How Do You Get Answer to Your Question from God?

 

The Best Way to Ask About the Unseen

First of all, when you have a personal question about the unseen- like we all do – the best thing surely is to consult The Knower of the unseen who has full knowledge of the past, present and future of everything, Allah Almighty.

The Prophet taught us the consultation prayer (salatul istikhara).

The dua in it says:

(O Allah, I consult You through Your Knowledge, and I seek strength through Your Power, and ask of Your Great Bounty; for You are Capable whereas I am not and You know and I do not, and You are the Knower of hidden things.

O Allah, if You know that this matter (and name it) is good for me in respect of my Deen, my livelihood and the consequences of my affairs, (or he said), the sooner or the later of my affairs then ordain it for me, make it easy for me, and bless it for me.

But if You know this matter (and name it) to be bad for my Deen, my livelihood or the consequences of my affairs, (or he said) the sooner or the later of my affairs then turn it away from me, and turn me away from it, and grant me power to do good whatever it may be, and cause me to be contented with it).

And let the supplicant specify the object.” [Al-Bukhari]

This is such a beautiful and powerful prayer and supplication to make.

Do You Know For Sure?

You asked Allah for something. But the question is: Do you know for sure that this thing will be good for you in the future?

We can never be sure. Sometimes what we wish for now, we regret later.

So, through this prayer, you consult Allah given His Supreme Knowledge and you trust Him.

You ask Him that if what you wish for is good for you in the future in your religion, livelihood and afterlife, that He facilitates it for you.

But if it is harmful for you in your religion, livelihood or afterlife that he would keep it away from you and keep you away from it and give you something better and make you pleased with it.

About Allah and Answering Our Wishes and Dua

Allah hears all our prayers and responds to them in the way that is best for us.

There are 3 ways in which Allah answers one’s prayer:

1- He responds to the dua directly or soon enough (and we all have duas that were responded to quite soon).

2- He delays the response to when the time is best for us to have it. You’ll find throughout the Quran that Allah responded to even impossible duas of Prophets after years, but the time of the answer was the best for them.

3- He knows that this thing isn’t good for us, so He – on account of our dua-, grants us something much bigger, better and eternal in the Hereafter.

Is My Wish Really Good For Me?

We need to make sure that what we ask for is not actually unlawful, sinful or harmful.

The Prophet (peace be upon him) says:

“The supplication of a slave continues to be granted as long as he does not supplicate for a sinful thing or for something that would cut off the ties of kinship and he does not grow impatient.

” It was said: “O Messenger of Allah! What does growing impatient mean?”

He (peace be upon him) said, “It is one’s saying: ‘I supplicated again and again but I do not think that my prayer will be answered.’ Then he becomes frustrated (in such circumstances) and gives up supplication altogether.” [Sahih Muslim]

We also have to ask ourselves: are we here on earth to get all our wishes answered, or are we here for a greater purpose that determines our eternal place in the Hereafter?

This world is but a test for us, and the Hereafter is the place where we will get all our wishes immediately and eternally.

So we have to continue to prove our faith here and succeed in our test, this is our number one goal.

“[He] who created death and life to test you [as to] which of you is best in deed — and He is the Exalted in Might, the Forgiving –“[Quran 67: 2]

This brings us to another essential point.

The Quran and Answering One’s Questions

Allah Almighty has already provided answers to our most essential questions in the Quran.

He has already spoken to us, we don’t need another prophet or messenger as you were thinking.

“This [Quran] is a clear statement to [all] the people and a guidance and instruction for those conscious of Allah.” (Quran 3: 138)

If we are closely engaged in studying the Quran and the Seerah, we will be in a good position to find answers, relief and resolutions to most, if not all, our quests.

Additionally, Allah is closely guiding all those who seek Him. Maybe you ask Allah, and He inspires you to send a question here that gives you the response you need.

Maybe you find several posts online about your issue that speak directly to you, maybe you meet a knowledgeable/trustworthy person who shares with you something that is exactly the answer to your question, maybe you sit peacefully and reflect and then things become clearer for you…

“And how many a sign within the heavens and earth do they pass over while they, therefrom, are turning away.” (Quran 12: 105)

So pay attention to the signs. Allah knows your surroundings and knows how to reach you. If you ask Him, He will give you answers that you can easily find.

The Test of Faith and Trust in Allah

Most importantly, the issue is not about waiting to know whether Allah agrees or not.

Allah will not prevent something good from His slaves unnecessarily; Allah is The Most caring for His slaves.

The issue is: when you consult Allah, then this means you trust Him and you ask Him to do what He thinks is best for you, and not what you think is best.

If you simply ask Allah to grant you your wishes, it is as if you’re saying, “O Allah, I know everything and I know what’s right for me, I’m not consulting you; I’m demanding you to do what I want”—of course this isn’t right.

Prayer and consultation is about humility, faith and trust in Allah that He knows better than us and being at peace with this fact, and with His Wisdom and direction He leads us to.

- aboutislam.net

About Dina Mohamed Basiony

Dina Mohamed Basiony is a writer based in Cairo, Egypt. She specializes in Islam and spirituality. Dina holds an MA and BA in Journalism and Mass Communication from the American University in Cairo.

I Feel Overwhelmed With Missed Prayers Daily

 

The scholars of Islam insist that a Muslim must not deliberately delay the performance of the five mandatory prayers beyond their specified time.

But if we forget to do them owing to reasons beyond our control or have fallen asleep, there is no blame. But then we should perform them as soon as we remember or wake up.

Islam permits no excuse for the deliberate postponement of prayer owing to work or business or study or any other worldly pursuit.

True Believers

Indeed one of the characteristics of genuine believers is that they do not permit any worldly affairs to take precedence over the observance of regular prayer within the specified time.

Allah in His Noble Quran describes the believers thus:

People whom neither [worldly] commerce nor striving after gain can divert from the remembrance of God, and from con­stancy in prayer, and from charity: [people] who are filled with fear [at the thought] of the Day On which all hearts and eyes will be convulsed [and who only hope] that God may reward them in accordance with the best that they ever did, and give them, out of His bounty, more [than they deserve]: for, God grants sustenance unto whom He wills, beyond all reckon­ing. (Quran 24:37, 38)

People who are engaged in trade or business are generally unwilling to pause their activities for a while for anything; they think they will be losers if they do so. They forget that Allah is the Disposer of all affairs, and without His blessing no human activity can bear fruit.

So the best we can do is to plan our activities in such a way that we set apart short intervals in the midst of our activities for prayer, which need not take more than a few minutes.

Easier Prayers for The Sick

Allah Almighty also says of later generations of people who ignored their prayers:

Yet they were succeeded by generations [of people] who lost all [thought of] prayer and followed [but] their own lusts; and these will, in time, meet with utter disillusion… (Quran 19:59)

On the basis of the Quran and the Sunnah, our jurists have clearly specified the time for each Salah, for which there is a beginning time and no one is expected to perform it before that time. And for each prayer there is an ending time too, after which no one can do it with the certainty of acceptance by Allah.

We should not postpone the mandatory five times’ Salah, not even during the times of battle, fear, or illness.

Even a person suffering from an extreme illness is not exempted from prayer. Such a person is allowed to pray sitting if difficult to do it standing; and if he or she can’t do it sitting, they can do it lying on bed.

And if a patient can’t make wudhu (ablution), they can do tayammum (a form of ablution without using water) before the prayer.  All these underscore the fact that Salah cannot be postponed for the sake of some worldly pursuit.

The foregoing means that study, research or project work is NOT a valid excuse for the postponement of prayer.

Breaks in Work Are Good, Not Bad

Now let us come specifically to your problem, namely your fear that if you stop in the middle of your work for prayer, you will lose your focus. You feel, effectively, that you can’t engage in any meaningful work or project if you take an interval or recess for prayer.

In fact, several studies have been conducted about the advantages or disadvantages of taking a break from work; and these show that taking an interval actually enhances creativity.

A recess from any difficult work or project allows the person to take up the work with a fresh mind and approach after the break which allows them to view the problems in a new light. This reinvigorates their creative potential to produce much better results than they could otherwise achieve.

Your feeling that taking a recess is detrimental to your creative efforts is a misunderstanding about how your brain works.

Allah Knows Best What Is Good

Allah is Wise and He knows about the strengths and weaknesses of humans; and the five times’ mandatory prayers have indeed more benefits than we can easily see or assess at face value.

We need Allah’s help and guidance in matters where we encounter difficulties or where we are utterly helpless. The best way to get His help and guidance is to supplicate to Him, and one of the best times for supplication is just after our mandatory prayers.

And if by any chance you miss a prayer, you need to do it before performing the next one. Also, you need to ask the forgiveness of Allah Almighty to forgive you for your lapse in the doing of the mandatory prayer.

Finally, it all depends on your faith in Allah Almighty and your commitment to living in submission to His will. And Allah knows best. 

And Allah knows best.

- aboutislam.net

About Professor Shahul Hameed

Professor Shahul Hameed is an Islamic consultant. He also held the position of the President of the Kerala Islamic Mission, Calicut, India. He is the author of three books on Islam published in the Malayalam language. His books are on comparative religion, the status of women, and science and human values.

Islam Is Religion of Ease (Hadith Explained)

 

Although most of us have good intentions when we ‘advise’ others, oftentimes our words have the opposite desired effect.

We need to pause before advising and ask ourselves, “are my words gentle and kind”?

What the Prophet said about ease

Abu Hurairah narrated:

The Prophet (peace be upon him) said; “The religion (of Islam) is easy, and whoever makes the religion a rigor, it will overpower him. ” (Al-Bukhari)

As you can see above, our religion is the definition of ease. Out of the 24 hours in the day, Allah only requires us to devote around 20 minutes a day to praying. The rest of the time belongs to us. Allah could have required us to pray every 20 minutes throughout the day but to make it easy, He only requires us to pray 5 times a day.

He could have required us to pay thirty percent zakah every year (kinda like Uncle Sam does) but instead requires us to pay 2.5% of our SAVINGS. Surplus money. Islam is ease.

Advising others kindly

When we advise harshly or in a way that could push a person further away from Islam, we are going against what we’ve been advised by our Prophet Muhammad (peace and blessings upon him).

Offering advice should always be done with ease. To learn how to properly advise someone, check these 15 helpful tips. 

This short khutbah by Sheikh Yasir Qadhi further explains the hadith above including why we should set a high bar for ourselves but a low bar for others. 

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Source: Yasir Qadhi Youtube Channel

Is Misyar Marriage Valid?

 

What is misyar marriage?

Misyar marriage is a form of marriage that has been contentious; some approving it as long as it fulfills the conditions of marriage, another group disapproving of it, and still another considering it undesirable or makruh.

When we look at the issue of misyar marriage from the perspective of the higher purposes of Shari`ah, it is something we should disapprove. When we look at the Islamic legislation regarding sexual unions, Islam forbade all forms of sexual union except the standard and generally accepted method of marriage.

The purpose of marriage is to establish a family foundation- family being the bedrock of society. It is a union built on shared responsibilities living together and laying the foundation for a new generation.

Allah says, “Among His signs is that He created for you spouses from among yourselves in to relate to them in tranquility and instilled in your hearts love and mercy towards one another. Indeed, there are signs in these for those who reflect.” (Ar-Rum 30: 21)

Is misyar marriage valid?

Misyar marriage is contemplated by those who are already married. Then often without the knowledge of his wife and children, he marries another woman without sharing the home but simply for sexual fulfillment.

When seen from a purely ethical point of view, it amounts to degrading the sanctity of marriage.

Therefore, it is fraught with dire consequences of destroying the family and undermining peace and tranquility at home.

Almighty Allah knows best.

- aboutislam.net

About Sheikh Ahmad Kutty

Sheikh Ahmad Kutty is a Senior Lecturer and an Islamic Scholar at the Islamic Institute of Toronto, Ontario, Canada

Remaining Single To Help My Mom

 

As-Salamu ‘Alaikum,

May Allah (swt) bless you for your desire to help your family, particularly your concern for your younger sibling with special needs.

This is a quality and sacrifice for which there is much blessings. A hadith by Muslim states,

“You spent one dinar for the fight for the sake of God, one dinar to liberate a slave, one dinar to a poor person, and one dinar to support your family. The most rewarded dinar is the one that you spent on your family.”

There are several factors I suggest you consider.

First of all, have you discussed this with your parents, or have they asked you to put off marriage?

Also, if you did wait a few years, do you have a time limit established on when you will begin to focus on your own needs and life?

You mentioned “to help your mom raise him”, while I do not know how old he is or what are his special needs, are you looking to help raise him into adulthood? If so, I imagine that would be at least ten more years.

It seems you have some ideas about goals and time frames; however, it is helpful in sha’ Allah to see them visually.

You may want to write out a more defined list of things you wish to accomplish with your family such as getting closer to your younger sibling, providing financial support to your mom, providing help around the home, helping your father improve his health, in sha’ Allah and so forth.

Additionally, in sha’ Allah, you would want to set up a time frame.

Would it be when you saw progress and stability, or is it when you feel the time is right?

As your younger sibling has special needs, will it be when he is stable as well, and as I am not sure of his special needs, the bigger question is will he ever be able to be stable, to live independently?

Setting up a time line in addition to specific goals you wish to achieve within your family is important as it gives structure and a defined purpose rather than an indefinite period of unknown accomplishments.

As Muslims, it’s always important that we try our best to prioritize our lives around what is most pleasing to Allah  (swt) based on the guidance provided to us through our deen.

So, in prioritizing or setting goals, it is important to look at the totality of our lives, our deen and what is best for our families and self.

As marriage is half our deen, and it is highly encouraged in Islam to marry.

I would not rule that out, if you do marry, perhaps you will marry a man who would be happy to help you with your family situation as well as being a compassionate, loving and supportive husband, thus extending your family circle and creating happiness and joy.

We never know what Allah (swt) has for us; therefore, I encourage you not to rule out marriage as it may be more of a benefit rather than a burden.

Marriage is a very important part of not only an individual’s religious life, but it is an important institution for upholding the stability and continuity of the community as a whole.

Further adding that

“it may be a lot more difficult to marry and have children at a later stage in life. Once that opportunity passes, you will never be able to get it back.”

Thus, I encourage you to make du’aa’ to Allah (swt) in regards to this and ask Allah (swt) to guide you to the right path concerning marriage.

Lastly, often times after graduation, it is quite normal for young people to feel rather lost in regards to which direction they should chose in life, and frankly it can be quite scary, thus it sometimes becomes easier to stay at home with a lifestyle that is known.

While this does not seem to be the issue in your case, as you stated you wanted to help your family, I just thought I would mention it so you may reflect upon this as well to see if there may be some hesitation on your part due to some fear or feelings of loss of direction.

While I am not a Islamic scholar and cannot advice you if it is “lawful to reject marriage proposals until much later”, I can only advice you to look deeply within yourself to see if there are other reasons why you may not want to get married.

I truly believe that with Allah (swt) all things are possible, and that you can marry as well as taking care of your family, too.

I suggest that you read Qur’an for guidance and make du’aa’ to Allah (swt) about your conflicting situation.

I am confident all will work outin sha’ Allah if you are open to compromise and communication with not only your family, but any proposal you may get.

We never know what blessings Allah (swt) will send our way!

***

- aboutislam.net

About Aisha Mohammad

Aisha has a PhD in psychology, an MS in public health and a PsyD. Aisha worked as a Counselor/Psychologist for 12 years at Geneva B. Scruggs Community Health Care Center in New York. She has worked with clients with mental health issues such as anxiety, depression, panic disorder, trauma, and OCD. She also facilitated support groups and provided specialized services for victims of domestic violence, HIV positive individuals, as well youth/teen issues. Aisha is certified in Mindfulness, Trauma Informed Care, Behavioral Management, Restorative Justice/ Healing Circles, Conflict Resolution, Mediation, and Confidentiality & Security. Aisha is also a Certified Life Coach, and Relationship Workshop facilitator. Aisha has a part-time Life Coaching practice in which she integrates the educational concepts of stress reduction, mindfulness, introspection, empowerment, self love and acceptance and spirituality to create a holistic healing journey for clients. Aisha is also a part of several organizations that advocates for prisoner rights/reentry, social & food justice, as well as advocating for an end to oppression & racism. In her spare time, Aisha enjoys her family, photography, nature, martial arts classes, Islamic studies, volunteering/charity work, as well as working on her book and spoken word projects.

Does a Civil Divorce Count in Islam?

 

Actually, I’m not aware of any Imam saying yes to this. The question is as follows: if the husband files for divorce, I’m going to go a bit back. If the husband files for divorce, in Islamic law, the writing of divorce is the same as verbalizing divorce.

So if the husband files for divorce and signs that he’s divorcing his wife, we don’t care if it’s a civil court or an Islamic judge, or if he writes to the wife or a friend. It doesn’t matter. He has written, “I’m divorcing my wife.” It’s not that it’s a civil court or not. When you write, “The wife is divorced,” or “I’m petitioning for divorce,” or “This is a divorce,” when you write this, this is the divorce. That’s the same as the verbal. So the husband writing that he’s divorcing the wife to the civil court is a divorce.

The flip side, when the wife files for divorce, we have to be very specific here. She is filing for the civil divorce, and the civil divorce, that is the business of the state and the country. There’s another aspect which is the marriage contract.

That marriage contract will not, in and of itself, be nullified if the wife files for a civil divorce. Rather, she must do one other step, with multiple options.

Number one, she gets the husband to agree, and the husband then agrees and signs “no contest,” “I accept she’s also divorcing,” and they can then agree this is a Khul`, which is when the wife files for divorce in an Islamic court. Because if the wife asks for divorce in an Islamic court and the judge agrees, this is called Khul`.

So if the husband agrees “no contest” or whatever, this could be acceptable and in that case, it will then be a Khul`.

But what if the husband doesn’t agree? This is where the Fiqh Councils have basically said that she should go to an arbitration council of senior scholars of the community, or at least one neutral, respected scholar, so that the scholar can look into the case. What is going on?

If the husband has abandoned her, if the husband is not paying anything, if the husband is abusive, and the scholar, the arbitration committee, tries to contact him, or the husband is not interested in this and it’s clear that he’s being unjust, then the arbitration committee or the Imam can say, “Okay, this is a violent husband, and so you deserve Khul`.”

So she will do the civil divorce, and the arbitration committee of the Sheikh will say this is a legitimate Khul` because we have spoken to your husband and it’s clear that he is abandoning you or he’s not treating you rightly or whatever.

In the end, you have to understand one thing. In an ideal Islamic land, suppose everything was 100%, we had the Shari`ah around us, the wife is not a prisoner. If she really wanted to get out of the marriage, after some hurdles, any Islamic court would say she’s not a prisoner. If she kept on saying, just like in the case in the Prophet’s time, Khawlah came to the Prophet and said, “Ya Rasulullah, I don’t have any specific complaints about my husband, I just don’t want to remain married to him.” She literally said, “I don’t have a specific complaint, this is just not working out.” He didn’t even ask her a second question. He said, “Will you give him his Mahr back? Because you are filing, and you’re telling me he’s not doing anything wrong, it’s not his fault. You are telling me he did nothing wrong and you’re simply saying it’s not working out. Are you going to return the Mahr? He gave you an entire garden, a piece of land. Are you going to return it to him?” She said, “Yes, I’ll return it to him.” He, right then and there, gave the Khul`.

So I’m trying to explain to our brothers who are sometimes a little bit too oversensitive in this regard: a wife is not a prisoner. If she really wanted to get out, eventually she would. In even the most conservative country, the judge will say, “Give it a try, try another three months, try another five months.” And then she’ll come back again, “I still don’t want to do it.” Okay, fair, Bismillah, Khul` will happen.

So when we don’t have an Islamic court in this country, what is the alternative?

The alternative is, as I said, that she will go to a Sheikh or an arbitration committee. But now what if there is no Sheikh in her community? This is a problem, and there’s no easy solution to this. The Fiqh Council is talking about this now, let’s see what the fatwa comes out with. But without a doubt, the default is, if the wife files for divorce, as a default you cannot say the talaq takes place in the eyes of Allah, because the civil divorce filed by the wife is a civil case. The divorce is a separate issue. The Khul` is a separate issue.

So she should do one of two things: either get the husband to say this isn’t working out and, “Let’s just finish the marriage,” and he will sign, or if he’s being nasty and mean, which is very common—talk to any Imam in the country, talk to any sheikh in the country, he will tell you horror stories about this reality. By the way, every time I say this, I get a whole bunch of emails from men with their horror stories. Everybody has horror stories. I agree, sometimes women are violent to men, sometimes men are violent to women. I agree. I’m just right now talking about this scenario. 100%, sometimes wives are very unjust to their husbands and they take them to court and they take extra money. That’s also injustice, and sometimes it’s the other way around. So stop blaming each other. Each side is guilty of its own crimes and each one has issues to deal with.

So in this case, if the wife wants to get out of the marriage and the husband keeps on refusing for no legitimate reason, what is she going to do?

This is usually the case we get, in which the husband has abandoned her financially. The husband is angry at her for whatever reason and he’s saying “enough.” And this is un-Islamic. It’s literally, Allah says, “Do not leave her suspended.” This is literally in the Quran. “Do not leave her suspended,” neither is she your wife, nor can she marry somebody else.

This is, I would say, a very common case in this part of the world. What should a woman do in that case? We say in this case, she files for divorce in the civil court, she explains her situation, but she should get some neutral party to verify that this is the case.

Somebody, even if not in her own city, maybe she’s in some small town, go to the closest place, at least get some person of knowledge so that he can verify that yes, this is an unjust husband. When that is the case, insha’Allah, with the civil divorce and the Fatwa or the judgment of the Sheikh, insha’Allah it would be considered Khul` or divorce.

Almighty Allah knows best.

Source: Live Q&A Session with Shaykh Dr. Yasir Qadhi

About Dr. Yasir Qadhi

Yasir Qadhi was born in Houston, Texas and completed his primary and secondary education in Jeddah, Saudi Arabia. He graduated with a B.Sc. in Chemical Engineering from the University of Houston, after which he was accepted as a student at the Islamic University of Madinah. After completing a diploma in Arabic, he graduated with a B.A. from the College of Hadith and Islamic Sciences. Thereafter, he completed a M.A. in Islamic Theology from the College of Dawah, after which he returned to America and completed his doctorate, in Religious Studies, from Yale University.Currently he is the Dean of al-Maghrib Institute, the Resident Scholar of the Memphis Islamic Center, and a professor at Rhodes College, in Memphis, TN.

Be Gentle – Harshness Breaks Hearts

 

If Islam is making your heart hard, then you aren’t practicing Islam.

This is something I live by these days because of a run in with a hardhearted approach to Islam I had in my formative Muslim years.

Islam was sent to human kind as a mercy, as a way to make life bearable. Islam is easy, as the hadith goes, but we make it hard on each other. I learned this the hard way after hurting others and almost breaking my own heart with harshness.

After Converting

After converting, I found myself in the midst of a very friendly and accepting South-East Asian community. And because of my surroundings, I unwittingly fell into following a madhhab. I was so new to Islam I didn’t know what that meant. And I do not regret it.

But then, I moved to a different city with a very different Muslim community. I had no clue that the community I was about to enter was so different from the one I had just left. I didn’t know Muslims could be so different.

I stumbled into a community where some Muslims acted as if a harshness was a tenet of faith. I learned so much about differences of opinions, innovation in religion, verifying sources, different sects and schools of thought from the contrast in the communities and the wealth of knowledge that my new community held.

I felt like I had been thrown into the deep end of Islamic knowledge. It was intense. But I was game. And then I became intense.

Knowledge as a Weapon!

As I learned seriously technical knowledge within the first six months to a year of my conversion, I also noticed that the members of my new community were using their knowledge as a weapon. It was almost as if they were learning hadith and Quran just to harass someone with their knowledge.

I witnessed sisters have a bitter and prolonged fight over how to sit while eating. They used their difference of opinion as an excuse to harm each other, but forgot that the Prophet (peace be upon him) taught us:

“None of you will believe until you love for your brother what you love for yourself.” (Narrated in Bukhari & Muslim)

I watched people come to Islam, get involved in this kind of battle of opinions, and leave Islam entirely. Their faith had turned into a kind of armor, rigid and suffocating, but used to protect them from the battle of opinions they chose to participate in.

Their faith also became a weapon, sharp and brutal, but necessary in order to strike, offend, and make themselves feel superior. But no one’s iman, one’s heart cannot survive rigid, suffocating, sharp, and brutal conditions for any extended amount of time without breaking.

In this environment, I witnessed a child being treated with contempt because his recently converted mother was listening to music. It was as if learning and clinging to details and opinions was making people forget that Islam requires the opposite of this harsh behavior.

Be Gentle & Merciful

The Prophet (peace be upon him) said:

“Be merciful to the people of the earth and the One in the heavens will have mercy upon you.” (Narrated in Tirmidhi)

Most people had an impossible standard for everyone else, but rarely took the time to turn that critique inward. This attitude is bleak but it is also contagious.

I once witnessed brothers backbite each other because one’s beard was not long enough, and another’s was too long, yet another’s was too shabby, and the other guy’s was too manicured. It was as if the hadith: “Make things easy for the people, and do not make it difficult for them.”, was never spoken by the Prophet (peace be upon him).

There were some compassionate and wise people in this community, but there were also those to whom Islam was only rules as protection and weapon. I could have chosen to approach my faith and brothers and sisters with ease and compassion, as my faith and the wise people in this community taught me. But I didn’t. I was swept up into the attitude of attack or be attacked.

And I ended up holding harsh opinions of people with good hearts. I found any women who didn’t wear the exact style of dress as me to be unworthy of my time. I thought less of people who held any difference in opinion than me. I treated people who didn’t act exactly like me as if they were less than me. I hurt a lot of good people for no reason. For that I can never apologize enough. I failed to see my own arrogance, my own hard heartedness, my own flaws. For that I lost myself.

I Finally Changed

I became angry, bitter, and judgmental. Until one day, I didn’t recognize myself. I didn’t even like myself.

I learned a lot, but I also unlearned the really important things. The things that Islam was revealed to give us: solace, fraternity, equality, joy, ease. It was all lost. I lost a sisterhood. I lost friends. And I nearly broke my own heart from the brittleness I had created in it.

And it took time to for people to forgive me. It took a long time to heal myself. It took me a long time to remember that everyone’s journey is different and I had no qualifications to judge others. It took me a long time to admit that I was wrong.

Islam was sent as a mercy. {And We have not sent you (O Muhammad) except as a mercy to the worlds.} (Quran 21:107)

- aboutislam.net

About Theresa Corbin

Theresa Corbin is the author of The Islamic, Adult Coloring Book and co-author of The New Muslim’s Field Guide. Corbin is a French-creole American and Muslimah who converted in 2001. She holds a BA in English Lit and is a writer, editor, and graphic artist who focuses on themes of conversion to Islam, Islamophobia, women's issues, and bridging gaps between peoples of different faiths and cultures. She is a regular contributor for AboutIslam.net and Al Jumuah magazine. Her work has also been featured on CNN and Washington Post, among other publications. Visit her blog, islamwich, where she discusses the intersection of culture and religion.

What Did The Prophet Say on Beating Women?

 

In the name of Allah, the Gracious, the Merciful

Prophet Muhammad’s Mercy

Prophet Muhammad never struck a woman or a servant or an animal. He never beat anyone for any reason and he never hit anything unless he was defending himself in battle.

Aisha reported:

The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, did not strike a servant or a woman, and he never struck anything with his hand.

Source: Ṣaḥīḥ Muslim 2328, Grade: Sahih

The Prophet warned us that Allah will retaliate on the Day of Judgment against those who wrongly beat others.

Abu Huraira reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said:

Whoever strikes someone will receive retribution for it on the Day of Resurrection.

Source: al-Adab al-Mufrad 185, Grade: Sahih

Likewise, the Prophet warned us that Allah will punish those who torture others.

Hisham ibn Hakim reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said:

Verily, Allah will torture those who torture people in this world.

Source: Ṣaḥīḥ Muslim 2613, Grade: Sahih

Beating a servant and causing harm to him is a major sin. If a Muslim beats his servant, the Prophet commanded the servant to be set free.

Ibn Umar reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said:

Whoever strikes his servant without limit or slaps him, then the expiation for the sin is to emancipate him.

Source: Ṣaḥīḥ Muslim 1657, Grade: Sahih

What Did The Prophet Say on Beating Women?

In the case of a wife who commits major sins, the Prophet gave permission for men to strike their wives without causing pain as a symbolic gesture intended as a last resort to correct her behavior.

Sulaiman ibn Amr reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said:

I certainly enjoin you to treat women well for they are like your captives, and you do not have any right to treat them otherwise unless they commit a clear obscenity. If they do so, you may forsake their beds and then strike them without causing pain (ghayra mubarriḥ), but if they obey you then you may not do so.

Source: Sunan al-Tirmidhī 1163, Grade: Sahih

The “striking” without pain is only a teaching mechanism intended to draw attention to the seriousness of major sins and reform bad behavior. It is not intended to punish, humiliate, or degrade the dignity of a wife, nor is it meant to injure or harm her. For this reason, classical scholars placed strict limits on this and recommended a man use nothing more than a handkerchief.

Al-Rāzī writes:

It should be a striking with a folded handkerchief or his palm, and he should not strike her with whips or clubs.

Source: Tafsīr al-Rāzī 4:34

Nevertheless, the Prophet never did this himself and he criticized men who strike their wives harshly and without a just cause.

Abdullah bin Zam’ah reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said:

How does one of you beat his wife as he beats the stallion camel and then embrace her?

Source: Ṣaḥīḥ al-Bukhārī 5695, Grade: Sahih

Iyas ibn Abdullah reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said:

Many women have come to the family of Muhammad complaining about their husbands hitting them. These men are not the best among you.

Source: Sunan Abī Dāwūd 2146, Grade: Sahih

Indeed, Allah has prohibited men from harming their wives as a means to correct their behavior.

Allah said:

Do not harm them in order to straighten them.

Surat al-Ṭalāq 65:6

Abuse a Cause for Divorce

If a Muslim man violates these strict limits and he abuses his wife, the Prophet considered this a just cause for divorce.

Yahya ibn Sa’eed reported: Habeeba bint Sahl was the wife of Thabit ibn Qais ibn Shammas and it was mentioned to the Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, that Thabit had struck her so she appeared at the door of the Messenger of Allah. The Prophet said to him:

Take your dowry and let her go.

Source: Sunan al-Dārimī 2200, Grade: Sahih

Based upon this precedent, Muslim women deserve legal protection from abusive husbands and may seek a divorce in court.

What was the Deal with the Nudge?

Some people mistakenly believe that the Prophet abused Aisha because of her statement:

He nudged me firmly on the chest.

They have mistranslated the word here to mean a beating or striking, but the word used in this tradition is lahaza which means a nudge or a light push. How can it mean the Prophet shoved or hit her when she herself testifies that he never hit anything except when defending himself in battle?

This type of light contact was a common teaching mechanism of the Prophet, to grab the attention of his companions before delivering a lesson. After the Prophet nudged her chest, he taught her the following supplication:

May Allah have mercy on those who have gone ahead of us and those who will come later. If Allah wills, we will join them.

Source: Sunan al-Nasā’ī 2307, Grade: Sahih

This teaching mechanism is similar to how the Prophet would behave with his other companions.

Abu Dharr reported:

The Prophet struck my chest with his hand and he said…

Source: Ṣaḥīḥ Muslim 1825, Grade: Sahih

This “striking” is not meant to cause pain but rather to grab their attention before teaching an important lesson.

Kindness is given a Special Reward from Allah

In all things, the Prophet recommended us to be kind and gentle to others, as kindness is given a special reward from Allah.

Aisha reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said:

Verily, Allah is gentle and He loves gentleness and he rewards for gentleness what is not granted for harshness. He does not reward anything else like it.

Source: Ṣaḥīḥ Muslim 2593, Grade: Sahih

We should be especially kind and gentle with our spouses and family members, as it is a sign of Allah’s favor.

Aisha reported: The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said:

If Allah the Exalted intends goodness for a household, he lets gentleness come over them.

Source: Musnad Aḥmad 23906, Grade: Sahih

The Prophet enjoined kindness and gentleness even for the animals and he warned us not to beat them.

Aisha reported: I was upon a camel which was misbehaving so I began to strike it. The Messenger of Allah, peace and blessings be upon him, said:

You must be gentle. Verily, gentleness is not in anything except that it beautifies it, and it is not removed from anything except that it disgraces it.

Source: Musnad Aḥmad 24417, Grade: Sahih

Therefore, we should do our best to emulate the example of the Prophet. He never hit a woman or a servant or an animal, and he never hit anything unless he was fighting in self-defense. The Prophet would be gentle, patient, forbearing, and forgiving with his family, his wives, his servants, and even the people who abused him.

Success comes from Allah, and Allah knows best.

- aboutislam.net

About Abu Amina Elias

Abu Amina Elias (Justin Parrott) is a Muslim writer, teacher, and translator and a research fellow for the Yaqeen Institute for Islamic Research. The postings on these sites are his own and do not necessarily represent the positions, opinions, or strategies of the Institute or its membership.

Between Anxiety and Trust in Allah

 

Most of us have a routine. We wake up at a certain time, brush our teeth, go to the same job, eat the same foods, and so on.

But life is full of uncertainties. Life itself is uncertain. And every now and then the false sense of certainty that our routine gives us is pulled back and we experience the uncertain reality of life.

This uncertainty of life has been a defining factor of my life lately. Since I have moved from my home, and as my husband and I seek the means to build a new life, we have been in constant state of flux.

Our life together has been a series of packing, unpacking, repacking, moving, unpacking, and doing it all again.

Tethering to Allah

This may all sound like a great adventure to some who feel stuck in a rut or those who just like to be on the move.

But for me, someone who has suffered from pretty serious anxiety from an early age, uncertainty is like poison.

Stability and routine is a coping mechanism that many people with anxiety cling to.

And when the illusions of stability and certainty are pulled back from my life, it causes an extreme reaction.

My brain goes into overdrive sending signals that I am in constant, life threatening danger. It is a feeling and a state of distress that only those who have experienced it can really understand.

It is a feeling of terror that you are floating away into space not knowing if you can make your way back to solid ground.

However, for the past fifteen years since converting to Islam, I have made Islam my solid ground. No matter where I am, I pray at certain times.

No matter who surrounds me, I know that I have brothers and sisters in faith who know my heart. No matter what upheaval is happening, I know that in Islam I have certainty and stability.

To feel like I can and will make my way back to solid ground, I have tethered myself to my belief in Allah (SWT).

This is a part of the gift of Islam that Allah (SWT) gave to humanity because even for people who do not suffer from mental health issues these certainties provide comfort.

But for those of us with anxiety, or depression, or bipolar disorder, or borderline personality disorder this stability is so much more meaningful.

Allah’s Perfect Plan

But lately, even these stable touch points have not been enough to counter the intense anxiety that has swelled inside my mind.

Everything in my world is in upheaval. Nothing is certain, nothing can be planned, and even the simplest plans change a hundred times.

It came to a point where I felt as if I could not take much more. I ask Allah (SWT) in desperation to show me what I needed to learn, how I needed to change.

I needed to know what Allah was guiding me to or away from so that I could just feel better, stable.

After asking Allah to guide me, all I could think of was His plan. The reality is not that life is uncertain.

The reality is that we just don’t know what is certain. With Allah is certainty.

The Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) said:

“Allah wrote down the decrees of creation fifty thousand years before He created the heavens and the earth.” (Sahih Muslim)

And Allah Almighty asks us to trust His plan. He tells us in the Quran:

{[…] and put your trust in Allah if you are believers indeed} (Quran 5: 23)

I realized that I could not and cannot know what harm Allah (SWT) may be keeping from me. I cannot know, at this point, what Allah may be directing me toward.

All I know is the bitterness of the prevention and/or guidance and I have to put my trust in Allah if I strive to be a mu’min (a believer).

After asking Allah to guide me, I could only think that it might hurt now, but Allah’s plan is perfect and if I trust in Him as He has asked, it will be more than OK.

The Prophet said:

“I am amazed by the believer. Verily, Allah does not decree anything for the believer except what is good for him.” (Muslim)

Allah’s Perfect Knowledge

After asking Allah (SWT) to guide me, I could only think that Allah knows it hurts, but sometimes the medicine is bitter.

But He also knows that and is with me as I struggle. He is with me in times when I feel like a puddle of pain, panic, and tears; and He has a perfect plan for what is on the other side of this instability, this upheaval. He is the ultimate knower, Al-`Alim (the All-Knowing).

{And He is the All-Knowing, the All-Powerful.} (Quran 30:54)

As I focused on Allah’s perfect plan and knowledge, and returned to these thoughts day after day, they started to become a few more tethers to solid ground.

Truly knowing and internalizing, as I move forward, that no matter where I am, what I am going through, Allah is with me in His knowledge and has a perfect plan has become a great comfort to me.

While I fully recognize and advocate seeking medical means to good health including good mental health– It takes medical attention, physical activity, and spiritual awareness– having faith in Allah’s plan and knowledge are a few more touch points of stability that I and anyone can use to cope with anxiety and other forms of mental health issues.

- aboutislam.net

About Theresa Corbin

Theresa Corbin is the author of The Islamic, Adult Coloring Book and co-author of The New Muslim’s Field Guide. Corbin is a French-creole American and Muslimah who converted in 2001. She holds a BA in English Lit and is a writer, editor, and graphic artist who focuses on themes of conversion to Islam, Islamophobia, women's issues, and bridging gaps between peoples of different faiths and cultures. She is a regular contributor for AboutIslam.net and Al Jumuah magazine. Her work has also been featured on CNN and Washington Post, among other publications. Visit her blog, islamwich, where she discusses the intersection of culture and religion.