Question
I am going to start looking for a wife soon and my parent are going to be doing most of the work. My only problem is that my parents sometime mix culture and religion together and I am afraid that how they pick my future wife and how we get married may not be truly in accordance with Islamic teachings. I do not want to start off my married life on the wrong foot. I wanted to know the rules of selecting a wife and getting married in Islam?
Answer
Your answer can be summarized in the following points:
1- You have to participate in choosing the woman you plan to marry, since this is a matter that ultimately concerns you alone. It is alright to consult your parents, but since they do not differentiate between religiousness and culture, the responsibility here falls mainly on you.
2- Aspire to marry a religious woman, because she will preserve herself and protect your religion, wealth and children.
3- Do not disobey Allah during your wedding. Societal expectations or your family might pressure you into allowing un-Islamic practices at your wedding. Wretched is the life that begins with disobedience to Allah.
The happiness that the couple hopes for in their marriage will be very limited if they build it on the happiness of the body and look only to worldly considerations.
One of the goals of marriage is for the two spouses to have eyes for each other only, so that their souls can be comforted and relieved of the burden of longing for every beautiful face that they see. There is no lawful way to quench that desire besides marriage.
The next goal is to protect oneself from falling into sin.
Another goal is to have children and start a family. This is a goal that is dependent on Allah’s Will. Allah says: “He gives females to whomever He pleases and He gives males to whomever He pleases, or He allows them to marry, male and female, and He makes whomever He pleases impotent. He is Knowledgeable and All-Powerful.”
Is there another goal for marriage? Yes, what the Almighty referred to in the verse: “And from His signs is the fact that He created for you from yourselves spouses so that you can feel at ease with each other, and He made you affectionate and merciful to each other. Therein lie signs for those who ponder.”
If you take this noble goal, along with the others, you will find that this goal is the closest to your heart and the most important in your life. There will be neither lowering of the eyes nor protection of the loins, there will be no children with healthy minds unless this goal is achieved.
Psychological ease with each other and emotional stability is achieved when two souls merge, and when their wants and goals become one, and when each spouse is tender and affectionate with his or her partner. In this way, tranquility and satisfaction are realized. Each spouse finds in the other calmness when there are worries, security when there is fear, and cheerfulness when there is distress. It is a relationship unlike any other between two people. It is a deep relationship. It is almost like one’s relationship with one’s self. Allah alludes to this fact when he says: “They are your garments and you are their garments.”
This goal is what we call marital happiness. It is achieved through good conduct between spouses. It repels whatever animosity Satan tries to put between them.
The Prophet (peace be upon him) said “Satan puts his throne on the water and then sends out his minions. The closest of them to him are the ones who achieve the greatest affliction.” The Prophet (peace be upon him) then goes on to describe how many of them come to him and tell him what evil they achieved. Then one of them approaches him and says: “I did not leave him until I separated him from his wife”, so Satan brings him close to him and says: “Yes, you are the one.”
Separating spouses, without a doubt, destroys society, which is one of Satan’s main goals.
If a kind word is charity, then this is especially so between a husband and wife. They should choose kind, sweet words to say to each other to foil Satan’s scheming. Allah says “Tell my servants to say what is best, for Satan insinuates between them.” A kind word delights the soul and increases happiness between the spouses.
My advice to newlyweds is consider that when the body’s fire is extinguished, the soul’s garden will still be ripe with fruit if it dwells in a relationship is based on faith, love and compassion.
1- You have to participate in choosing the woman you plan to marry, since this is a matter that ultimately concerns you alone. It is alright to consult your parents, but since they do not differentiate between religiousness and culture, the responsibility here falls mainly on you.
2- Aspire to marry a religious woman, because she will preserve herself and protect your religion, wealth and children.
3- Do not disobey Allah during your wedding. Societal expectations or your family might pressure you into allowing un-Islamic practices at your wedding. Wretched is the life that begins with disobedience to Allah.
The happiness that the couple hopes for in their marriage will be very limited if they build it on the happiness of the body and look only to worldly considerations.
One of the goals of marriage is for the two spouses to have eyes for each other only, so that their souls can be comforted and relieved of the burden of longing for every beautiful face that they see. There is no lawful way to quench that desire besides marriage.
The next goal is to protect oneself from falling into sin.
Another goal is to have children and start a family. This is a goal that is dependent on Allah’s Will. Allah says: “He gives females to whomever He pleases and He gives males to whomever He pleases, or He allows them to marry, male and female, and He makes whomever He pleases impotent. He is Knowledgeable and All-Powerful.”
Is there another goal for marriage? Yes, what the Almighty referred to in the verse: “And from His signs is the fact that He created for you from yourselves spouses so that you can feel at ease with each other, and He made you affectionate and merciful to each other. Therein lie signs for those who ponder.”
If you take this noble goal, along with the others, you will find that this goal is the closest to your heart and the most important in your life. There will be neither lowering of the eyes nor protection of the loins, there will be no children with healthy minds unless this goal is achieved.
Psychological ease with each other and emotional stability is achieved when two souls merge, and when their wants and goals become one, and when each spouse is tender and affectionate with his or her partner. In this way, tranquility and satisfaction are realized. Each spouse finds in the other calmness when there are worries, security when there is fear, and cheerfulness when there is distress. It is a relationship unlike any other between two people. It is a deep relationship. It is almost like one’s relationship with one’s self. Allah alludes to this fact when he says: “They are your garments and you are their garments.”
This goal is what we call marital happiness. It is achieved through good conduct between spouses. It repels whatever animosity Satan tries to put between them.
The Prophet (peace be upon him) said “Satan puts his throne on the water and then sends out his minions. The closest of them to him are the ones who achieve the greatest affliction.” The Prophet (peace be upon him) then goes on to describe how many of them come to him and tell him what evil they achieved. Then one of them approaches him and says: “I did not leave him until I separated him from his wife”, so Satan brings him close to him and says: “Yes, you are the one.”
Separating spouses, without a doubt, destroys society, which is one of Satan’s main goals.
If a kind word is charity, then this is especially so between a husband and wife. They should choose kind, sweet words to say to each other to foil Satan’s scheming. Allah says “Tell my servants to say what is best, for Satan insinuates between them.” A kind word delights the soul and increases happiness between the spouses.
My advice to newlyweds is consider that when the body’s fire is extinguished, the soul’s garden will still be ripe with fruit if it dwells in a relationship is based on faith, love and compassion.
And Allah knows best.
-islamtoday.net
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