A Call for Harmony and Cordiality Between the Spouses

Marital happiness resembles the honey produced by two bees; the greater their efforts are, the sweeter it will be. There is ‎no doubt that marital happiness is the ‎responsibility of both spouses and this necessitates the existence of ‎love between them.‎

At the same time, we say that the happy house does not only depend on ‎love, but also the spirit of tolerance must be present. Marriage in the sight of Islam means psychological tranquility, spiritual comfort, and heartfelt harmony as well as cooperation between the two spouses to make the permanent journey of life together.

The Quran describes the marital relationship in the most eloquent way saying (what means): {And of His signs is that He created for you from yourselves mates that you may find tranquility in them; and He placed between you affection and mercy.} [Quran 30:21]

This affection and cordiality can solve any problem, and there will be problems between lovers who love each other sincerely, and not just because of personal interests.

This is a call for cordiality and love between the spouses and a call for overlooking faults.

How can we achieve cordiality and harmony between the spouses?

We can achieve cordiality and harmony through the following stages:

- Kind mutual frankness has a magical influence on marital life.

- Ask your wife to sit next to you and embrace her along with giving her looks and touches that express your love and longing for her. Treat your wife kindly and she will do the same to you. Make her feel that you favor her over yourself and that you are keen on making her happy and maintain her health. Let her know that you sacrifice for her sake when she is sick, for example.

- Play with your wife and joke with her to arouse her feelings and emotions towards you. Learn from the Prophet  who said: “It is better to marry a virgin who plays with you and you play with her.”[Al-Bukhari]

- Even ‘Umar ibn Al-Khattab, may Allah be pleased with him, who was an example of seriousness and prudence said, “One should be like a boy among his family [i.e. in terms of cordiality and kindness], but when he deals with the people, he should be a man.”

- The wife should receive her husband heartily after adorning herself and applying good perfume.

- Look at the faults of your husband with the eyes of a lover, because this will make you see his mistakes as trivial faults.

- Be quiet when your husband gets angry and later speak with him about what he did and rebuke him cordially.

- I advise the husband to always be calm and avoid anger, because anger causes hatred. If you have wronged your wife, apologize to her, and never spend a night while you are angry with her or with her shedding tears. Always remember that what made you angry is only a trivial matter that does not deserve to disturb your marital life. Seek refuge with Allah The Almighty from the accursed devil and try to be calm. Always bear in mind that the bonds of love between you and your wife are too pure to be blemished by a temporary outrage.

- Dear wife, keep yourself busy with satisfying your husband to receive what pleases you. A Bedouin woman said to her daughter, “Be his bondmaid, and he will be your slave.”
Umm Salamah, may Allah be pleased with her, reported that the Messenger of Allah  said: "Any woman who dies while her husband is pleased with her will enter Paradise.” [At-Tirmithi]

- Always call him “My darling” and tell him that you love him, because this is not for lovers but rather for spouses.

- If you are a working woman, do not allow the problems of work disturb the relationship between you and your husband. Leave all the problems associated with your work in your workplace and return home without any concerns.

- Dear husband, if you dislike anything in your wife, remember her good qualities to get rid of any bad feelings towards her. Remember the Hadeeth in which the Prophet  said: “A believer should not hate a believing woman (i.e., his wife); if he dislikes one of her characteristics he would be pleased with another.” 
So, try to overlook the negative aspects in the personality of your wife and remember that she has many other good aspects to make up for this negative aspect.

- Make your wife feel that she is safe and you will never let her down or abandon her.

- Deal with your wife’s behavior and mistakes with forbearance and away from any hostile behavior.

- Do not insult your wife because insults would be deeply engraved in your wife’s heart and mind. The most dangerous abuses that may not be forgiven by your wife are to lose your temper and beat her or curse her family or raise doubts about her chastity.

- “You are a wonderful woman, but….” Avoid this style of praise, because your wife will forget everything and only remember the “but”.

Here, we want to pose the following question: Do harmony and cordiality between the spouses affect the life of the family members?

To answer this question, we should mention the importance of cordiality and harmony in the life of the family:

- Harmony strengthens the relationship between the man and woman and increases the husband’s wish to get close to his wife.

- Harmony and cordiality refreshes the marital life and renews the love of the spouses every day.

- It increases the husband’s respect for the family of his wife and vice versa.

- Harmony and cordiality spread tranquility in the house.

- Harmony makes both spouses realize their roles in the true sense of the word as a husband and a father for the man and as a wife and a mother for the woman.

- Harmony and cordiality renew the faith-boosting environment in the home, refine the souls and strengthen the relationship with Allah The Almighty.

- Harmony and cordiality improve the relationship between the spouses and their friends and relatives.

- Harmony and cordiality enable the parents to treat the problems of the children wisely and calmly away from hostility and anger.

- Harmony and cordiality improve the psychological stability of the children and their relationship with and attachment to their parents. In this way, they will seek help and support from their parents when they face any problem.

- Harmony and cordiality decrease the amount of disagreements with the children and achieve mutual understanding between children and parents. Likewise, the children’s educational achievements will improve.

May Allah The Almighty provide all Muslim families with the harmony to lead happy lives. -islamweb.net