He Betrayed Me and Married Someone Else

 

The previous relationship you were in, the betrayal you experienced. May Allah help you and give you strength and perseverance to live your life fully, to truly forgive yourself, and to be hopeful that Allah will guide you to reach your dreams.

Every human being makes mistakes. Allah did not create us to be perfect – we are not angels. We are human beings with the power to make our own choices. What Allah wants from us is to ask forgiveness from Him once we make a mistake and to forgive ourselves so we can move on. Life is all about learning and growing. We cannot learn and grow without falling and having the strength and hope to get back up again. Alhamdulillah, it seems that you have realized the importance of hope and have taken care of yourself emotionally after the breakup. May Allah continue giving you the courage, strength, and most importantly hope to live on in peace.

It may seem like something far, but please continue to pray and make du’aa’ to Allah that He will grant you a great spouse and a great marriage. I understand that society’s norms and those around you such as friends and family may make you feel that you are “too old” or someone who is not an ideal candidate for marriage. Please, remember that our lives and everything that happens to us has already been written by Allah. If Allah has willed it, then no one can stop in Allah’s way. Believe it and let that thought sink in. We have been told to ask Allah for whatever we wish and to not be ashamed, to not back down, and to have full faith that He will, in fact, answer our prayers. He is closer to us than our own selves! Part of why our religion is so beautiful is because we are able to have such a close relationship with Allah and to talk to Him directly. Most importantly, He wants us to do so and He keeps His door open anytime, anywhere, any place. We just need to believe it and take advantage of this blessing!

No one knows what will happen in the future. Some people do not get married, do not have children, do not get a certain job, do not get a certain amount of money, do not get cured from a certain disease, etc. The future is unknown. Part of having faith and healthy mental health is to believe that whatever comes your way is meant for you in the best way possible.

It seems like you are certainly on the right track emotionally and have an overall good outlook on things. This is a blessing! Please keep yourself focused and hopeful. Take care of yourself physically, emotionally, and mentally. Immerse yourself around helping others. Be around emotionally healthy people and befriend them. Strive to be the best at your job, studies, volunteer activities, or whatever you may be a part of. Take the time to be mindful of yourself and your surroundings and appreciate who you are and what you have become. What you have become and the realizations that you have discovered about yourself and your life is a blessing from Allah in of itself Alhamdulillah.

Keep making du’aa’, keep yourself focused, and also take care of your emotional and physical health. To approach the issue of marriage in a more direct manner, I believe in using all reasonable options available. If you have friends who you know that can help with introducing potential spouses, let them know that you are interested. I know that some mosques have matrimonial gatherings. If you look into them, some of those programs may work for you.

There is also a website that may be helpful: www.salaamhearts.org. I do not usually recommend using websites to look for a spouse, but sometimes it can be helpful if they are used wisely and carefully. What makes this website different is that a Muslim psychologist oversees it. All participants are also asked a series of questions about themselves, their emotional wellbeing, and what they are looking for in a spouse. The psychologist also offers pre-marital education to those who are interested.

- aboutislam.net

Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information that was provided in the question. In no event shall MyISLAM or AboutIslam, it’s volunteers, writers, scholars, counselors, or employees be held liable for any direct, indirect, exemplary, punitive, consequential or other damages whatsoever that may arise through your decision or action in the use of the services which our website provides. 

About Aliah F. Azmeh

Aliah F. Azmeh is a licensed clinical social worker who practices in Detroit, Michigan. Aliah graduated with a Master's degree in Social Work from the University of Michigan in 2007 and has experience working in the United States and overseas. Aliah currently works as a clinical social worker and provides individual, family, and marital counseling at Muslim Family Services in Detroit, MI.

LIQUID GOLD - THE BENEFITS OF HONEY

 

The benefits of honey don’t just stop at the satisfaction of our taste buds.  The powerful healing attributes of honey have long been used to promote health and healing.  Both the holy Quran and Hadiths (Prophetic traditions) refer to honey as a healer of disease.  In the Quran we read, “And thy Lord taught the bee to build its cells in hills, on trees and in people’s habitations… there issues from within their bodies a drink of varying colors, wherein is healing for humankind.  Verily in this is a Sign for those who give thought.” 

Additionally, in Sahih Bukhari we read that the Prophet, may the mercy and blessings of God be upon him, said: “Honey is a remedy for every illness and the Quran is a remedy for all illness of the mind, therefore I recommend to you both remedies, the Quran and honey.”

Honey offers incredible antiseptic, antioxidant and immune boosting properties for our body and health.  It not only fights infection and helps tissue healing but also helps reduce inflammation and is often used for treating digestive problems such as indigestion, stomach ulcers and gastroenteritis.

Researchers from around the world are discovering new and exciting medical benefits of honey and other healing items produced in the hive such as propolis, royal jelly and bee pollen.

As in all foods, the health benefits of honey largely depend on its quality.  Raw honey, the purest form, comes straight from the comb and is placed into the honey extractor or press.  This is unheated, unpasteurized and unprocessed honey.  Because it is raw, it tends to have fine textured crystals in it that occur naturally when glucose, one of three main sugars in honey, spontaneously precipitates out of the super saturated honey solution.  If your raw honey crystallizes, simply place the container in hot water for 15 minutes and this will help return it to its liquid state.

Most honey found on supermarket shelves today is not raw honey, but rather commercial honey which has been heated and filtered so that it has a smoother, more appealing look to it.  When honey is heated and processed in such a way it will maintain a long shelf life but the vitamins and minerals which benefit the body’s immune system are largely destroyed in the process.  As such, it is not as nutritious as raw honey. 

Honey varieties differ widely in color, texture and flavor.  Comb honey, taken straight from the hive, is the rawest and purest form of honey.  Its characteristic hexagon-shaped wax cells that are filled with honey can be chewed like gum.

Liquid honey is the most recognizable and easiest to find.  It is pressed from the comb and filtered to remove any particles such as pollen grains, wax or crystals.

Creamed honey, also known as whipped honey, granulated honey or honey fondant, has a smooth and creamy consistency.  Cream honey does not drip as does liquid honey, and can be spread easily.

The color of honey, largely determined by the floral source of the nectar from which the bees have collected it, is graded into light, amber and dark categories, with darker varieties being more medicinally potent.  In general, lighter honey varieties, such as wild flower honey that has been collected from the nectar of several flowers, have a milder flavor.  The darker varieties, such as buckwheat honey, collected from the nectar of the flower of the buckwheat grain, have a more robust and stronger flavor.  Approximately 23 common varieties of honey include buckwheat, clover, linden, sage, tupelo and wildflowers. 

In addition to carbohydrates, honey contains protein (including enzymes) and amino acids, and is high in vitamins and minerals.  Some of the vitamins present in honey are B6, thiamin, niacin, riboflavin, pantothenic acid and certain amino acids.  The minerals include calcium, copper, iron, magnesium, manganese, phosphorus, potassium, sodium and zinc.  While the amino acid content is minor, the broad spectrum of approximately 18 essential and nonessential amino acids present in honey is unique and varies by floral source.  Also present are polyphenols, that can act as antioxidants and play a role in cleansing the body of free radicals and reactive compounds that can contribute to serious illness such as cancer and heart disease.  It is believed that honey contains a similar range of antioxidants that are found in green vegetables and fruit including broccoli, spinach, apples, oranges and strawberries.

To fight high cholesterol, look no farther than buckwheat honey.  In their 2004 study, Effect of honey consumption on plasma antioxidant status in human subjects, biochemist H.  Gross and his colleagues from the University of California, Davis, examined the blood results of 25 participants who were each given four tablespoons of buckwheat honey daily for 29 days in addition to their regular diets.  At given intervals, samples taken from them following honey consumption showed that there was a direct link between the subjects’ honey consumption and the level of polyphenolic antioxidants in their blood.  With its high levels of mineral, vitamin and high antioxidant content, a small amount of buckwheat honey added daily could help lower cholesterol by increasing blood levels of protective antioxidant compounds in the body.

People with diabetes often question whether they can take honey.  In his book, The Honey Revolution – Restoring the Health of Future Generations, Ron Fessenden MD says that a tablespoon of honey consists of nearly the same carbohydrate content as a cupful of quartered raw apple, and that a diabetic patient can be assured that consuming honey will produce a significantly lower blood sugar response than an equivalent amount of sugar or other glucose-rich starches.  The balance of sugars and the presence of multiple co-factors in honey serve to make this natural food quite different from table sugar, high-fructose corn syrup (HFCS) or other artificial sweeteners.

Dr.  Fessenden goes on to say that when consumed regularly over several weeks or months, honey will lower blood sugar and glycated hemogobin levels.  He says that generally adding three-to-five tablespoons of honey a day to the diet and eliminating most sugar and HFCS should be recommended to people with Type 2 Diabetes.

For centuries, pure honey has been used in children as a home remedy to help alleviate some of the symptoms associated with the common cold.  In the December 2006 study on cough suppressants, Effect of Honey and Dextromethorphan on Nocturnal Cough and Sleep from Penn State College of Medicine researchers compared honey to over-the-counter medicines for symptomatic relief of upper respiratory infection, such as cough, in children 2-to-18-years of age.  The conclusion was that honey provided a safe alternative for children.  Honey outperformed cough medicine in offering a better night’s sleep and reducing severity of cough.  Across the board, parents in the study rated honey as significantly better than cough medications or no treatment for symptomatic relief of their children’s nighttime cough and sleep difficulties.

The American Academy of Pediatrics and other children’s health professionals have raised concerns about common over-the-counter remedies, the safety of these cough suppressant products and whether the benefits justify any potential risks from the use of these products in children, especially in children under 2 years of age.  Ian Paul MD, M.Sc., a pediatrician, researcher and associate professor of pediatrics at Penn State College of Medicine and Penn State Children’s Hospital said, “Additional studies should certainly be considered, but we hope that medical professionals will consider the positive potential of honey as a treatment...” However, do not feed honey-containing products or use honey for infants under one year of age.

In caring for a wound, the American Journal of Dermatology, in Honey in the Treatment of Wounds and Burns says honey applied topically to a wound can promote healing just as well, or in many cases better than conventional ointments and dressings.  Its anti-inflammatory properties reduce swelling and pain while its antibacterial properties prevent infection.

To keep your energy levels up use honey as an excellent source of easily assimilated energy; honey is one of the most effective forms of carbohydrates to ingest just prior to exercise and to replenish your energy levels.  The glucose contained in honey is absorbed by the body quickly, giving an immediate energy boost, while the fructose content is absorbed more slowly, providing sustained energy.  Honey has also been found to keep levels of blood sugar fairly constant compared to other types of sugar, and it appears to be a carbohydrate source that is relatively mild in its effects upon blood sugar compared to other carbohydrate sources.

Honey has been used for thousands of years to help calm a child’s cough, aid in cholesterol relief and digestion and to promote healing of wounds.  Honey, in its purest form truly is a head-to-toe cure that will surely be used more and more in the years to come. - islamreligion.com

Focus on Allah, Not Your Plans

In this insightful video, Sheikh Omar Suleiman emphasises the importance of turning our focus from the rapid outcomes of our efforts to the ultimate reward decreed by Allah (SWT), and to prioritise sincerity in intentions and the pursuit of divine rewards irrespective of when our success manifest. Watch for more.

- aboutislam.net

How to Deal with Oppressive Parents?

 

It is very sad to read that you are going through such a tough time with your parents. Parents are supposed to be a source of comfort to their children, but unfortunately you are experiencing an example of when that is not the case and in fact they are instead causing you a great deal of distress.

Oppressive Parents

Of course, as you know and mention we must respect our parents and they have rights over you. However, as their child you also have rights too and these should not be denied also. Yes, parents need to instill discipline in their child in order to direct them on the correct path, but this should never come in the form of abuse.

Abuse towards a child, adult or younger, is never justified. So, you do not need to be left thinking that since they are your parents and you must respect them that they have the right to treat you this way, because they don’t! Abusing you like this is sinful.

Regarding the punishment, that is something that is with Allah so I cannot comment except to condone their behaviour as unIslamic and pray for Allah to guide them and to keep you strong on His path.

Alhamdulilah, that despite the fact it seems that their Islam is corrupted somewhat in that they are not really practicing and watching haram programs on TV you are clinging on to your Deen. This is something you should continue to do to find your way through this.

Seek for support

Stay steadfast in your prayer and acts of worship and spend time with good practicing sisters who will help to encourage you and keep you strong in your Deen, especially since this support is not available at home.

This will be something that will give you a bit of positivity and strength in your life when times are hard. It will give you people to turn to to get support when you need it. And, of course, continue to take this matter to Allah. Ask Him to guide them.

Continue to do so in the presence of your parents also so that they may be inspired to join you and pray with you, or read Qur’an with you.

Perhaps you might even find the opportunity to invite sisters to your place that could also act almost as role models in good behavior and treating you well in front of your parents. Or, if they have relatives that have a respectable place in the community who may even speak to your parents themselves regarding their unacceptable behavior if you would be comfortable with that.

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Check out this counseling video

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If it is that you live with your parents you might consider going to stay somewhere else to free yourself from the abuse, perhaps if you have a friend or family member who might be able to accommodate you, even if just for a short time to give you some kind of respite.

The right to choose your spouse

Regarding finding a spouse, of course, you have a right to pick who you want to marry. In an ideal situation, your parents would assist you in the process in finding you a good match, but it seems that this may be a case where this would be more tricky.

The most important quality in a spouse is their piety so you are searching in the right lines and following the way of Islam. Other positive qualities are desirable, but with a pious spouse, the rest will come.

Conclusion

If you have a spouse that fears Allah and is practising then you can be sure that you will be treated well and given all your due rights as determined in Islam.

May Allah soften the hearts of your parents and guide them in the straight path. May He make things easier for you and grant you a righteous spouse who will be the coolness of your eyes in this life and the next.

***

Disclaimer: The conceptualization and recommendations stated in this response are very general and purely based on the limited information provided in the question. In no event shall MyISLAM or AboutIslam, its counselors or employees be held liable for any damages that may arise from your decision in the use of our services.

About Hannah Morris

Hannah Morris is a mum of 4 and she currently works as Counsellor and Instructor of BSc. Psychology at the Islamic Online University (IOU). She obtained her MA degree in Psychology and has over 10 years of experience working in health and social care settings in the UK, USA, and Ireland. Check out her personal Facebook page, ActiveMindCare, that promotes psychological well-being in the Ummah. (www.facebook.com/activemindcare)

- aboutislam.net

What to Do If Someone Doesn’t Forgive You in Islam

 

If you have wronged anyone, you ought to compensate him or ask him to forgive you.

If you did your best to do these two things, and yet the person is not willing to forgive you, then you should leave the matter to Allah Almighty. Allah orders us to forgive others if we want Allah to forgive us. This is the lesson we are taught in Surah An-Nur.

When the Prophet’s beloved wife `Aishah (may Allah be pleased with her) was slandered by the hypocrites, Mistah, a Companion who was a good Muslim and a relative of Abu Bakr As-Siddiq (may Allah be pleased with him), also participated in spreading the rumor. Mistah was one of those who received financial assistance from Abu Bakr. And, therefore, after learning about his role in the scandal, he vowed to cut off the help to Mistah.

However, Allah Almighty revealed: “Hence, [even if they have been wronged by slander,] let not those of you who have been graced with God’s favour and ease of life ever become remiss in helping the erring ones among] their near of kin, and the needy, and those who have forsaken the domain of evil for the sake of God, but let them pardon and forbear. [For,] do you not desire that God should forgive you your sins, seeing that God is much-forgiving, a dispenser of grace?” (An-Nur 24:22)

In conclusion, you should do your best to compensate the brother and resolve never to repeat the same mistake. If you do so, you can expect the forgiveness of Allah. Allah does not place on anyone a burden he or she cannot bear.

Allah Almighty knows best.

About Sheikh Ahmad Kutty

Sheikh Ahmad Kutty is a Senior Lecturer and an Islamic Scholar at the Islamic Institute of Toronto, Ontario, Canada

- aboutislam.net

JESUS, MUHAMMAD AND THEIR RABB

 

For the past two years, the celebrations of the birth of the last two Messengers of God on Earth seem to have come around the same time.

Christians traditionally celebrate the birth of Jesus (peace be upon him) on the 25th of December.  Some Muslims celebrate the birth of the Prophet Muhammad, may the mercy and blessings of God be upon him, on the 12th of Rabiul Awwal of the Islamic calendar.

However, one of the most important things to remember is that the celebration of the birth of our beloved Prophets is not by holding festivities or by congratulating one another.  Neither should the celebration of their birth be during one day of one month.  Rather, the celebration of the birth of Jesus and Muhammad (peace be upon them) should be done at every month and every day, through following them in their orders and prohibitions.  The message that both of them brought is what made them special, as God had ordained them as Messengers who delivered a message.

It is also important to look at the times when their messages were delivered and how that can help us relate their message to our current times.

Jesus (peace be upon him) was sent to a group of believers who had lost their way.  Corruption was rife and religion was a tool used to control the people and make profits.  The Rabbis of that time practically controlled society with an iron fist.  Religion was used to keep themselves above the law while ensuring that everyone else had to turn to them for guidance.

In such a corrupt and bankrupt world, God sent Jesus as a Prophet with miracle after miracle.  From his birth to his ascension to heaven, Jesus performed many miracles by the permission of God.  However, it is not the miracles but what they signify that was important—the miracles pointed towards God.  Multiple passages in the Quran narrate Jesus telling his people to "worship God, who is your Rabb and my Rabb." This concept of Rabb[1]  is what set apart the messages of the Prophets from all other religions and ideologies.

Similarly, the Prophet Muhammad was sent to a morally bankrupt society.  Corruption was rife.  Women were considered subhuman and the poor and the needy were taken advantage of.  People worshiped idols, and the owners of the idols and the temples made money of the people’s faithfulness to their false gods.  It was at this time that while the world was burning, God sent the Prophet Muhammad to be the peacemaker, to be the Messenger, to be a mercy to the universe.  His central message also revolved around taking Allah (God) as a "Rabb" and forsaking all other deities.

What is it though about taking God as a "Rabb"? What does it entail that made their messages so unique and great that even today thousands of years later, their message is the one that we are still drawn towards?

Among the many names of Allah (God) in the Quran, "Rabb" is among the most common that is mentioned.  It is mentioned at the start of most supplications of the Quran as well.  Rabb is a very comprehensive word that covers a lot of meanings and a lot of the actions of God.

Imam as-Sa’dee beautifully explains:

"Ar-Rabb is the One who nurtures and sustains all of His slaves, by regulating the affairs and granting all types of favors and blessings.  More specifically, He is the One who nurtures and sustains his sincere friends by correcting and purifying their hearts, souls and manners."

Imam Ibn Kathir adds: "Ar-Rabb is the owner who has full authority over his property."

The combination gives us one of the crucial aspects of our relationship with God—that we are tied to Him through a bond of being His abd (slave).  As our Rabb, He is the One who owns us and who provides us with all that we have, all that we own, all that we desire and keeps blessing throughout our life.  As part of the contract is that we are His slaves who try our best to obey Him and worship Him alone.

While initially this might sound a bit constrictive, this is actually a notion that suddenly frees us from all our other burdens.  Now, it does not matter what people expect of us, as long we are doing that which pleases our Lord.  We know that if there are needs that we have, we can ask our Lord for help.  He will provide in a way that He decides best.  Whenever we make a decision, work towards something and things do not work out our way, we still find solace in the fact that our Rabb who has given us so much surely has a better plan for us.

At a societal level as well, it brings changes.  How can I hurt someone else, when I know that this will displease our Rabb? And when as a human we make that mistake, remembering our Rabb will humble us and make us apologize.  We will think twice before sinning, and try our best not to sin.  Whenever we do sin, we will rush to seek His forgiveness.  Awareness of God as our Rabb cannot let one commit criminal activities either.  If we all endeared ourselves to God, wishing to be His slaves and trying our best to follow his commands, we would have a vastly different society.

In a world that is increasingly becoming godless and insecure, it is this message of taking God as our Rabb that we need to turn back to.  It is the same message that we should relay to our fellow human beings, both the oppressor and the oppressed.  To the oppressed, it will be a great source of relief and ease knowing that their Rabb sees all, hears all and has plans for them.  To the oppressor, it is a message that God willing will show them some sense and make them change their ways.  If not, then perhaps the fear of a Lord who doesn’t forget might help change their ideals.

The message of taking God as our Rabb completely in our lives might initially seem a bit overwhelming but can be done in a step by step process.  It is a message that we as Muslims need to remind ourselves every day as well, as it is easy to forget in the rush of day to day life. 

Each day is a day full of decisions.  At each decision we take in our lives, we should ask ourselves, "What would God want me to do?"

That is one question that can help take us far.  That is one question that can help change our societies.  That is one question that can help us truly celebrate the legacies of our beloved Prophets, Jesus and Muhammad (peace and blessings be upon them). - islamreligion.com

FOOTNOTES:

[1]Often translated as Lord, Cherisher, or Sustainer. 

Pray This Prayer 10 Minutes Before Fajr

Do you want to boost your iman? Do you want to reconnect with Allah? In this video, Ustadh Saad Taslem has this advice on waking up to pray Qiyamul-Layl 10 minutes before Fajr. Click on this video to learn more about it!

- aboutislam.net