I truly empathize with the heavy burden you carry—caring for your elderly mother who depends entirely on you, supporting your special-needs son, and feeling the responsibility toward your husband who is far away. This is not an easy situation, and the very fact that you are worried about balancing these duties shows the sincerity of your faith. May Allah grant you strength, wisdom, and comfort.
Balancing Between Husband and Mother in Islam
In Islam, both your mother and your husband have sacred rights. Your husband has the right to companionship, care, and kindness, especially when he feels lonely or unwell.
At the same time, caring for parents—especially in old age—is one of the greatest acts of worship. Allah says: {Be grateful to Me and to your parents; to Me is the final return.} (Luqman 31:14)
Serving your mother in her weakness is a form of devotion that draws you near to Allah.
Practical Steps to Navigate Family Duties
Communicate gently with your husband: explain that you are not neglecting him out of disregard, but because your mother has no one else. Stay emotionally close through calls and visits when possible.
Explore middle paths: perhaps arrange occasional trusted help for your mother so you can spend time with your husband, or discuss ways he might visit more often.
Set your intention: if you serve your mother, do so for Allah’s sake; if you visit your husband, do so to honor his rights. Both are worship when rooted in sincerity.
Is It a Sin to Stay With Your Mother Instead of Husband?
No, you are not committing a grave sin. You are faced with overlapping obligations, and Allah does not burden a soul beyond its capacity (Al-Baqarah 2:286). Since you are sincerely striving to balance these duties, Allah will reward your effort and intention.
Here is aDu`a’ for Strength in Balancing Duties
Allahumma a`inni `ala dhikrika wa shukrika wa husni `ibadatik, wa waffiqni li-birr walidayya wa husni mu`asharati zawji. “O Allah, help me to remember You, to be grateful to You, and to worship You in the best way. Grant me success in serving my parents with kindness and in treating my husband with goodness.”
She is under no obligation to seek the permission of her husband before spending it, nor must she inform him of what she does with her money.
This applies regardless of how a woman obtains the money (e.g. as a gift, as earnings from a job, etc.), as long as it was gotten in a halal manner (e.g. not stolen, not earned from a job that involves haram actions, etc.).
Allah says in the Qur’an:
Do not envy the way that Allah has made some of you excel over others: men should have a portion of whatever they have earned, while women should have a portion of whatever they have earned. Ask Allah for some of Allah’s bounty; Allah is Aware of everything. (4:32)
Here Allah mentions that both women and men are entitled to what they earn, while acknowledging that some people earn more than others (and that we should ask Allah to provide for us from Allah’s vast Bounty).
Allah also says in the Qur’an:
And give the women their dowry. But if they, of their own free will, return any part of it to you, take it and enjoy it with gratefulness. (4:4)
This indicates that a husband may not take any of his wife’s dowry without her permission, and that she is free to use her money however she wishes.
Responsibilities Involving Money
Since women have the right to control all of their own finances, they are also responsible for managing it according to Islamic principles.
If a woman possesses above a certain amount of money, or owns goods that have a monetary value above a certain amount, she is required to pay zakat on her wealth once a year.
She is also required to avoid getting involved with riba, or usury (e.g. paying or accepting interest on purchased items).
Although giving voluntary charity is not required, it is a highly recommended act of worship that will be rewarded by Allah.
Husbands Spending on their Wives
One of the rights wives have over their husbands is that they are entitled to economic maintenance, meaning that the husband must give, at a minimum, basic provisions (such as adequate food, clothing, shelter, and medicine) to his wife.
One of the titles men are given in the Qur’an is qawwamah, which means “one who protects and maintains.”
They are given this title because men are expected to spend from their own wealth on the women in their lives (Qur’an 4:34).
An allowance given to a wife from a husband to spend on whatever she wishes is not technically required, unless the money is meant for necessities like food, clothing, childcare, and the like.
However, spending on one’s wife for non-necessities or giving her money as a gift is a very praiseworthy act, since it demonstrates generosity, kindness, and love.
Kindness & Mercy Should Prevail In Marriage
Prophet Muhammad, peace and blessings be upon him, is reported to have said,
If a Muslim spends on his wife, and hopes for reward from Allah, it will be counted as charity on his part. (narrated by al-Bukhari and Muslim)
Furthermore, Allah has “placed affection and mercy” between spouses (Qur’an 30:21), and one way to show affection and mercy is to spend money on each other.
In summary, women are entitled to keep their own money and use it however they wish.
Men must spend part of their own wealth on providing for their wives’ and children’s daily living.
Both women and men are encouraged to spend money on and give gifts to their spouses as demonstrations of their love, which will be recorded by Allah as acts of charity.
The word and even practice of “intimacy” is often mistaken for being purely sexual. Intimacy simply means “closeness” and is something we all crave. Here are several different ways you can practice intimacy with your partner, giving each other more love and comfort.
They (your wives) are your garment and you are a garment for them.” (Al-Baqarah 2:187)
1) Emotional Intimacy: Sharing Feelings and Being Vulnerable
Achieving emotional intimacy with your partner means that you are comfortable revealing a full range of your inner emotions to him or her, from joy to sorrow. Some ways to strengthen your emotional intimacy are:
• Trust your partner by sharing your inner concerns and fears. And of course, respect your spouse when they share these things with you.
• Be present with your spouse. Give them your full attention when they speak to you, and also be aware when their body language is speaking to you.
• Practice generosity. Every partner makes plenty of sacrifices. Be sure to make yours. Do the chores you’d rather not, eat the meals you aren’t wild about, go on the trips that aren’t your first choice, and behave graciously when you do.
• Be forgiving. Don’t assume negatively about your spouse’s actions, and easily forgive their errors instead of holding missteps against them. Focus on positivity to bring each other closer together.
2) Intellectual Intimacy: Sharing Thoughts and Ideas
Being intellectually intimate means that you can share your thoughts and ideas with your partner, even if you don’t agree on the same issues. Some ways to practice intellectual intimacy are:
• Share your goals (individual or as a couple) and encourage each other to achieve them.
• Tell each other about interesting articles or books you have read.
• Better still, read a book together and discuss it as you go along – no spoilers though!
• Plan a trip together, choosing activities you each would like to do.
• Be aware of each others fears or triggers and help each other navigate life through and around them.
• Think of “pillow talk” (after sexual intimacy) as a great time to practice emotional and intellectual intimacy.
And of His signs is that he created for you, of yourselves, spouses, that you might repose in them, and He has set between you love and mercy. Surely in that are signs for people who consider.” (Ar-Rum 30:21)
3) Experiental Intimacy: Sharing Experiences Together
Just as it sounds, experiential intimacy is all about the experiences you have together. Date night is essentially an example, but trying new things always encourages personal growth and bonds you as a couple. Consider:
• Trying a new hobby or sport together.
• Take a cooking or other course together.
• Doing recreational activities you both enjoy, such as hiking, going to the theater or museums.
• Doing the actual traveling part of that trip you discussed.
4) Physical Intimacy: Much More Than Just Sex
Truly, the whole point of this article is that many people mistake intimacy for sex, and as you see, there is so much more to intimacy than that. Physical intimacy is essentially touching without the expectation of copulation. Some ways to enjoy physical intimacy are:
• Exchange quick kisses throughout the day. Make this a regular practice.
• Likewise, give each other regular hugs and “pats” without any need to go further.
• Cuddle while reading, watching TV or while just chatting.
• Give each other massages without expectations of sex.
• Also, openly talk to each other about your feelings regarding being physical – why you do or don’t enjoy it.
5) Spiritual Intimacy: Sharing Your Spiritual Life with Each Other
Here’s a great form of intimacy for Muslims! Spiritual intimacy is all about being in awe of Allah’s magnificence together. This isn’t so much the daily acts of worship, but sharing the emotions and revelations that come from your spirituality. Simple ways to practice spiritual intimacy would be:
• Being in nature together.
• Sharing your gratefulness with each other, such as daily gratitude journaling or text exchanges.
• Admiring the sunset or sunrise together.
• Of course take classes and/or read Islamic texts together, but be sure to discuss them earnestly and without judgement. Respect each other’s different points of view and experiences.
Ultimately, practicing intimacy in depth with your spouse will lead to more and better intimacy, insha Allah. Always remember to be like a comforting garment for each other.
The reason however, definitely had no relation with the thorough consultations over the issue of succession.
Why Didn’t The Sahabah Attend His Funeral?
At the death of the prophet, the companions found themselves facing the question of where to bury the prophet’s body.
There were two opinions: either to bury him in his mosque or to bury him with his companions in the Baqi`.
Then they found the solution in a hadith narrated by Abu Bakr, in which the prophet (peace be upon him) said:
Every prophet who died, was buried in the exact spot where he died.
Actually, the prophet (peace be upon him) died in `Aisha’s room, so he was buried there. Obviously, the room was not big enough to hold all his companions.
Thus, only the needed number, among the members of his family, carried out the burial procedure.
Such details, along with others, were what the editor meant by logistic reasons for the delay, stated in many sources and discussed earlier in my previous answer.
As for the janazah prayer, there is no evidence whatsoever, stating that any of the companions, who were in Madinah at the time of the prophet’s death, did not attend it, for whatever reason.
If you have any source, which states the contrary, I would appreciate your sharing it with me.
Why Didn’t He Designate A Successor Before His Death?
As, for the second half of your question – believe it or not – the prophet’s not designating a successor, is among the signs that this deen (religion) is perfect!
As this choice is a political one, it was left to the ummah to decide through shura.
Please do not forget that one of the major characteristics of Islam is its validity for every time and place.
If the prophet had appointed a successor, this would have limited succession to only one method, which is designation.
But, it would have also created another problem: how to determine who is better for the office?
He Left The Options Open For Later Generations
By not appointing a successor, he left the ummah with more than one option of how to select a caliph:
1) By letting the whole ummah choose the caliph – like what the prophet did.
2) By designating a successor – like what Abu Bakr did.
3) By appointing a council to choose a successor – like what `Umar did.
From these different choices, it is possible for the ummah to develop its political leadership selection system, in a way that would be suitable for the different social and political contexts.
Simultaneously, it would not contradict Shariah.
Imam Ali, at the last moments of his life, was asked by his followers to designate a successor.
He replied:
If I designate a successor, there was a man who was better than me, who did actually designate a successor – Abu Bakr. And, if I do not designate a successor, there was a man who was better than me, who did not designate a successor – the prophet (peace be upon him).
He wrote At-Tasrif, a medical encyclopedia covering various aspects of medicine, including obstetrics, maternal and child health, and surgery
The 10th century saw the zenith of the Umayyad golden age in Andalusia. Under the leadership of ‘Abd ar-Rahman An-Nasir (r. 912-961) and his son Al-Hakam II, this dynasty established sovereignty over the majority of the Iberian Peninsula.
The capital Cordoba developed into Europe’s greatest metropolis, a thriving city of half a million, where educational and religious institutions as well as trade and industry flourished in an atmosphere of intellectual ferment.
In 936, An-Nasir began construction of a new capital, Az-Zahra, on the slopes of Al-Arus, a mountain six miles northwest of Cordoba.
Intended mainly as a political and military center, the new city became a monument to 10th century Muslim architecture. Its magnificent palaces, residential quarters, and splendid gardens have led some historians to dub it the “Versailles of the Umayyads.”
Umayyads & Science
At the same time, the Andalusian Umayyads provided generous patronage to the arts and sciences, including life sciences. As a result, a large number of eminent physicians were drawn to the capital and added to the advance of Islamic medicine and pharmacy with their writings and research.
It was in this royal city amidst this atmosphere of intellectual achievement that Abu al-Qasim Khalaf bin Abbas Az-Zahrawi, known to the West by his Latin name Albucasis, was born about 938. He was simply the greatest Muslim surgeon, with European surgeons of his time coming to regard him as a greater authority than even Galen, the ancient world’s acknowledged master.
Medieval European surgical texts quoted Az-Zahrawi more often than Galen. However, because Az-Zahra, the city of his birth, was destroyed in 1011, little is known with certainty about his early life.
Al Humaydi’s Jadhwat al-Muqtabis (On Andalusian Savants) contains the first existing (albeit, sketchy) biography of this great Islamic physician, listing only his ancestry, place of residence, and approximate date of death.
Written Work
What is known about Az-Zahrawi is contained in his only written work: At-Tasrif liman ‘Azija ‘an at-Ta’lif (The Method of Medicine). At-Tasrif is a voluminous compendium of 30 treatises compiled from medical data that Az-Zahrawi accumulated in a medical career that spanned five decades of teaching and medical practice.
In At-Tasrif, Az-Zahrawi produced a medical encyclopedia covering a number of aspects of medicine with particular emphasis on obstetrics, maternal and child health, and the anatomy and physiology of the human body.
At-Tasrif elaborates on the causes, symptoms and treatment of disease, and discusses the preparation of pharmaceuticals and therapeutics, covering emetic and cardiac drugs, laxatives, geriatrics, cosmetology, dietetics, materia medica, weight and measures, and drug substitution.
Az-Zahrawi’s discussion of mother and child health and the profession of midwifery is of particular interest in the history of nursing. His text implies that there was a flourishing profession of trained midwifes and nurses in existence during 10th century Andalusia. He and other skilled physicians and obstetricians instructed and trained midwives to carry on their duties with knowledge and confidence.
The last and largest volume of At-Tasrif, “On Surgery,” was nothing less than the greatest achievement of medieval surgery. It was the first independent surgical treatise ever.
The Muslim Surgeon
The work covers a wide range of surgical issues including cautery, the treatment of wounds, the extraction of arrows, and the setting of bones in simple and compound fractures. Az-Zahrawi also promoted the use of antiseptics in wounds and skin injuries; devised sutures from animal intestines, silk, wool and other substances; and developed techniques to widen urinary passages and surgically explore body cavities.
Az-Zahrawi is the first to detail the classic operation for cancer of the breast, lithotrities for bladder stones, and techniques for removing thyroid cysts. He describes and illustrates obstetrical forceps, but only recommends their use with deceased fetuses, and provides the first known description of the obstetric posture now known as “Walcher’s position.”
At-Tasrif is also the first work in diagramming surgical instruments, detailing over two hundred of them, many of which Az-Zahrawi devised himself. Many of these instruments, with modifications, are still in use today.
With the reawakening of European interest in medical science, At-Tasrif quickly became a standard reference which they translated into Latin five times. The arrangement of the work, it’s clear diction, and its lucid explanations all contributed to its popularity and great success.
Az-Zahrawi’s influence on the course of European surgical development was deep and long lasting. Guy de Chauliac, the acknowledged “Restorer of European Surgery,” cites Az-Zahrawi more than 200 times. - aboutislam.net
On the importance of sleep and its role in ensuring sound health, as part of His creation agenda, Allah, the Almighty, informs us in the Qur’an:
“And We made your sleep [a means for] rest. And We made the night as clothing. And We made the day for livelihood” (Surat An-Naba’ 78:9-10-11).
When we have been awake for a long period of time, sleep/wake homeostasis tells us that a need for sleep is accumulating and that it is time to sleep.
It also helps us maintain enough sleep throughout the night to make up for the hours of being awake.
In the video above from TedEd in 2015, Dr. Shai Marcu defends early sleeping, showing how sleep restructures your brain in a way that’s crucial for how our memory works. - aboutislam.net
What do we do when things get hard? When the future seems hopeless and bleak?
There are some people around us who are incredible at the face of hardship. They not only avoid doing anything drastic; they stand firm, rock-solid, so that others crawl up to them and hold on to them for support.
What makes them different?
Wisdom in the Face of Hardship
In the previous article we discussed what hikmah (wisdom) means and how to gain it. The main source a Muslim can utilize to increase his level of wisdom is the Quran. Allah says:
He gives wisdom to whom He wills, and whoever has been given wisdom has certainly been given much good. And none will remember except those of understanding. (Quran 2:269)
Wisdom is a gift from Allah, and you already have that gift within your reach – the Quran.
Ibn Abbas defines hikmah simply as knowledge of the Quran. (Ibn Kathir)
The Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) made a special dua for relief from sadness and anxiety, at the end of which he said:
… You make the Quran the life of my heart and the light of my breast, and a departure for my sorrow and a release for my anxiety. (Hisnulmuslim)
The Quran has the ability to turn your winter of hardship into a spring of bliss. If you can hold on to it, you will find contentment in your heart despite failing in exam, or despite going through a painful divorce. You will find the patience and courage to deal with hardship.
That contentment will help you overcome your difficulties and come out of hardship. Also, implementing the Quran in your life will bring Allah’s help and fill your life with barakah.
The First Aspect of Wisdom
The Quran tells you what you need to do when things become hard.
When a calamity strikes, the Quran reminds you to say:
Who, when disaster strikes them, say, ‘Indeed we belong to Allah, and indeed to Him we will return.’ (2:156)
1- Inna lillah: “Indeed, we belong to Allah.” We are Allah’s slaves. Forget the thing we lost, we ourselves belong to Him.
2- Wa inna ilayhi raji’un: “And we will return to Him.” This hardship isn’t the end of life. This worldly life is just the beginning.
The Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) added a dua to be said after this statement:
If any servant (of Allah) who suffers a calamity says: ‘We belong to Allah and to Him shall we return; O Allah, reward me for my affliction and give me something better than it in exchange for it,’ Allah will give him reward for affliction, and would give him something better than it in exchange. (Muslim 918 b)
In the dua, we are adding two more points:
Ask for His help.
Hope for the best.
After the Companion Abu Salamah died, his wife made this dua. Do you know what the outcome was? She was later married by the Prophet and became one of our Mothers. Her name is Umm Salamah.
These four reminders will keep our minds sane during a calamity.
The Second Aspect of Wisdom
Once we have our intellect safe from the influence of our emotions clouding over it, now we are ready to take some action to deal with the problems.
For this we need the second aspect of wisdom – the wisdom to rummage through the different courses of action and choose the correct one. Here, the Quran and sunnah will come to your aid.
If one’s wife suddenly starts having hallucinations, what does he do? Does he take her to a psychiatrist, do ruqyah on her, or get a shaykh give her a magic amulet?
Despite being Muslims living in techy times, a surprising number of people would choose the latter option. This is nothing but ignorance, a lack of wisdom.
The general guidelines of the Quran and Sunnah tell us exactly what to do in such a circumstance:
Seek help with the Quran.
Seek help from an expert.
Avoid shirk at all costs, and that includes going to a shaykh for a magic amulet.
These two aspects of wisdom, put together, form the perfect recipe to deal with hardships: the best attitude combined with the best course of action.
