Distrust between spouses

Question

Salam, my husband cheated on me a few months ago. I am trying so hard to forgive and move on with our lives. I have been married for 5 years now and we have two kids. 1 and 3yrs. Ever since I found out that he cheated on me I am being so skeptical about most things for, eg if he,s at work, check the phone bill. He has locked his I-PAD for months now and I requested to him why he is locking his IPAD, he said just incase if it gets lost all personal info are there, eg bank etc. I said ok then, can you share the password with me? He said why do I need it? I told him ever since I found out he cheated on me I have been insecure and I don,t trust him at this point, sometime in the future I will. I told him he needs to earn back my trust. He asked me if he shares the password with me if that will solve the issues we currently are having? I told him NO, but unlocking or sharing your password with me will clear that doubt in my mind that I currently has. He said to me I either have 2 choices, 1-either I accept that he is not chaeting or lying to me and will not share his password or 2- divorce him. I think he is being very selfish and only thinks about himself. Yes, he has apologised for cheating on me and he said he takes full responsibility for but that doesn't change the fact he hurt me, betrayed me and now he started curses at me. At this point we are just fighting and saying things to each other. I don,t know what to do at this point. Our parents knew he what he did and everyone thinks that everything is ok when its not. I cannot live a life accepting that its ok my husband. I need your help!!!!

Answer

All perfect praise be to Allah, The Lord of the Worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allah, and that Muhammad  is His slave and Messenger.

You did not clarify to us what you mean by your husband cheating you, as some people may mean by this the marriage of a husband with a second wife, although there is nothing wrong Islamically with this. This term can also be used for a husband establishing an affectionate relationship with a non-Mahram (marriageable) woman, and this is forbidden.

Therefore, if what you meant is your husband establishing a forbidden relationship, and you are certain that he did this, then you should advise him in a soft and gentle manner and remind him of Allah The Almighty as he might repent. If we presume that he persists in doing so and you are harmed by staying with him, then it becomes permissible for you to ask him for divorce or Khul’ (divorce initiated by a woman). However, you should not hasten to do so as the preponderant [greater] benefit could be in being patient with him and trying to rectify him.

Of course, this is if you are sure that he did this. However, if you are just suspecting this, then this is forbidden. In principle, a Muslim is innocent and it is not permissible to spy on him or investigate about his matters; Allah The Almighty Says (what means): {O you who have believed, avoid much [negative] assumption. Indeed, some assumption is sin. And do not spy or backbite each other. Would one of you like to eat the flesh of his brother when dead? You would detest it. And fear Allah; indeed, Allah is Accepting of repentance and Merciful.} [Quran 49:12]

In addition to this, by spying on him and investigating about him, you make yourself sorrowful and unhappy, and you may believe him if he tells lies to you and you may not believe him if he tells you the truth. Thus, it is wise not to spy on him and investigate about him.

Finally, we advise you to beware of Satan and his plots and endeavors in separating spouses. Jaabir  narrated that the Prophet said: “Indeed, Iblees (Satan) places his throne upon water; he then sends detachments [for creating dissension]; the nearer to him in rank are those who are most notorious in creating dissension. One of them comes and says: 'I did such and such'. And he says: 'You have done nothing'. Then one amongst them comes and says: 'I did not spare so and so until I sowed the seeds of discord between him and his wife'. Satan goes near him and says: ‘You have done well!’” [Muslim]

Allah Knows best.

-islamweb.net