trust in Allah if I strive to be a mu’min (a believer).

After asking Allah to guide me, I could only think that it might hurt now, but Allah’s plan is perfect and if I trust in Him as He has asked, it will be more than OK.

The Prophet said:

“I am amazed by the believer. Verily, Allah does not decree anything for the believer except what is good for him.” (Muslim)

Allah’s Perfect Knowledge

After asking Allah (SWT) to guide me, I could only think that Allah knows it hurts, but sometimes the medicine is bitter. But He also knows that and is with me as I struggle. He is with me in times when I feel like a puddle of pain, panic, and tears; and He has a perfect plan for what is on the other side of this instability, this upheaval. He is the ultimate knower, Al-`Alim (the All-Knowing).

{And He is the All-Knowing, the All-Powerful.} (Quran 30:54)

As I focused on Allah’s perfect plan and knowledge, and returned to these thoughts day after day, they started to become a few more tethers to solid ground. Truly knowing and internalizing, as I move forward, that no matter where I am, what I am going through, Allah is with me in His knowledge and has a perfect plan has become a great comfort to me.

While I fully recognize and advocate seeking medical means to good health including good mental health– It takes medical attention, physical activity, and spiritual awareness– having faith in Allah’s plan and knowledge are a few more touch points of stability that I and anyone can use to cope with anxiety and other forms of mental health issues.

(From Discovering Islam archive)

About Theresa Corbin

Theresa Corbin is the author of The Islamic, Adult Coloring Book and co-author of The New Muslim’s Field Guide. Corbin is a French-creole American and Muslimah who converted in 2001. She holds a BA in English Lit and is a writer, editor, and graphic artist who focuses on themes of conversion to Islam, Islamophobia, women's issues, and bridging gaps between peoples of different faiths and cultures. She is a regular contributor for AboutIslam.net and Al Jumuah magazine. Her work has also been featured on CNN and Washington Post, among other publications. Visit her blog, islamwich, where she discusses the intersection of culture and religion.

- aboutislam.net