His wife wants to leave him for another man

Question

My wife wants to leave me for another man. We have two kids. I gave her the chance to end this, but she failed to do so. Shall I divorce her, or shall I go to that man and try to convince him not to poison our family life? I think that would be a long shot, but at least I would be satisfied. I have tried everything before reaching a final decision. Please advise; is it ok to go to that man, or should I just leave my wife? May Allaah reward you.

Answer

All perfect praise be to Allah, The Lord of the worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allah and that Muhammad  is His slave and Messenger.

If your wife is having an affair with a non-Mahram man (an alien), then this is very serious. By doing so, she is disobedient to her Lord and neglectful of your rights as her husband.

The seriousness of this matter requires that the husband be jealous about his honor, and he must be stern and not face this matter with a kind of insensitivity. A believer must be jealous about his honor and strong in his position and not be weak to an extent that people dare to do anything against him.

We first advise you to supplicate Allah to rectify your wife, as the hearts of the people are between His Hands and He turns them the way He wishes. You must also be firm with her, but give her advice in a gentle soft manner. You must remember that she is a trust with you, so you should guide her to goodness and piety and protect her from temptation and what leads to it; Allah says (what means): {O you who have believed, protect yourselves and your families from a Fire whose fuel is people and stones, over which are [appointed] angels, harsh and severe; they do not disobey Allah in what He commands them but do what they are commanded.} [Quran 66:6]

As-Sa’di said in his Tafseer (exegesis), “It means that you are guardians over them (your women) by enjoining them to fulfill the rights of Allah, such as observing His obligations; and you must protect them from corruption and oblige them to refrain from evil deeds.”

If she does not respond to advice, then you should desert her in bed by turning your back to her and not speaking to her. If she is not deterred, then threaten her to inform her family, and if that does not stop her, then do inform them, hoping that they would be severe with her. If she continues in this affair despite all the attempts, then it is not good for you to keep her as a wife; so divorce her, and you have the right to refrain from divorcing her until she pays you a compensation in return for divorce.

You are not wronging her at all by divorcing her; rather, divorcing her due to her dissoluteness is desirable. Ibn Qudaamah said when speaking about the cases of divorce, “The fourth case (of divorce) is desirable, which is when the wife is neglectful about the obligatory rights of Allah on her, such as the prayer and the like, and he (her husband) cannot force her to fulfill them, or when his wife is not a chaste woman...”

With regard to that man, if you think that it is useful to speak to him, then give him advice and be firm with him as well, and remind him of Allah and His severe punishment. You should inform him that what he is doing is called Takhbeeb (turning a wife against her husband) and that there is a severe threat about this in the Prophetic Sunnah. If it is necessary to threaten him with reporting the matter to the authorities or actually doing so, then do so.

Taking matters lightly on part of the wife or her husband or both of them may be the reason for what happened; so you must be heedful of this. The husband must be keen on educating his family in matters of goodness and faith, and he should be an example for them in this regard. You should also supplicate Allah as much as possible with supplications such as those mentioned in the description of the servants of the Most Merciful, about whom Allah says (what means): {And those who say: Our Lord, grant us from among our wives and offspring comfort to our eyes and make us an example for the righteous.} [Quran 25:74]

Allah knows best.

-islamweb.net