Saying to wife: I divorce you five times

Question

Shaykh, I am in so much distress and pain. I was slightly mad and I texted my wife that I wanted to end the relationship - just to scare her - and that I would call and tell her the words. I was hoping that she would not answer, but she did, which made me mad. I was like, "Fine, I divorce you 5 times." By Allah, I do not remember my intention, but I can take an oath on Allah's name that it was not of three or more. In my knowledge, which is very limited in this case, if you say 'I divorce you' three times, only then does it take place. By Allah, I added the words '5 times' into the sentence with the intention that that would make the sentence wrong so that it would not make sense and nullify or void the sentence, but later on, I discovered that it does come into effect. Shaykh, we both went through so much to be together; she converted to Islam after so much persuasion and left her family after being abused every day and she lives in social care because of me. We got married over the phone with an imam from my side who acted as her legal guardian and two witnesses, and now because of my one stupidity, one wrong sentence, regarding which I swear by Allah that I intended something else to make it void, our relationship comes to an end. We have not even met. Please, Shaykh, tell me what I should do? We both cry every day and night. I added '5 times' with the intention of making the statement wrong, by Allah. Please, tell us what to do.

Answer

All perfect praise be to Allah, The Lord of the worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allah and that Muhammad  is His slave and Messenger.

First of all, we advise you to take it easy upon yourself. At times of distress, it is a Sunnah for the Muslim to mention Allah as much as possible and not torture himself with anxiety and grief. Abu Bakrah, may Allah be pleased with him, narrated that the Prophet  said, “The supplication of a person in distress is: Allahumma rahmataka arju fala takilni ila nafsi tarfata 'ayn, wa aslih li sha'ni kullahu, la ilaaha illa ant. (O Allah, it is Your Mercy that I hope for, so do not leave me in charge of my affairs even for the blink of an eye and rectify for me all of my affairs. None has the right to be worshiped except You.)” [Abu Daawood]

In general, there is tranquility and comfort for the heart in mentioning Allah; Allah says (what means): {Those who have believed and whose hearts are assured by the remembrance of Allah. Unquestionably, by the remembrance of Allah hearts are assured.".} [Quran 13:28]

On the one hand, writing the words of divorce is one of the metaphors of divorce, and divorce does not take place by it except with the intention of the husband;

On the other hand, divorce in the present tense - by saying "I divorce you" - is not an explicit expression of divorce, so it also depends on the intention of the husband.

You mentioned that you did not intend divorce or that you doubt your intention, but it appears from your statement "I added the words 'five times' into the sentence with the intention that that would make the sentence wrong so that it would not make sense and nullify or void the sentence" that you did intend divorce. Saying three divorces in one sentence takes effect as three divorces. The same applies if you tell her, 'I divorce you, I divorce you, I divorce you'; unless you intended with the second and third divorces to confirm the first one; in which case divorce takes place only as one divorce.

Shaykh Ibn Taymiyyah  held that three utterances of divorce take place as one divorce in all cases. The view that we adopt here in Islamweb is the view of the majority of the scholars.

Since there is a difference of opinion among the scholars of Fiqh on the issue and the matter requires finding out details about your intention as well as what you really uttered, then in our view it is better to speak in person with one of the scholars of your country or to take the case to an Islamic court or whatever serves instead in the West, such as Islamic Centers.

We advise you and your wife to beware of what leads to marital disputes and not to open doors for the devil to ruin your marriage. You should always try to reach mutual understanding and respect and fulfill each other's rights. We advise you in particular to avoid anger because anger is from the devil, and it is a key to much evil.

Allah knows best.

-islamweb.net