Turbulent emotions and an unstable world
With the world in a state of perpetual instability, the emotional challenges many of us face in our personal lives are being exacerbated by the new world we are entering into.
Uncertainties around health, education, employment, food, housing, community – already prevalent – have intensified and become more widespread. One or several of these uncertainties have become part and parcel of the lives of many. Our emotional resilience is being stretched, and for some people it can feel unbearable.
So, when we get struck with feelings of anxiety, powerlessness, loneliness, hopelessness, depression or even despair, how do we respond? When these feelings are real, when an individual feels them deep in the fibres of their body, what is the solution to finding peace within?
When avoidance is not the answer
Or we may hear other well intended advice coming from friends and relatives who wish the best for us.As Muslims, when we experience strong, perpetual negative feelings, we may be told, “It’s a test sister – be patient and have trust in Allah”, or “Have you read the Qur’ an, brother – it will give you strength and hope”.
There is certainly truth in these examples of advice given.
At the same time, while phrases such as “have patience and trust in Allah” are valid, they can remain intellectual ideas lacking any depth of traction. To activate these qualities with meaning, so that traction occurs, a capacity we can exercise is that of directing our attention to the internal world with the ‘patience’ (sabr) and ‘trust’ (tawakkul) we are being asked to have.
Another hurdle is that many of us will have received childhood messages that some emotions are good and some bad. We may also have been told that negative experiences such as ‘despair’ are from Shatyan – an audience member put this in the chat box at an online event I recently spoke at.
The cultural conditioning that has shaped us will have led most of us to have developed strategies to suppress or avoid emotional experiences we consider ‘wrong’ or ‘bad’.
The remedy however may not be in emotional avoidance, but in the exact opposite.
We may need to fully feel what is here.
Radical honesty and the power of acceptance
“…and that it is He alone who causes [you] to laugh and to weep”
– Qur’an 53:43
Just like storms are nature’s way of restoring balance in the atmospheric system, the storms in our psyches, governed by the same Divine intelligence, also serve that function in the inner world.
Our psyches ‘know’ how to move from a state of turmoil to a state of inner peace and wholeness. The mechanisms are there, built in by the Creator. All that is needed is for ‘us’, our ego-mind, to surrender to the intelligence present.
Thus, rather than resisting and fighting against a ‘negative’ emotion, if we were to instead give ourselves permission to fully feel that emotional ‘storm’ in our body, our relationship with our emotional pain is transformed.
This is where the patience and trust come in.
For pushing against a ‘negative’ feeling only keeps it stuck. All the while, the emotion churns away under the surface. The storm gains strength and we get easily triggered into destructive reactions by everyday life events.
Invitation to a practise
Rumi wisely says, “The wound is the place where the Light enters you.”
In this spirit, if you have a strong, troubling emotion, I invite you to find a place where you won’t be disturbed for a few minutes, and sit with it as follows:
Let the eyes close
Notice what emotion you are feeling in your body. See if you can name what it is: Is it anger, sadness, anxiety, shame? Or something else?
Then, name where in the body you feel that right now? Put your attention onto that area.
As you feel and accept the raw feeling in the body, it will feel welcome. It won’t stay stuck hanging out beneath the surface. It will instead have permission to come through and out.
Gently surround the raw feeling with your acceptance. This is an opportunity to be truly patient with that feeling. If it helps, use the breath to connect more with it.
It isn’t for us to force anything, but simply to trust in and surrender to the process.
The ‘storm’ can then do its work, helping to rebalance the system, and leaving us more at peace, and transformed.
Opening through the layers
It may be that once we feel and open into one feeling, another feeling starts coming through. Perhaps we fully feel that raw anger. It passes through. A different feeling may now arise. Perhaps hurt, sadness or something else. There can often be something beneath anger.
We can do the same for this new feeling. This may lead us to move through a number of ‘emotional layers’. Eventually, we may open into a more peaceful, expanded state.
I elaborate further on this process in the E-Book, ‘Radical Healing, Wholeness and Islam: An Introductory Narrative on Transforming Emotional Pain Through Journeywork’, which describes how it can be used for deep therapeutic work. But the foundation is always the feeling and acceptance of emotions that arise.
Transforming emotional pain: A real life example
An example of one of my client’s will shed more light on the potential power of this approach.
Rabia , a nurse in her forties, had been experiencing years of family stress, as well as past physical and emotional abuse from a close uncle. She was feeling a lack of self-worth. Her emotional burdens were weighing her down, and she was experiencing frequent headaches.
In the video session, Rabia expressed feeling a deep sadness and helplessness. As I worked with her, inviting her with eyes closed, to feel these experiences in the body, she began to slowly open into an intense feeling of despair.
The temptation was to push the despair back down, but she courageously stayed with it. As she fully accepted and let herself open into it, the despair gradually moved through her. Rabia finally opened into a liberating experience of hopefulness, of feeling worthwhile and of being loved.
The shift from sadness and helplessness, to hopefulness and love, came with the release of a lot of tears, as the pain she had been holding onto fell away. It took about half-an-hour in this instance, and she went through several emotional ‘layers’ – some very intense. The time-period can vary, and we may need support, but the shift only occurs when we stay fully present and accepting of what is, even when that changes.
The following day, Rabia’s headaches were noticeably diminished, and she felt energised and more motivated. While we had done some additional therapeutic work in the session described above, the foundation was the feeling of and acceptance of emotions that arose.
Meaning and Wholeness
The ‘negative’ emotions Rabia experienced thus had a healing power, which was only revealed through a radical honesty of what she authentically felt in her body. Her negative feelings were thus a doorway that opened into the gift of peace. Additionally, she gained insights and meaning regarding her past.
By feeling the storm within we let it do its work on us, and our inner world is purified. By giving ourselves permission to feel all our emotions, we become more integrated, whole human beings, journeying towards Insan-i Kamil. We also more readily gain greater understanding of the meaning behind our experiences – the why – which grounds and enriches our day-to-day life.
Supporting others
Feelings of anxiety, loneliness, depression, despair and so forth can genuinely be debilitating.
If we know anyone experiencing them, we might help by being non-judgmentally present and accepting of that person – without trying to ‘solve their problem’, nor minimising what they are feeling. Listening with acceptance can support them to know it is okay to be feeling what is there. That alone can be healing.
Our own journey
Coupled with the common practises in the Islamic tradition, such as salat, quran, fasting, zakat, du’ aa, and so forth, we have a strong foundation for inner resilience and a sense of connection in turbulent times.
If we ourselves experience strong negative emotions, by giving ourselves permission to feel that experience in our body, we open a door – a door that can turn the inner pain into the remedy which, as Rumi tells us, in his beautiful poem, The Guest House, “…sweeps our house empty of its furniture… cleaning you out for some new delight…”
To help us on our journey, there may be times when we may benefit from professional psychological support, especially when we have experienced past abuse or trauma. If so, it is important to acknowledge this and reach out.
There may also be instances when we need to address outer disharmony or injustice. We can do this with greater presence when we have the means and patience for fully facing our inner world – when we can open ourselves to and trust in the Divine intelligence that dissolves barriers, and lets essence shine through.
Note: The names, and certain personal details of any client mentioned in this article have been changed to honour their privacy.
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