Friday, 8 December 2017

Fight laziness to maintain a happy marriage

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Sometimes, after a period of being married, women become lazy as they lose the desire to do anything. In medicine, laziness is defined as, “A state of drowsiness and disinclination to activity or exertion arising from stress and nervousness, with the accumulation of responsibilities and diverse concerns.” Field studies have proven that women are more likely to suffer from laziness than men.
In order to treat this condition you should moderately accustom yourself to you physical and social activities; you should constantly assess your lifestyle and realistically set your goals. Some useful tips for those who suffer from laziness are:
• Formulate a weekly or daily plan for your basic activities.
• Receive each day with a positive spirit.
• Be determined to achieve more success in activities and relationships.
• Know that laziness is an abhorred quality that has serious effects on the health such as heavy breathing, anxiety, and depression, whereas activity increases women’s activity and liveliness.

• Do some of the housework yourself:
A new study has discovered that washing dishes and kitchenware eliminates the wife’s concerns and considerably improves her psychological state. The study was conducted on 700 women; 90 percent were in a good mood and had high spirits after completing the housework.
The study affirmed that the relation between housework and women’s mental relaxation lies in her attempt to get out of the vicious circle of anxiety. In this way, the vicious circle will be broken by a positive action. Despite the fact that washing dishes is an everyday process, it is still useful.
• Maintain quietness in your home:
A quiet home contributes to happiness, and this is why so many husbands and wives both complain about the lack of marital happiness because of continuous noise, clamor, and the sound of children yelling all day long.
In order for a couple to recover the lost aspect of their marital happiness, they have to accustom their children to be quiet and not to render the home a place for playing in a violent manner, or for yelling and shouting. The Prophet, sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam, says: “There are four aspects of happiness: a righteous wife, a spacious home, a righteous neighbor, and a comfortable mount. (Similarly), there are four aspects of misery: a bad wife, a bad neighbor, a bad mount, and a small home.” [Al-Haakim, Al-Albaani: Saheeh] The more spacious the house is, the quieter it becomes as children can play in a part of the house without annoying anyone.
• Do not impose your opinion insistently:
One does not attain happiness by controlling others and forcing them to do what they do not believe in. On the contrary, true happiness lies in reaching the truth through persuasion, dialogue, and calm discussion.
Some women have an raging desire and find pleasure in forcing their husbands concur with their own beliefs. Their husbands might agree with them on some occasions just to boost their egos, but they might go too far, which drives the husbands to stop such attitudes regardless of how many problems might arise.

There is a tale called “The he-sparrow and the she-sparrow”. Once upon a time, a husband held a small sparrow in his hands and he and his wife looked at this beautiful bird. The husband said, “What a lovely he-sparrow!” The wife told him, “Excuse me, it is a she-sparrow!”, and they kept arguing about it as each of them held on to his/her opinion. The argument turned into an ugly fight, and they did not get over it until a long time had passed.

After one year, they recalled this incident, and the husband reminded his wife, “Do you remember that silly argument we had a year ago about the sparrow?” His wife said, “Oh yes, I do remember. I had considered divorce then, but thank Allah The Almighty that it ended happily. Anyway, I admit to you dear, that you were totally wrong about this dilemma of the she-sparrow.”
The husband replied, “A she- sparrow! No, it was a he-sparrow.” The wife said, “No, I am telling you it was a she-sparrow,” and they started fighting again over it.
How many he-sparrows and she-sparrows there are behind the fights among husbands and wives! Dear sister, try not to impose your personal opinion on others, if you find others unwilling to adopt your opinion just drop it and spare yourself unnecessary trouble.
• Maintain your beauty and style:
Maintaining your beauty and style has a remarkable effect on your psychological state. Moreover, neglecting this makes it likely that your husband will dislike you, and may not tolerate sitting with or listening to you. Undoubtedly, this would severely affect the wife’s psychological state. The only way out of this dilemma is for the woman to pay more attention to maintaining her beauty and adorn herself for her husband.
An elegant woman, who pays great attention to her beauty without any extravagance, would be happy and would make her spouse happy as well. Allah The Exalted has created women with an innate tendency to adornments and beauty; Allah The Almighty Says (what means): {“So is one brought up in ornaments while being during conflict cannot make herself clear? "} [Quran 43:18]
My dear sister, you should maintain your beauty, style, health, weight and good speech.
* You should not talk to your husband harshly with a tough voice.
* You should not use vulgar language with your spouse.
* You should not say anything that he hates, and you should not do any action in front of him that might appear repulsive to him.
* You should adorn yourself for your husband before he comes home so that he sees you at your best.
* You should wear nice and clean clothes and wear the perfume he likes.
* You can wear jewelry that he bought you; it is a nice gesture and he would surely love it. You should adorn yourself for him as if you are adorning yourself for a visit from your female friends or relatives.

• Get over anxiety:
Many wives get very anxious about the future of their marriage; some might worry about aging and losing their beauty, while others would be concerned about a potential financial crisis that may render her husband unable to financially maintain her. Furthermore, some might worry about their husbands having an affair. In fact, there are countless worries, fears, and reasons which drive wives to feel this way. Indeed, whoever surrenders to such worries and fears will never attain happiness.
A woman should take each day as it comes, and have an optimistic perspective about the future; only Allah The Exalted knows what will happen tomorrow. Perhaps tomorrow will be better that today and yesterday, so why worry? Worry does not solve any problem and does not lead to any positive action; instead, it creates further problems, intensifies the current ones, and causes passiveness. On the contrary, optimism fosters sound thinking and drives one to find suitable solutions for each problem. Even if other problems emerge, the optimistic person, who duly trusts Allah The Exalted, would find his way out of them.

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