Should a Woman Leave Her Elderly Mother to Live With Her Husband?

 

I truly empathize with the heavy burden you carry—caring for your elderly mother who depends entirely on you, supporting your special-needs son, and feeling the responsibility toward your husband who is far away. This is not an easy situation, and the very fact that you are worried about balancing these duties shows the sincerity of your faith. May Allah grant you strength, wisdom, and comfort.

Balancing Between Husband and Mother in Islam

In Islam, both your mother and your husband have sacred rights. Your husband has the right to companionship, care, and kindness, especially when he feels lonely or unwell.

At the same time, caring for parents—especially in old age—is one of the greatest acts of worship. Allah says: {Be grateful to Me and to your parents; to Me is the final return.} (Luqman 31:14)

Serving your mother in her weakness is a form of devotion that draws you near to Allah.

Practical Steps to Navigate Family Duties

• Communicate gently with your husband: explain that you are not neglecting him out of disregard, but because your mother has no one else. Stay emotionally close through calls and visits when possible.
• Explore middle paths: perhaps arrange occasional trusted help for your mother so you can spend time with your husband, or discuss ways he might visit more often.
• Set your intention: if you serve your mother, do so for Allah’s sake; if you visit your husband, do so to honor his rights. Both are worship when rooted in sincerity.

Is It a Sin to Stay With Your Mother Instead of Husband?

No, you are not committing a grave sin. You are faced with overlapping obligations, and Allah does not burden a soul beyond its capacity (Al-Baqarah 2:286). Since you are sincerely striving to balance these duties, Allah will reward your effort and intention.

Here is aDu`a’ for Strength in Balancing Duties

Allahumma a`inni `ala dhikrika wa shukrika wa husni `ibadatik, wa waffiqni li-birr walidayya wa husni mu`asharati zawji.
“O Allah, help me to remember You, to be grateful to You, and to worship You in the best way. Grant me success in serving my parents with kindness and in treating my husband with goodness.”

Almighty Allah knows best.

- aboutislam.net

About Sheikh Ahmad Kutty

Sheikh Ahmad Kutty is a Senior Lecturer and an Islamic Scholar at the Islamic Institute of Toronto, Ontario, Canada