MyISLAM

Saturday, 22 January 2022

Studies Show Fajr Prayer is Healthy

“And He it is Who made the night a covering for you, and the sleep a rest, and He made the day to rise up again” (Qur’an 25:47).

Certainly sleep is one of the blessings from Allah. At the end of a busy day a person looks forward to sleeping and regaining enough energy for the next day. Sleep is also important for good health and safety reasons. However, studies vary as to how much sleep is enough. Some studies claim 8-10 hours is a requirement for everyone.

However, Prophet Mohammad (saws) used to sleep very few hours in the night and used part of the night for prayer. Studies have confirmed that this may actually be healthier for some people.

Sleep is important for health and safety reasons. Lack of sleep can lead to mental illness, relationship problems, absence from work and even traffic accidents.

Researchers have found that people with chronic insomnia are more likely than others to develop several kinds of psychiatric problems, and are also likely to make greater use of healthcare services (Yang).

Lost productivity due to sleepiness has been estimated to cost the national economy as much as $100 billion annually and the National Highway Traffic Safety Administration has estimated more than 100,000 auto crashes annually may be fatigue related (Yang).

Because of this, some studies claim that 8-10 hours should be required for everyone. However, studies have confirmed what Prophet Muhammad did may be healthy for some people.

“…the Prophet slept for a part of the night, (See Fateh-al-Bari page 249, Vol. 1), and late in the night, he got up and performed ablution from a hanging water skin, a light (perfect) ablution and stood up for the prayer (Bukhari).”

Sleep & Health

A six-year study of more than a million Americans shows that a good night’s sleep lasts seven hours. It also showed that people who sleep for eight hours or more tend to die a bit sooner. Study leader Daniel F. Kripke, MD, says,”You really don’t have to sleep for eight hours and you don’t have to worry about it. It is evidently very safe to sleep only seven, six, or even five hours a night (DeNoon).”

Modern studies show that this may actually be the best advice for many people. In fact, many studies are showing that less sleep or even lack of sleep can be healthier in some cases.

Kripke and co-workers analyzed data from an American Cancer Society study conducted between 1982 and 1988. The study gathered information on people’s sleep habits and health, and then followed them for six years. Study participants ranged in age from 30 to 102 years, with an average starting age of 57 years for women and 58 years for men. In the study the death risk for people with too much sleep was 34% as compared to only 12% for those who slept 8 hours and only 22% for those who had too little sleep.

These findings are similar to those in the dietary realm that show that eating too much food is much more harmful than not eating enough (of course massive extremes such as starvation and not sleeping at all are not included in this discussion). Kripke even noted that, “For 10-hour sleepers, the increased risk of death was about the same as that for moderate obesity.”

Some studies have even experimented with sleep deprivation to cure depression. Up to 60% of depressed people will show a 30% improvement after just one night awake, according to a review article published in the January 1990 issue of the American Journal of Psychiatry.

People who feel the most depressed in the morning and improve later in the day seem to benefit the most from a night without sleep (Yang). However, keeping people up all night is not a long-term solution and researchers often found a relapse in people once they went back to “normal” sleeping hours.

Further research showed that one reason staying up all night worked was because sleep inhibits the thyroid stimulating hormone (TSH) that helps control our metabolism and, indirectly, our levels of energy. An estimated 25% to 35% of depressed patients have low TSH levels.

Healthier Habits

A research has shown that while sleep inhibits the release of TSH, staying awake through the night and the early morning hours boosts it. This scientific research is completely in accordance with the habit of the Prophet (saws), which was to sleep shortly after Eisha prayer (earlier than most people sleep nowadays), and wake in the very early morning hours (sometimes as early as midnight) again to pray.

Ibn ‘Abbas said, “The Prophet slept till he snored and then prayed (or probably lay till his breath sounds were heard and then got up and prayed).” Ibn ‘Abbas added: “I stayed overnight in the house of my aunt, Maimuna, the Prophet slept for a part of the night, (See Fateh-al-Bari page 249, Vol. 1), and late in the night, he got up and performed ablution from a hanging water skin, a light (perfect) ablution and stood up for the prayer. I, too, performed a similar ablution, then I went and stood on his left. He drew me to his right and prayed as much as Allah wished, and again lay and slept till his breath sounds were heard. “

This is similar to the therapy given to depressed patients in Europe who are told to sleep early for a week, awake at midnight and then ease back into a “normal” sleeping schedule by waking a bit later each morning, but no later than sunrise (Yang).

If you already feel you don’t have enough sleep you may wonder, though how less sleep can make you feel better. Oftentimes sleep problems are related to sleep quality rather than length of sleep. Things a person can do to improve their sleep quality is: eat at least two hours before bedtime, change to healthier dietary habits, check with a doctor about possible sleep apnea, snoring issues, or TMJ, sleep on your side, avoid alcohol and sedatives, lose weight and find a comfortable mattress.

So how do you know how much sleep you need? Many people instinctively feel what is right for them. If you feel great after 7 hours, but feel tired if you get five hours or nine hours then you know that seven is your “ideal sleep” time. However, sleep requirements may also vary with life events. During travel or personal trauma or illness sleep requirements may increase.

John McDougal, author of several dietary books, offers a further distinction between people who need more or less sleep. He says in his book The Quick McDougal Cookbook, that healthy people usually need only 5-7 hours of sleep a night.

This, in fact may be the reason many people think they need more sleep. Bad dietary habits can cause sleepiness. One such example is the heavy feeling one gets after eating a large meal or the drug-induced state that bread causes in some people. Dr. McDougal says that as long as a person is healthy they should need less than 8-hours of sleep.

Medical science seems to be saying that if you need more than 8 hours of sleep you need to work on some dietary issues and strive to need less sleep. Even the Prophet (saws) spoke against extremes in sleep deprivation and told men who stayed up all night for days on end praying, that they needed to moderate their habits and also get some sleep.

This article is from our archive, originally published on an earlier date, and is now highlighted for its importance

References:

webmd.com
Yang, Sarah. “Staying Up to Beat the Blues.”
DeNoon, Daniel. “Are you Sleeping Enough – Or Too Much?”
Durgan, Amy. “Tips to Sleep More Soundly.”

Friday, 21 January 2022

Why Can’t We Always Be Close to Allah?

“I perceive Your glimpses at times, but why not always?

Why do clouds keep coming to my mind’s sky and prevent me from finding You?”

Why can’t we always be close to Allah?

Try to recall that feeling to your mind. We experience it when we first get interested in learning and practicing Islam. But it doesn’t end there. Allah keeps sending life events our way that shake our hearts awake.

It might be a terrible accident, or an extremely painful loss. It might be finding your soul mate, or visiting the House of Allah for Hajj.

It’s not the momentary high you find once in a while during the Friday sermon that makes you cry with the congregation, and then forget all about it by the time you’re home and having lunch and criticizing your wife’s cooking.

How to Love Allah

I’m talking about the more permanent kind of feeling, the days on end of bliss. When you feel all day long that peace in your heart that seldom leaves you even in turbulent hours of the day when things go wrong.

When you feel like thanking Allah every so often. When watching a dog pick up some crumbs you threw away after lunch brings tears of gratitude to your eyes. And when you feel a slight ache in your heart that you’re semiconscious of all day.

It’s similar to what one feels when in love. Like you’d be flying up among the clouds if only you’d got wings. Like every little thing reminds you of the object of your love. Like how the awareness that he’s watching you brings a sweet smile to your lips.

It’s like falling in love. But it’s a thousand times better.

You just have to open any book of poetry. People throughout time, Muslim and non-Muslim, young and old, of every place and era, have attempted to put the feeling into words, and have succeeded to some extent. That’s what makes poetry so beautiful after all. The first two lines I quoted, for example, were by Rabindranath Tagore (translated by me).

Ibn al-Qayyim said:

Yearning for Allah and meeting Him is like a gentle breeze blowing upon the heart, blowing away the blazing desire for this world. (Hardness of Heart)

And this is Rumi’s way of expressing it:

That which God said to the rose, and caused it to laugh in full-blown beauty, He said to my heart, and made it a hundred times more beautiful. (Goodreads)

Why Do We Keep Losing it?

If we do love Allah, why don’t we feel this love in our hearts all the time? Why do we keep losing this incredible feeling?

How much do we really love Allah?

It’s because the world is full of distractions – and it is full of distraction for this very reason.

Indeed, We have made that which is on the earth adornment for it that We may test them [as to] which of them is best in deed. (Quran 18:7)

Allah says about the disbelievers on the Day of Judgment:

… Who took their religion as distraction and amusement and whom the worldly life deluded.’ So today We will forget them just as they forgot the meeting of this Day of theirs and for having rejected Our verses. (7:51)

We lose that incredible feeling when we get distracted by things – earning money, spending money, eating food, cooking food, selecting what to eat from a hundred different menus, games, relationships, clothes, shoes… all kinds of stuff.

And once we lose the feeling, we don’t remember what it felt like anymore, and don’t feel the urge to get it back either. We’d rather settle for less fulfilling pleasures. We’d rather opt for a temporary pacification of our desires than true, lasting peace of mind.

We’d rather stop being the moonlight and settle for being the pool of water that’s reflecting it, as Paulo Coelho says. “Tomorrow, the water will evaporate in the sun*”, as will our temporary pleasures.

The Key to Finding it

How do we establish prayer? By praying like the person who had the closest connection to Allah – Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him).What’s the key to remaining connected to Allah? Allah gave it to us already – salah. The five daily obligatory sessions are to establish and maintain our direct connection with Allah, not just in these sessions, but throughout the day.

Pray as you have seen me praying. (Bukhari 6008)

What was his prayer like? Of course, it is necessary to follow the rules of doing the ritual correctly, such as praying within the specified times, praying the correct number of units, saying the supplications in the correct order, etc.

But those are just like the bricks with which you build the prayer. The actual essence of the prayer lies, not in the physical movements, but in the heart of the worshiper.

The Prophet described the prayer as the “coolness of my eyes”. That exactly describes the feeling you get when you’re at an imaan-high. And that’s what we want to achieve.

Many great people much more learned and experienced than us have written on this topic, on how to find khushu’ and imaan in salah. I share the following advice with you in my humble effort to add to it a personal element.

How to Achieve Khushu

The first thing that helps is bringing a sense of timelessness in your salah, to feel as if the rest of your time on earth is dedicated to praying this prayer only, and that nothing else comes after it.

The Prophet put it this way:

When you stand to pray, pray like a man bidding farewell. (Ibn Majah 4171)

This can seem incredibly difficult to achieve given our hectic lifestyles. And it might take a lot of willpower and mental energy. But even if you achieve one moment of it at a time, it’s worth all that effort. And it gets better insha’Allah.

Finding this sense of timelessness is made easy if you know what you’re saying in salah. So learn the basic Arabic you need to do that. Concentrate on the meanings of what you’re saying, trying to make it personal.

For example, when you say “Allahu Akbar” (Allah is Greater), think of the topmost worry in your mind right now, such as an assignment or your spouse’s illness, and assert in your heart that Allah is greater than all that.

Make Personal Dua

Another way of making the prayer personal is by adding in personal supplications in the steps of prayer where supplications are recommended, such as during sujood (prostration).

The purpose of supplication is not to inform Allah of your thoughts and feelings, because Allah already knows all about those. It is to express to Allah our love for Him, our helplessness and neediness, our submission to Him.

The quotes given above show us some of the more successful human attempts at expressing our feelings for our Creator. If you want to give full expression to your feelings, there’s an easier and more effective way. Memorize duas from the Quran. These duas are actually Allah teaching us how to speak to Him in the best way.

I’ll leave you with an example of the best form of expression of our feelings for Allah:

Say, ‘O Allah, Owner of Sovereignty, You give sovereignty to whom You will and You take sovereignty away from whom You will. You honor whom You will and You humble whom You will. In Your hand is [all] good. Indeed, You are over all things competent. You cause the night to enter the day, and You cause the day to enter the night; and You bring the living out of the dead, and You bring the dead out of the living. And You give provision to whom You will without account.’ (Quran, 3:26-27)

(From Discovering Islam’s archive.)

_____________

* Manuscript Found in Accra

Thursday, 20 January 2022

Your Intention Counts: What Would You Like to Gain?

Two young men wanted to marry the daughter of a king. She was very intelligent, well educated, young and beautiful. The princess was the king’s only child, he loved her dearly and was concern about the intention of the two men.

One of them was the son of the king’s minister. He was noble, rich and powerful. The other one was a distant cousin of the princess. He had been educated to live a simple life of studies and work.

The king asked his daughter what he should do. Should he accept the minister’s son or the humble man? Or perhaps reject both of them. The princess told her father to summon both of them to the palace.

The following day they were all in the throne’s room, and the court was present. The princess stood up. She had a beautiful and exotic bird in a cage which sang beautifully. She asked the two men:

“What should I do with this bird? It is a gift from my father. Should I set it free or should I keep it?”

The humble man said: “My friend is right, it is a beautiful bird, but perhaps, princess, you should set it free. In that way, the bird would be able to freely sing to everyone no matter who or where they are. It would be free to fly and rest when it wants, as God has intended for birds”.

The son of the minister said: “It is a beautiful and very rare bird that your father has given you. You should honour this gift and share it with everyone in the kingdom. Perhaps put in a place that everyone can see it and listen to it”

In this way, the princess understood what the intention of each man was.

The Importance of Sincere Intention in Islam

In a very famous hadith, the Prophet, peace be upon him said:

Verily, deeds are only by intentions. Verily, every person will have only what they intended.
Bukhari

Many of the early and great scholars, such as Al-Shafi, Ahmad Ibn Hanbal and Al-Tirmidhi agreed that this saying of the Prophet, peace be upon him, encompasses a third of slam. That is because the right intention with sincerity is the foundation of everything else.

Sincerity –ikhlas- in recognising the unity of God and worshipping Him alone, it is the pillar of belief. And the fruit of ikhlas is Ihsan, the excellence of character and worship, which, in the famous Hadith of Jeebril, the Prophet told us that is a third of Islam.

Hence, having the right sincere intention before performing any deed is the key to success in this life and the next and we could say that amounts to one third of Islam.

Philosophy and Intention

Thomas Aquinas got the concept of intentionality from the work of Muslims philosophers, such as Al-Farabi or Avicenna. These Muslim philosophers translated and studied the works of the Greek philosophers and adapted this term to an Islamic worldview. As we have seen, intention and intentionality are essential to Islamic belief and practice. The importance given to intention and intentionality is not only an Islamic value. For Plato, Aristotle or Thomas Aquinas, intentionality becomes a central concept for the conception of the human being.

But what is intentionality? For the philosopher and psychologist Franz Brentano, it is the property which directs an act or a phenomenon to the attaining of an objective or goal in the external world. In other words, the thing that we want to achieve when we perform any deed.

A Sincere Intention Makes Matters Easy

I was debating with myself whether I should come out of the bus and try to make wudu and pray before the end of the time or wait until we arrived back at the hotel and pray there. I decided to give it a try.

I was travelling once in Morocco by bus. The bus stopped for everyone to take a rest. It was close to Maghrib time and I had not prayed Dhuhur and Asr. I wanted to pray, but I did not have wudu and I could not see anywhere I could pray. It was also really cold.

The moment I walked out and I was looking for a place to make wudu and pray, a man came to me. I looked like a lost tourist. He asked me what was I looking for. I said I wanted to make wudu and pray. The man seemed a bit perplexed at first, but then he smiled and told me to follow him.

I accompanied the man and he gave me hot water from a pot that was in the coals, a pair of slippers and a clean towel. Then he pointed me to a small musallah were I could pray. Not only was I able to pray, but also those travelling with me.

I had put the intention to pray, and God made it possible.

Why We Do What We Do

This is especially important when considering a life-changing decision. And there isn’t a decision that could change your life more than becoming Muslim. Sincerity and right intention are the building blocks of Islam. We always have to ask ourselves: why am I doing this? What do I expect to achieve? Because what we intend is what we will gain.

The Hadith that we have mentioned earlier continues:

Verily, deeds are only by intentions. Verily, every person will have only what they intended. Whoever emigrated to get something in the world or to marry a woman, then his emigration is for whatever he emigrated for.
Bukhari

The question then is do we want something of this world, which is ephemeral and perishes, or do we want the pleasure of God, which is eternal and everlasting?

(From Discovering Islam archive)

Wednesday, 19 January 2022

Don’t Let Your Past Haunt You – Seek His Forgiveness

People commit sin everyday, Allah says I will forgive them every single day and every single night for as long as they seek that forgiveness.

Seek His Forgiveness

So don’t lose hope in the mercy of Allah. One of the traps of the devil is he makes you become haunted by your past where people suffer OCD as a result; they’re depressed, they cannot eat, they cannot drink because of something they did when they were twenty years old.

Perhaps you may have lost your virginity. Many young girls actually message me saying I unfortunately committed this and did that and now I don’t know what to do.

Don’t become depressed, forgiveness is for you too. Allah will forgive you Subhan Allah! Allah will definitely open your doors.

His doors are definitely open. It does not mean you are doomed… all you need is to just seek the forgiveness of Allah Almighty, remember this. You need to seek the forgiveness of Allah.

You’re living in conditions that are trying, that are very testing, there is a lot of pressure to do. Look at the people who are on drugs, look at the people in the gambling casinos, look at the people who are gambling away their earnings and their livings, look at the people who are drinking alcohol and intoxicating themselves the degree of intoxication is such that it’s unimaginable…

But you know what, Allah says, “My doors are wide open, I will forgive, I will keep on forgiving, I will continue to forgive, but never think that I’m not forgiving.”

Allah chooses for Himself Bismi-Allah Ar-Rahman Ar-Rahim (In the name of Allah the Most Kind the Most Forgiving, the Most Merciful the Most Beneficent). Like we say the one whose mercy encompasses everything and He has a specialized mercy for those who believe.

Allah’s name does not include He who doesn’t forgive, He who is going to punish you and that’s it! No. In fact it’s the other way around.

Don’t Let Your Past Haunt You

So, don’t let your past haunt you. You need to smile at the fact that you have a Lord who is absolutely merciful. Your past is your past, that’s exactly what it is; it’s not your present, it’s not going to be your future. So if there is a bad habit or something you did in the past, it’s gone, it’s over.

Allah is not going to punish you now that you sought forgiveness. When you seek forgiveness once that was enough. We repeat it, we say it again and again and again. The first time was enough, it wiped your sin out, the second time it elevates your status, it’s not like that sin still exists.

The Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) says:

The one who seeks forgiveness from a sin is equivalent to the one who never ever committed that sin before. (Ibn Majah)

Don’t Lose Hope in the Mercy of Allah

No matter what you’ve done, you are still the beloved servant, slave of Allah, the beloved creature of Allah. He loves you. He made you. He’s waiting for you. He actually does not want you to lose hope in His mercy.

So remember this, the trap of the devil is when you have sought forgiveness, he comes back to you and makes you doubt the mercy of Allah, which is a bigger sin than whatever you’ve committed in the past. Because you haven’t even recognized Allah Almighty.

May Allah grant us ease and open our doors.

Ameen.

- aboutislam.net

Tuesday, 18 January 2022

Purity of Heart: How to Improve It

Every child is born innocent, sinless, and angelically pure. If you look at the innocence of a child, this is how close we should be to Allah the Almighty.

When we are pure at heart, our hearts become innocent and clean like children. But to remain this way is a daily challenge.

A child brought up knowing love and tenderness retains a healthy sense of self-esteem and worth. However, it remains that every child develops an ego, and each encounters life experiences that adversely affect their trust and innocence.

Not Being Taught a Moral Life

Optimistically, most children learn the meaning of integrity and how to live a moral life.

When children learn integrity and morals, they grow up having self-worth, making it is easier to relate to God. They have common sense, and their life is made easier.

Less fortunate children may, as adults, go through life aimlessly – without knowing how to navigate their journey – making up the rules as they go along. They lack a sense of self-worth or purpose that should have been instilled in them by parental figures.

Sometimes, they feel jealous and exhibit competitiveness toward others. These individuals tend to search for love wherever they can find it, ultimately facing betrayal and disappointment, leading to heartache and lack of trust.

Despair

When a person feels hurt, disappointed, or alone, despair and depression begin to take root.

Many people lead lives of desperation and emptiness, devoid of morals – conditions that make life complicated.

In such a state, it becomes easy to miss seeing the beauty of Almighty Allah around us; or to see Him as the One who loves us unconditionally. In taking these things for granted, it becomes commonplace to lose trust in God.

Judging Others

In not striving to live exemplary lives, showing empathy toward one another, giving in charity and brotherhood, upholding the common good, and supporting justice – life becomes mundane.

Even when trying to live moral lives, a lack of self-control leads to speaking badly toward or judging others.

Overcoming Shame

Many new converts, and Muslims who strayed from the straight path, have lived immorally – against the tenants of Islam. Sometimes this is found in Western cultures, where self-focus vs. service to others is predominant.

In either case, Allah the Almighty is All-Forgiving, Most-Merciful, and whatever our mistakes, repentance, asking His forgiveness, seeking forgiveness of others, and forgiving ourselves, purifies our hearts.

The love of Allah the Almighty invokes self-worth. Our mere existence is proof that we are a creation of His beauty!

He loves us with the tenderness of a mother holding her newborn child. Almighty Allah is always with us. We are never alone.

Forgiveness brings us peace of mind and purity of heart if we submit our whole hearts to Allah the Almighty.

Becoming Close to Almighty Allah

The acts of prayer and dhikr (remembrance of Allah the Almighty), bring us inner peace. Remembering Him throughout the day, being aware of the beauty and awe of His creation rekindles that child-like quality of innocence we had at birth.

Being merciful and kind, having a good heart, refraining from being judgmental, cruel, jealous, or self-righteous will restore peace of mind and purify our hearts.

Physical Cleanliness

Physical purity and cleanliness will also contribute to the purity of our hearts. We should physically take care of and beautify ourselves.

Eating healthy halal food and drinking enough water will make us feel better about ourselves.

Purifying ourselves before prayer with proper wudu washes away our sins.

When we uphold our responsibility to family and keep our word, we are worshiping God.

Guarding our words, not using profanity with the same mouths that recite the Quran or Allah the Almighty, keeps our minds clean.

Being fair, not hurting others unjustly, and using good judgment prevents drama and conflict in our lives.

Reflection

We should also pause throughout the day to make dua for others affected by misfortune.

Taking time to reflect in solitude, and pausing several times a day (not just for the daily prayers), to feel the closeness and companionship of Allah the Almighty, and seeking refuge in Him through times of despair, is essential in maintaining purity of heart, because life is far from perfect.

Gratitude also nurtures peace of mind and purity of heart; teaching us to value whatever we have in our lives.

Forgiveness

Having the ability to forgive and apologize for doing something wrong, or hurt someone, is an invaluable virtue.

Holding onto a wall of anger between our brothers or sisters brings complexity and impurity into a believer’s life.

Through purity of heart, we become more empathetic. If Allah the Almighty is Forgiving and Merciful, we should strive to emulate the examples set out in the Quran and Sunnah, beginning with extending mercy toward one another.

Life of Simplicity

Following the middle path, Allah the Almighty makes practicing Islam easy for us.

Islam is not intended to complicate our lives but encourages that we live in simplicity and to avoid seeking excess in the material aspects of this life.

Material things complicate our lives and diminish both physical and spiritual purity.

Simplicity brings purity of heart. Living a life of simplicity and purity will bring us back to the innocence of a child, resulting in greater happiness and peace of mind. It will make our lives easier.

Our lives become enriched by viewing the world as a creation of God’s beauty, and we should take care to not destroy the earth or be wasteful.

We should look to ourselves as creation of Allah that we, ourselves, are beautiful, and that we should make ourselves beautiful, our relationships beautiful, and that we will be rewarded in the hereafter, for Allah loves a pure and beautiful heart. This is what is most desired to Allah in the hereafter.

In looking to ourselves as the inherently beautiful creation of Allah the Almighty, it becomes easier to understand that, by striving to maintain purity in our hearts, the inner beauty we were born with radiates through our appearance, and our relationships improve as well.

What aspect of our character does Allah the Almighty value the most concerning the hereafter? He is looking for whether or not we have a pure and beautiful heart. - aboutislam.net

Monday, 17 January 2022

A Quick Guide to Forming Healthy Friendships

Friends can make or break us. It’s true! And even backed-up by the sunnah and science. So, how do we find good friends, and how do we keep them?

If anyone relieves a Muslim believer from one of the hardships of this worldly life, Allah will relieve him of one of the hardships of the Day of Resurrection. If anyone makes it easy for the one who is indebted to him (while finding it difficult to repay), Allah will make it easy for him in this worldly life and in the Hereafter, and if anyone conceals the faults of a Muslim, Allah will conceal his faults in this world and in the Hereafter. Allah helps His slave as long as he helps his brother.” -Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings be upon him), narrated by Abu Hurairah [Muslim].

Showing mercy to a fellow believer is a big deal. Some examples: listening to the heartaches of your friend’s family drama; helping your friend with homework, or giving feedback on your friend’s resume draft.

Where to find good friends

What to look for in a friend

Good people gather in good places. You stand a better chance of finding good friends in places like mosques, circles of knowledge at people’s homes, or through volunteering in places such as soup kitchens, retirement homes, hospitals, and non-profit organizations.

Prophetic character traits are what you want to look for in a friend. Traits like kindness, patience, courage, honesty, and generosity are the kinds of qualities you want in your closest friends; friends who will tell you the truth even when you don’t want to hear it.

A Quick Guide to Forming Healthy Friendships - About Islam

Trust your parents

Parents have a keen sense regarding the character of your friends. If there’s something about your friend that rubs your parents the wrong way; pay attention. You may not like what they have to say, but try to keep an open mind. Believe it or not, your parents were once teenagers once, they have life experience and wisdom.

Know your strengths

What are your best qualities? If you are kind, then your friends can count on you when they are feeling down. If you are honest, your friends can rely on you to give them good advice when they’re feeling stuck.

If you have a good sense of humor, your friends will know they can count on you to make them laugh. Remember though, being a good friend is a two-way street; know what you bring to the table.

Know your weaknesses

Everyone has weaknesses. If you know you have a bad temper, then it’s important to remember that, and avoid getting into heated discussions with your friends. Take responsibility of your weaknesses, and see them as ways to improving your character.

Friendships that compliment your weaknesses can help you improve them, but it might not be easy for friends to stick around if you keep pushing them away. Spend time reflecting on how your patterns of behavior may cause issues in your friendships.

Practice conflict resolution

Friendships that stand the test of time always involve resolving conflicts. It’s not easy when you have your first argument with a good friend, but instead of giving up on your friendship, choose to work it out.

Shall I not inform you of something more excellent in degree than (voluntary) fasting, prayer and almsgiving (sadaqah)?” The people replied, “Yes, Prophet of Allah!” He said, “It is putting things right between people. Spoiling relations is the shaver.” (Abu Dawud)

Maybe your friend meant something contrary to what you understood. Maybe your friend touched on a sore point that you need to work on at a personal level. It takes time and practice to figure out the best ways to resolve conflict with one another, as we all have different personalities, but these are all chances to help you grow.

You will find that some friends are more open to resolving conflict, while others are not. Many people carry their own hurts; you cannot heal them, but you can try to be empathetic.

Prophet Muhammad had an amazing sense of empathy. Allah the Almighty said about him:

There has certainly come to you a Messenger from among yourselves. Grievous to him is what you suffer; [he is] concerned over you and to the believers is kind and merciful.” (At-Tawbah 9:128)

Hold your friend and yourself accountable

And the believers, men and women, are protecting friends of one another; they enjoin the right and forbid the wrong.” (At-Tawbah 9:71)

It’s important to hold yourself accountable for your own behavior. If you know you have a tendency to blame others, work on taking responsibility for your own mistakes. Making the intention to improve your character, for the sake of Allah the Almighty, is how you will grow as a believer.

By the same token, if you notice problematic patterns in your friend’s behavior, think of a gentle way you can bring it to their attention. It’s an act of kindness and vulnerability to explain that you felt hurt by your friend.

Bottling up feelings will only lead to resentment, which will hurt both you and your friend. It takes time and lots of practice, but the results are worth it.

If you are close enough to your friend, then the sting of receiving feedback will eventually fade. This is a more honest and brave way of approaching your friendships, rather than ghosting them when they hurt you.

There’s a concept known as How to Fight Smarter: Soften Your Start-Up , which you can definitely use as a guide in tricky conversations.

Forgive yourself and your friends

Those who are merciful will be shown mercy by the Most Merciful. Be merciful to those on the earth and the One in the heavens will have mercy upon you.” -The Messenger of Allah (peace and blessings be upon him), narrated by Abdullah ibn Amr [Tirmidhi]

Forming solid friendships is a lifelong journey, and everyone makes mistakes. When we are under exam stress, have family challenges, or feel sick, it is at these times that we are more likely to say or do things we later regret.

Part of being a good friend is choosing to forgive and overlook one another’s mistakes, let them go, and not bring them up again. Being a good friend is hard work, but there are great blessings to be found in perseverance.

This article is from our archive, originally published on an earlier date and highlighted here for its importance.

Sunday, 16 January 2022

Can There Be Happiness in Hardship?

Often when we are facing tough times, we focus on the time of ease that comes after: a good grade after studying, good health after exercise, a paycheck after work, comfort after a trial.

This is the pattern of life. We work hard: then we rest. We suffer: then we experience relief. Without the thought of rest and relief, many of us would find the tests and vicissitudes of life very difficult indeed.

Allah Almighty tells us that this is how life works:

{Allah will bring about, after hardship, ease.} (Quran 65:7)

Ease Comes after, but also with, Hardship

Allah says:

But ease does not only come after hardship. This is something we often forget. Ease and indeed happiness also comes with, during, in the midst of hardship. So, it’s not that we have to endure and wait until the (often) unspecified time hardship ends to enjoy ease. The Most Merciful allows us to enjoy ease, to be happy in the midst of the struggle.

{For indeed, with hardship [will be] ease. Indeed, with hardship [will be] ease.} (Quran 94:5-6)

Allah Almighty, The Most Perfect, The Creator of language, the human tongue, and intellect–does not stutter. He does not say something twice without a purpose. Allah’s promise of ease is repeated for emphasis because it is emphatically true.

Even when we are studying hard, we can be happy knowing that we will have breaks to enjoy. Even when we are exercising, we feel a release of endorphins, making us happy during the workout. And even when we are going through trials, we certainly have bright spots of joy.

Hardship Increases our Appreciation

When I look back on my life, I can see how utterly true this is. Whether it was the time when being able to wear clean clothes felt like an extreme luxury amid poverty I was experiencing. Or the cooling touch that made a mountain of difference when I had a high fever. Or the times after my parents passed away that my siblings and I found comfort in each other amid the pain of loss. I have known happiness in the middle of hardship.

We all have these stories. If we look back at our lives and think of the moments of pure joy, they often lay in a field of suffering– laughter amid tears even before the healing begins; a cooling rain shower in the long, hot summer even before autumn arrives; a good meal and company at the masjid iftar even before Eid al-Fitr comes.

The sweetness of these small spots of joy during hardship come, perhaps, because Allah is showing us how amazing the things we take for granted at times of ease really are.

We never appreciate the ease of access to food until we fast or are deprived by need. We don’t consider how, if we live in a rainy climate, the rain is a blessing. We don’t realize how good it feels to laugh when we see nothing wrong in our lives.

We are made to appreciate the seemingly smallest of things with an elevated sense of gratitude and understanding during hardships, where as any other time the blessings of life are often taken for granted or overlooked.

But in that contrast of bitter hardship and sweet happiness is so much beauty. Perhaps our hardships come just so that we can see the blessings for what they truly are. Perhaps we are guided toward gratitude through suffering because Allah wants to give us the reward for being grateful and increase us in His favor.

Allah says:

{If you are grateful, I will surely increase you [in favor]} (Quran 14:7)

I Could’t Sleep

I began to watch a show on the in-flight “entertainment” and noticed how many scenes they had where people had pillows and blankets or were sleeping in their comfortable beds. I became more acutely aware of how much I wanted to sleep, how little I thought of this joy before, how much comfort even being able to lie down brings.

I was reminded of all of this in a small way very recently. I boarded a flight that was to last more than half a day. I counted on the fact that I would sleep for a good portion of that time. But as I sat in my tiny economy seat, crammed between two large people, sleep would not come.

I was exhausted, but could not get comfortable enough to sleep. The passengers around me fell asleep. But I was stuck watching a show with tons of pillows and sleeping.

I was miserable. This is perhaps something most people have been through. And it’s not that big of deal, but it taught me something about happiness happening even in amidst hardship.

Finally, I slept, lightly and intermittently. There was ease with the hardship. And I was so thankful for it. Then once we landed (and took another flight and landed again), I could have a pillow, lie down, and rest even more. There was ease after the hardship. And I was so happy to have it.

But during my small struggle to get comfortable and get some rest, I realized how amazing a blessing sleep is. Something I take for granted daily. Allah Almighty reminded me of how great a blessing it is to have a comfortable place to lie down. Something I previously considered to be my right.

Allah does everything for a reason. Even the smallest of hard times can be a lesson, a great source of blessings, and even—as paradoxically as it may seem—happiness. So, we can relax knowing that we don’t need to just grit our teeth and try to pull through hard times because there is always ease.

(From Discovering Islam archive)