As-Salamu ‘Alaikum,
May Allah (swt) bless you for your desire to help your family, particularly your concern for your younger sibling with special needs.
This is a quality and sacrifice for which there is much blessings. A hadith by Muslim states,
“You spent one dinar for the fight for the sake of God, one dinar to liberate a slave, one dinar to a poor person, and one dinar to support your family. The most rewarded dinar is the one that you spent on your family.”
There are several factors I suggest you consider.
First of all, have you discussed this with your parents, or have they asked you to put off marriage?
Also, if you did wait a few years, do you have a time limit established on when you will begin to focus on your own needs and life?
You mentioned “to help your mom raise him”, while I do not know how old he is or what are his special needs, are you looking to help raise him into adulthood? If so, I imagine that would be at least ten more years.
It seems you have some ideas about goals and time frames; however, it is helpful in sha’ Allah to see them visually.
You may want to write out a more defined list of things you wish to accomplish with your family such as getting closer to your younger sibling, providing financial support to your mom, providing help around the home, helping your father improve his health, in sha’ Allah and so forth.
Additionally, in sha’ Allah, you would want to set up a time frame.
Would it be when you saw progress and stability, or is it when you feel the time is right?
As your younger sibling has special needs, will it be when he is stable as well, and as I am not sure of his special needs, the bigger question is will he ever be able to be stable, to live independently?
Setting up a time line in addition to specific goals you wish to achieve within your family is important as it gives structure and a defined purpose rather than an indefinite period of unknown accomplishments.
As Muslims, it’s always important that we try our best to prioritize our lives around what is most pleasing to Allah (swt) based on the guidance provided to us through our deen.
So, in prioritizing or setting goals, it is important to look at the totality of our lives, our deen and what is best for our families and self.
As marriage is half our deen, and it is highly encouraged in Islam to marry.
I would not rule that out, if you do marry, perhaps you will marry a man who would be happy to help you with your family situation as well as being a compassionate, loving and supportive husband, thus extending your family circle and creating happiness and joy.
We never know what Allah (swt) has for us; therefore, I encourage you not to rule out marriage as it may be more of a benefit rather than a burden.
Marriage is a very important part of not only an individual’s religious life, but it is an important institution for upholding the stability and continuity of the community as a whole.
Further adding that
“it may be a lot more difficult to marry and have children at a later stage in life. Once that opportunity passes, you will never be able to get it back.”
Thus, I encourage you to make du’aa’ to Allah (swt) in regards to this and ask Allah (swt) to guide you to the right path concerning marriage.
Lastly, often times after graduation, it is quite normal for young people to feel rather lost in regards to which direction they should chose in life, and frankly it can be quite scary, thus it sometimes becomes easier to stay at home with a lifestyle that is known.
While this does not seem to be the issue in your case, as you stated you wanted to help your family, I just thought I would mention it so you may reflect upon this as well to see if there may be some hesitation on your part due to some fear or feelings of loss of direction.
While I am not a Islamic scholar and cannot advice you if it is “lawful to reject marriage proposals until much later”, I can only advice you to look deeply within yourself to see if there are other reasons why you may not want to get married.
I truly believe that with Allah (swt) all things are possible, and that you can marry as well as taking care of your family, too.
I suggest that you read Qur’an for guidance and make du’aa’ to Allah (swt) about your conflicting situation.
I am confident all will work outin sha’ Allah if you are open to compromise and communication with not only your family, but any proposal you may get.
We never know what blessings Allah (swt) will send our way!
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- aboutislam.net
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