Oftentimes in life when we are denied something we want very badly, we rationalize the loss by turning against it.
I suggest you find a quiet, nurturing place for self-reflection. Think about all the possibilities and write down those which resonate within your soul.
I kindly suggest that you prioritize your goals and desires and work on your self-esteem by thinking positive of yourself and your accomplishments.
Think about what it is that you would truly want to do if life was free from drama, stress, and pressure.
I would also suggest that you engage in stress-reduction techniques daily such as prayer and dhikr, progressive body relaxation, deep breathing exercises, and walking.
It appears that you are at a crossroads in your life which is common for young people at your age. Often times, while others may appear to have it “all together”, we may not know what is really going on behind closed doors.
Emotional impact
You are a bright and talented individual with a wonderful future.
Some of us had to endure hearing our parents argue. Surely, it was an upsetting experience which may have harmed our outlook on family, life, your career, and even your sense of self.
However, in sha’ Allah, I urged to not let it continue consuming your life and direction. While you may no longer be under the influences of their arguing, it did affect your ability to study something you loved (medicine). It undermined your own self-confidence and ability to make decisions in life.
Reason
You stated you accelerated in high school, yet failed at getting good grades in the university. During this time, you were subjected to your parents’ arguing; therefore, naturally, your grades were not up to par. Had you not been so concerned about your parents’ situation, I am quite confident that you would have gotten excellent grades with no problem.
Oftentimes in life when we are denied something we want very badly, we rationalize the loss by turning against it. An example would be the fact that now you “developed hatred towards studying medicine”.
Most likely you don’t hate the thought of studying medicine, but you detest the stress associated with previous attempts to study and get good grades. Fearing failure as well as pressures to get married may also play a part.
Life
I kindly suggest that you find a quiet, nurturing place for self-reflection. Think about what it is that you would truly want to do if life was free from dramas, stress, and pressure.
Would you want to be married? Would you want to pursue medicine? Would you find joy in studying Islam to teach women? Think about all the possibilities and write down those which resonate within your soul.
Once you have a list of two or three things you would truly love to do, write a chart of practical steps needed to reach your goal.
I would also suggest writing down possible obstacles (such as the issues you experienced at home) and have a plan of action about how to address these issues so they do not get in your way.
Life a test
Life is a test and Allah (swt) tests us with many things. We all set goals and often we are tested as to how bad we want to achieve something. Often we get tired. Often we may even give up on attaining that goal.
However, by giving up, we may never really know how happy we could have been – or, in your case, how many lives you could change/save by being a doctor. It is my feeling that you would be an excellent, caring, and wonderful doctor who would do great things for your future patients. But in the end, only you can determine where your heart lies concerning this.
Thus, I urge you, in sha’ Allah, to do some deep soul searching. I have confidence in you that whatever you decide, you will be a great success. You just have to take that first step and start over with a brand new enthusiasm for life, for your dreams and goals.
Healing
Recreating enthusiasm is a by-product of healing. Healing from the trauma you went through due to your parents’ arguments and your concern for them should also be a priority, in sha’ Allah.
As things seemed to spiral downwards during this time and new elements were introduced such as marriage, feelings of failure, and low self-esteem, it is only natural that you feel out of sync with yourself.
I kindly suggest that you prioritize your goals and desires and work on your self-esteem by thinking positive of yourself and your accomplishments.
Keep a daily diary of your attributes and good points as well as your progress in reaching your goals. Try to keep things in a balanced perspective regarding your shortcomings (such as getting low grades) and remind yourself that you were under a period of great stress.
In sha’ Allah, I would also suggest that you engage in stress-reduction techniques daily such as prayer and dhikr, progressive body relaxation, deep breathing exercises, and walking.
Take care of yourself socially as well by going out with friends, connecting with nature, enjoying a nice lunch with sisters, or developing an exercise regime which will improve your health and mood, in sha’ Allah.
While you are taking this journey of self-healing and recreating your life and true desires, always remember that there will be more tests and trials ahead in this life.
In sha’ Allah, you will have the coping skills and techniques to deal with them effectively. Allah (swt) is our best healer, sister. Thus, I encourage you to make du’aa’. Know that whatever you decide, Allah (swt) is Most Merciful.
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Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall MyIslam or AboutIslam, its counselors or employees be held liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our reasoning
- aboutislam.net.
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