Husband having affair online

Question

I have been married for three years now, and I have a one-year-old son. I live in an Arab country. Recently, my husband started texting with a girl in a European country. I suspected it because has changed with me, became more distant, changed his phone password, and always hid his mobile when I would pass by him. I asked him in the very beginning, and he told me that it was just a friend from an online game that he is playing and that there is nothing to worry about. One day, I was doing some work on the computer and found that he had been searching earlier how to say certain things in her language that held the meaning of love, and sexual images as well. I also discovered that he registered for an online course to learn her language. I confronted him with what I found and told him that he lied to me and that I feel cheated on. He said that I had the right to be angry and disappointed with him, and he confessed that he loves the girl and that she loves him and that they want to get married. She is thirty years old and lives with her boyfriend and has a daughter from him. She also has no religion. My husband tells me that she is not happy with her life and that she wants to get married and settle down. He told her that she had to become a Muslim and she agreed. The problem is that my husband wants to go to her country and marry her and then wants to take me and my son there after he settles, but I refused the idea. By the way, I had told my husband before that I do not have a problem with my husband getting married because I know that he has a large "physical" appetite and that I am not enough for him. My problem is that my husband does not want to leave me here and at the same time wants to go marry that woman, and he is putting much pressure on me to agree to go with him. He still talks to her until now. I am not happy with this decision; I feel that he has not taken the time to think, and I believe that he is just infatuated and is risking our family. I also blame myself for not trying harder to physically satisfy him. What is your opinion?

Answer

All perfect praise be to Allah, The Lord of the worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allah and that Muhammad, sallallahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, is His slave and Messenger. 

It is prohibited for the Muslim man to have a relationship with a non-Mahram (permanently unmarriageable) woman. If your husband is having an illicit relationship with this woman, then he has indeed committed a serious violation of Islam and taken the path to Fitnah (temptation). He must end his relationship with her immediately. You should be keen on giving him advice in this regard in a kind and gentle manner.

If this woman embraced Islam and he wants to marry her, then he is entitled to marry her provided that he is able to treat you both equally and fairly. However, it should be noted that marriages resulting from couples meeting online often fail.

Moreover, it may require traveling to live with her in a non-Muslim country, and this abounds in many risks and perils. Therefore, we advise avoiding such a path. If your husband needs to marry another wife, then he should look for one that is recommended to him by reliable people in his country of residence.

In any case, if this woman embraced Islam and your husband eventually married her and wanted to move to her country, then you are obliged to accompany him as long as there are no religious impediments. Muslim scholars underlined that the husband may ask his wife to live with him wherever he wishes provided that certain conditions are met. The Maaliki scholar Al-Hattaab  wrote, “The husband is allowed to take his wife and move to another country or town as long as she is safe. Ibn ‘Arafah said, ‘on condition that the road is safe and the destination is safe.’” [Mawaahib Al-Jaleel]

Lastly, we advise you to adorn yourself for your husband and fulfill his due rights over you; this could be a reason for him to reconsider marrying another woman.

Allah knows best.

-islamweb.net