THE THEME OF 'DIFFERENCE' IN SURAH AL-RUM

God has made difference a reality of life.  Even parents and their children differ, in spite of the children being the immediate genetic descendants of their parents and in spite of their parents having raised them from infancy.  They differ in their outlook on life, their personalities, their temperaments, and even their physical appearances.  In fact, sexual reproduction and the exchange of the parents’ genetic material that it entails guarantees that children will be different. 

The theme of difference, and the associated phenomena of change, alternation, and disagreement, are employed thematically throughout Surah al-Rum, the thirtieth chapter of the Quran, to affirm God’s greatness, His wisdom, and his absolute monotheism. 

God says: "And from among His signs is the creation of the heavens and the Earth and the differences in your colours and tongues." (Quran 30:22)

The differences between people’s complexions is one of the most obvious of differences.  Our various colours are a sign of God’s creative power, and a manifestation of his wisdom.  At the same time, skin colour has proven to be a trial for many who have used this superficial difference as a criterion for judging others. 

As for the differences in our tongues, there are a number of possible interpretations.  This can be understood to refer to our various languages.  It can also be understood to refer to the differences in people’s vocal qualities and speaking skills.  It can also refer to the content of people’s discourse, whether pleasant or abusive, optimistic or despondent, ethical or wanton. 

This verse appears in Surah al-Rum, the chapter of the Quran entitled "Romans".  This chapter opens with a discussion about the most virulent manifestation of human differences: war, particularly the war which was raging at the time between the world’s two great powers: Byzantine Rome and the Persian Empire.  This discussion then opens up into a broader discussion of the differences between the fortunes of nations and a promise that the Muslims – who were at that time weak and downtrodden – will have a brighter future: "And on that day the believers will rejoice with God ’s help." (Quran 30:4-5)

This is immediately followed by a description of how civilizations have their time of ascendency and weakness, and how the balance of power shifts over historical time: "Do they not travel through the Earth, and observe what was the end of those who came before them, those who had been superior to them in strength?" (Quran 30:9)

This thematic development comes to its most poignant example by addressing the different fates that await people in the Hereafter: "And at the time when the hour shall come, at that time they shall become separated one from the other." (Quran 30:14)

With each example of difference, the Quran counterpoints God’s divine unity with the variety and change that exists in His Creation.  This is expressed with regard to time when God says: "Therefore glory be to God when you enter upon the night and when you arise in the morning.  And praise be to Him in the heavens and the Earth, and at nightfall, and when you find yourselves at midday." (Quran 30:17-18)

Following this focus on time is a thematic treatment of place, and then of the alternation of life and death, which is concluded with reference to the variety that exists within the human species: "Among His signs is that He created you from dust; and then,- behold, you are human beings scattered (far and wide)!" (Quran 30:20)

This moves to a focus on the differences within the human entity on the most intimate level: "And among His Signs is that He created for you mates from among yourselves, that you may dwell in tranquility with them, and He has put love and mercy between your hearts." (Quran 30:21)

The verses progress from the heavens and the Earth through the variety that exists in Creation, and arrives in a very satisfying manner to the sweetness of human intimacy.  There is a parallel treatment of the heavens and Earth on the one hand and the complementary relationship between a man and woman within the context of marriage on the other, and what both these relationships entails of stability and creative potential. 

It is in this context that the discussion arrives at the differences between people’s colours and tongues, and then moves on to the alternation of the night and the day, through other manifestations of the differences within Creation, culminating in praising those people for whom this great variety becomes an affirmation of faith in the oneness and wisdom of their Creator. 

Throughout Surah al-Rum, the theme of difference in Creation is employed purposefully to affirm monotheism and establish faith, and in an eloquent rhetorical turn, to negate disagreement and dissention in how people should relate to their Lord: "Turn back to Him in repentance, and fear Him.  Establish regular prayers, and be not among those who associate others with God, those who split up their religion, and become mere sects, each party rejoicing in that which is with itself!" (Quran 30:31-32)

This chapter of the Quran mobilizes an impressive range of examples – even invoking the stages of the human life from infancy to adulthood, to old age – to achieve its rhetorical aim.  It affirms that change and variation in Creation are part of the divine plan, and ultimately attest to the unity and absolute wisdom of the Creator. -islamreligion.com

How a Muslim should shake hands Question

Question

What is the proper manner according to the Sunnah of shaking hands when greeting someone? Should one hand or both hands be used? I heard that there is a hadith in Sahîh al-Bukhârî that both hands should be used. Is it wrong or an innovation to opt for the customary way of shaking hands found in one’s culture when that way differs from the way of the Prophet (peace be upon him)?

Answer

Shaking hands is a Sunnah. However it is not a formal act of worship like prayer and fasting that must be performed in a specific way. Therefore, the question of innovation does not come into play here. We believe that the manner of shaking hands is something to be done according to customs of the people. 

It is well-known that in some eastern societies, when someone uses two hands in welcoming his counterpart, it is an indication of affection towards him. In some parts of the Arab world, it is customary to greet a person by placing the left hand on the other person’s elbow when shaking his hand. In parts of the Sudan, it is the custom to first place one’s hand on his counterpart’s shoulder before taking his hand. 

The important thing is to greet your brother with “salâm” and to shake his hand. 

Al-Bukhârî has a chapter in his Sahîh entited “The Chapter of Shaking Hands” in which he records the following hadîth: 

Ka`b b. Mâlik narrates: “I entered the mosque and thereupon I found Allah’s Messenger (peace be upon him). Then Talhah b. `Ubayd Allah stood up and rushed over to me to shake my hand and greet me.” 

Qatadah narrates that he asked Anas: “Had the Companions of the Prophet (peace be upon him) been in the custom of shaking hands?” and that Anas told him that they were. [Sahîh al-Bukhârî (6263)] 

Right after this chapter on shaking hands, al-Bukhârî comes with another chapter entitled “The Chapter of Clasping with Two Hands”. At least, this is how the chapter heading is given in most editions of Sahîh al-Bukhârî. In some editions it reads: “The Chapter of Clasping with the Hand”.

Under this chapter heading, there is only a single narration that pertains to the issue of handshaking. It states that Hamâd b. Zayd shook Ibn al-Mubârak’s hand by taking it with his two hands. 

Al-Bukhârî does not mention under this chapter heading any hadîth attributed to the Prophet (peace be upon him) about shaking hands. 

The matter is an open one. And Allah knows best.

-islamtoday.net

Muslim women not tortured by their husbands during time of Prophet, sallallaahu 'alayhi wa sallam

Question

Assalaamualaikum, many Muslim clerics have held the view that hitting a wife is permissible and not barbaric. However, many critics of Islam point out a hadith of Al-Bukhaari in which it is stated that Muslim women used to suffer severe torture by Muslim men in the era of Prophet Mohammed . They quote this hadith:

Bukhari Volume 7, Book 72, Number 715: Rifa'a divorced his wife, whereupon 'Abdur-Rahmaan bin Az-Zubair Al-Qurazi married her. ‘Aa'ishah said that the lady (came), wearing a green veil (and complained to her [‘Aa'ishah] of her husband and showed her a green spot on her skin caused by a beating). It was the habit of ladies to support each other, so when Allah's Apostle came, ‘Aa'ishah said, "I have not seen any woman suffering as much as the believing women. Look! Her skin is greener than her clothes!" When 'AbdurRahmaan heard that his wife had gone to the Prophet, he came with his two sons from another wife. She said, "By Allah! I have done no wrong to him but he is impotent and is as useless to me as this," holding and showing the fringe of her garment. 'Abdur-Rahmaan said, "By Allah, O Allah's Apostle! She has told a lie! I am very strong and can satisfy her, but she is disobedient and wants to go back to Rifa'a." Allah's Apostle said to her, "If that is your intention, then know that it is unlawful for you to remarry Rifa'a unless Abdur-Rahmaan has had sexual intercourse with you." Then the Prophet saw the two boys with 'Abdur-Rahmaan and asked (him), "Are these your sons?" On that, 'AbdurRahman said, "Yes." The Prophet said, "You claim what you claim (i.e.. that he is impotent)? But, by Allah, these boys resemble him as a crow resembles a crow." In this hadith, it is stated that no woman suffered as much as believing women. Does this mean that Muslim men used to torture their women?

Answer

All perfect praise be to Allah, The Lord of the worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allah and that Muhammad , is His slave and Messenger.

There is nothing in the mentioned hadeeth that indicates that Muslim women were tortured and beaten by their husbands and that it was common during the lifetime of the Prophet , let alone him approving or denouncing it. The statement of ‘Aa'ishah  "I have not seen anyone suffering as much as the believing women," means suffering life's hardships, according to Al-Qastallaani in his book Irshaad As-Saari Lisharh Saheeh Al-Bukhaari (8/435). 

‘Aa'ishah's statement, "Her skin is greener than her clothes!" may refer to the marks caused by a beating, and it may also mean that she was emaciated (very skinny). Al-‘Ayni  commented on the hadeeth, saying, "The greenness of the skin could have been because she was very skinny or because she was beaten by her husband ‘Abd Ar-Rahmaan." [‘Umdat Al-Qaari Sharh Saheeh Al-Bukhaari 6/22] 

Scholars brought forth this hadeeth as evidence supporting the fact that in case of an irrevocable divorce with major separation (third divorce), it is impermissible for the divorced couple to remarry until the woman marries another man and that second marriage is consummated (and she later becomes divorced or widowed and wishes to remarry her first husband). The scholars' concern for this hadeeth was in relation to this religious ruling. As for the ruling on beating wives, it is known from many other texts indicating that it is absolutely prohibited for the husband to severely beat his wife under any circumstances and that the permissible disciplinary beating is not severe and is deemed allowable in certain cases as the last resort after exhorting her and then abandoning her in bed. 

It has been reported on the authority of Jaabir  that the Prophet , said, "…If they do that, then beat them, but without causing injury or leaving a mark." [Muslim] 

The Maaliki scholar Ad-Dardeer  wrote:

"Exhortation means to gently advise the disobedient wife to obey her husband and avoid the mistakes that she is making. If exhortation proves to be ineffective, then the husband is entitled to abandon her in bed, i.e. refrain from engaging in intimacy with her, in the hope that she reconsiders her actions and refrains from her disobedience. If forsaking her in bed proved to be ineffective, then it is deemed allowable for the husband, as a last resort, to discipline her by lightly beating her without causing any physical harm. Beating in this context must be without hurting, breaking a bone, or leaving marks on the body, while avoiding hitting the face or especially sensitive places at any cost. It is impermissible for the husband to severely beat his wife even if he knew that it is the only effective way to make her stop her disobedience. If he did do so, then she is legislatively entitled to request a divorce and he is liable for Qisaas (retribution). The order of these stages of disciplining methods must be followed, and the husband should not opt for a latter method unless he believes that the former one is ineffective." 

It should be noted that although it is allowable for the husband to beat his disobedient wife in certain situations, it is better to avoid doing so. Al-Bayhaqi  wrote, "Ash-Shaafi‘i commented on the version of the hadeeth narrated on the authority of Abu Sa‘eed, saying, 'It seems that the Prophet , forbade beating as a choice and deemed it allowable only in case he fears her aggravated disobedience and that his choice for them was that they do not beat, as he said, 'The best of you will not beat (their wives).'" [Ma‘rifat As-Sunan wal-Aathaar] 

Allah knows best.

-islamweb.net

Wife not obliged to spend on mother-in-law or live with her

Question

Assalamualaikum, I have a problem and need your advice. I and my small children have made Hijrah (emigration) to Morocco. My husband will not be able to join us for maybe two years, so he is currently in Sweden. My mother-in-law lives in France with her husband, but ever since I and my children moved to Morocco, she has been here with us for nine months. She refuses to go back to France. Not only that, but she does not like me or my children and treats us in a bad way. She insults me, screams at me, lies about me, talks bad about me to others, and uses me in different ways. All this has caused me to cry every day, and I call my husband crying, but he says that he cannot do anything about it because she does not want to go back. Besides all this, I am paying for everything in the home; water, electricity, internet, everything. The first five months, I was paying for all the food too. She gets money from her sons but never once told me that she can pay for something in the home. She almost never even buys milk for herself or bread or anything, but I do it. She is out almost every day for many hours but does not buy anything for herself. I need your advice because I feel like I do not want to be married any longer because I cannot live with my mother-in-law anymore. I and my husband have been experiencing problems in our marriage for many years because we always fight about her. The people in Morocco lives by their culture, not according to Islam, and so does my husband's family, even though they live in Europe. All this is too much for me. I feel like oppressed living this situation. Please answer in private so that I can show my husband and his family the answer. May Allah bless you, and have a blessed Ramadan.

Answer

All perfect praise be to Allah, The Lord of the worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allah and that Muhammad is His slave and Messenger.

You are not obliged to spend from your own money on your mother-in-law or even on the household, and you are not obliged to serve her or to accept to live with her in the same house. If you do anything of this, then it is a donation from you and an act of goodness for which you are praised.

Hence, we recommend that you try to reach a mutual understanding with your husband and explain these matters and that you are harmed by this situation to him. If this is of no benefit, then you should balance the disadvantages of divorce and the disadvantages of staying married to your husband in those conditions and then choose the lesser of the two evils. 

Allah knows best.

-islamweb.net

Married without Wali and wants to return to marital wedlock after three divorces

Question

I am a 40-year-old woman who is divorced with kids. I got married to my second husband in secret and then got divorced three times. However, we still love each other and want to go back to one another. Was the marriage invalid given that it was executed without my Wali's(legal guardian) consent? If so, can I remarry him in public now? The marriage was secret because I did not inform my family, but there were witnesses.

Answer

All perfect praise be to Allah, The Lord of the worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allah and that Muhammad , is His slave and Messenger. 

The majority of Muslim scholars held that the marriage contract conducted without the consent of the bride's Wali is invalid. This is contrary to the view of Imaam Abu Haneefah  who held that an adult, sane woman can marry herself off and that the marriage contract is valid in the absence of the bride's Wali. However, divorce is valid in this marriage even according to those who hold that marriage without a Wali is invalid.

Hence, as long as your husband has divorced you three times, then you have become irrevocably divorced. This is an irrevocable divorce of a major degree - in which the husband cannot re-enter the marriage contract with his divorced wife unless she, after having married another man and consummated the marriage with him, is divorced or widowed and her ‘Iddah (waiting period) expires. It is important to note that her marriage to the other man must be with the intention of staying with him, and it cannot merely be a Tahleel marriage (done with the sole purpose of becoming lawful to her ex-husband again).

Abu Al-Fadhl Saalih wrote in his book on the questions for his father Imaam Ahmad, may Allah have have mercy upon them:

"I asked him (Imaam Ahmad) about a woman who got married without the permission of her Wali and then the man who married her divorced her three times. The Wali approved the marriage later on; is it lawful for the man and woman to remarry before she has married another man, since the first marriage is declared defective? He replied, 'No, they are not allowed to remarry unless she marries another man, because were she to bear her former husband a child, it would have been attributed to the husband because the parentage is legitimately attributed to the father due to their mistaken belief that their contract was valid. Therefore, the woman is not lawful for her former husband unless she marries another man (and he divorces her for any given reason or passes away).'" [Masaa'il Imaam Ahmad]

You should know that it is not allowable for the person who believed that a marriage was valid to later follow the opposing view and consider the marriage invalid in order to benefit from a ruling that suits his desires and serves his best interests. This constitutes manipulating the Sharee'ah provisions to fit one's desires.

Lastly, we advise you to beware of retaining your relationship with that man, who has become a non-Mahram man (alien) to you. Continuing in that relationship would inevitably lead to grave evil and unfavorable results.

Allah knows best.

-islamtoday.net

The excellence of Prayer

The Prayer is the first pillar of Islam that the Prophet mentioned after that of uttering the Testimony of Faith, by which one becomes a Muslim. It is a form of worship consisting of specific statements and actions. It begins by pronouncing the words ‘Allahu Akbar’ (Allah is the Greatest), and concludes with the salutation As-Salamu ‘alaykum wa rahmatullah (May the peace and mercy of Allah be with you).

The Prayer was the only order that was commanded by Allah directly to His Messenger  during his night journey. Allah Says (what means): {Exalted is He who took His slave [i.e. Prophet Muhammad] by night from Al-Masjid Al-Haraam to Al-Masjid Al-Aqsa, whose surroundings We have blessed, to show him of Our signs. Indeed, He is the Hearing, the Seeing} [Quran 17: 1] Prayer was also obligatory upon all the prophets, may Allah exalt their mention, and their nations.

Additionally, it was the first act of worship that was made obligatory by Allah on every believer.

The status and virtue of the Prayer:

The Prayer has a great status in Islam; a status which no other act of worship holds. It is the spinal cord of the religion, without which the religion itself cannot be established. The Prophet  said regarding it: “The head of the matter is Islam, its spinal cord is the prayer, and its highest pinnacle is ‘Jihaad’ in the way of Allah.” [Muslim]

In the Quran, Allah ordains us hundreds of times to establish the Prayer. Allah Says (what means): {…Indeed, prayer has been decreed upon the believers a decree of specified times…} [Quran 4: 103] And (what means): {Establish the Prayer, and give Zakaat (poor-due) and bow with those who bow (in worship and obedience).} [Quran 2: 43]

The Prophet  said: "Islam is built upon five pillars: Bearing witness that none is worthy of worship but Allah and that Prophet Muhammad is His Messenger, establishing the Prayer, paying Zakaah, observing Fast in Ramadan and performing Hajj.” [Al-Bukhari and Muslim]

The significance of Prayer is so great that one is ordered to observe it whether traveling or not, in safety or in fear. Allah Says (what means): {Be guardians of your prayers, and of the midmost prayer, and stand up with devotion to Allah. And if you go in fear, then (pray) standing or on horseback. And when you are again in safety, remember Allah, as He has taught you that which (heretofore) you knew not.} [Quran 2: 238-239]

Moreover, it is the first act that the person will be held accountable for on the Day of Recompense. The Prophet  said: “The first act that the slave will be held accountable for on the Day of Judgment will be the Prayer. If it is good, then the rest of his deeds will be good. And if it is bad, then the rest of his deeds will be bad.” [At-Tabaraani]

The Prayer is the best and most noble of deeds. It is the link between the believer and his Lord. Through the Prayer, the slave communicates with his Lord five times a day. To demonstrate the greatness and virtues of performing prayer, the Prophet  said: “If the time for a prescribed prayer comes, and a Muslim performs ablution properly, (and then offers his prayer) with humbleness and bowing (to Allah), it will be an expiation for his past sins, so long as he has not committed a major sin; and this is applicable to all times.” [Muslim]

The Messenger of Allah  beautifully gave a similitude, to the one who performs the Prayer in the prescribed manner and time, by these great words: “The five daily prayers are like a deep river flowing by the door of any of you, in which he bathes five times every day.” [Muslim]

The Prayer is the last thing that the Prophet  reminded his nation with before he  died, saying: “Keep your Prayer, keep your prayer and fear Allah regarding what your right hand possesses (i.e. slaves).” [Imam Ahmad]

The impact of praying:

The relationship with Allah is demonstrated and put into practice, as well as improved and increased by the prayer. Therefore, if the prayers are sound and proper, the rest of the deeds will be sound and proper; and if the prayers are not sound and proper, then the rest of the deeds will not be sound and proper.

The spirit of the Prayer should be sincerity, devotion and contemplation. It is meant to strengthen the faith, purify and chasten the soul, qualify the believer for salvation in this life and the Hereafter and to make him shun immorality and evil deeds. Allah Says (what means): {Recite [O Muhammad] what has been revealed to you of the Book and establish the Prayer. Indeed, prayer prohibits immorality and wrongdoing, and the remembrance of Allah is greater. And Allah knows that which you do.} [Quran 29: 45]

Moreover, its aim is to generate within the subliminal self of man such spiritual power, light of faith and awareness of Allah as can enable him to strive successfully against all kinds of evils and temptations and remain steadfast at times of trial and adversity. The Prayer is so effective and soothing to the heart that the Prophet  would resort to it whenever anything grieved him  and would say to Bilal : “O Bilal! Comfort our hearts with it (i.e. call Iqamah for Prayer).” [Ahmad]

The overall effect that the properly performed prayers should have upon humans is described by Allah in many verses of the Quran. For example, Allah Says (what means): {Indeed, mankind was created anxious. When evil touches him, impatient, and when good touches him, withholding [of it], except the observers of prayer —those who are constant in their prayer.} [Quran 70: 19-23]  - islamweb.net

She is suffering because of problems in the relationship between her and her husband, and she wants advice

QUESTION :

I have been married for 5 years. I have not been nearly a good wife to my husband, but I have sacrificed a lot for our marriage. I worked along side of him and have always supported him but wasnt a good housewife and had always been behind with my chores. Unfortunately now our relationship is in a big crisis and I seek your support. My husband has always been critical towards me but now things are becoming worse, he criticises me about everything and says that i never listen to him. We recently had a baby and thats mainly when things became more serious. I feel bad because we are always arguing around her and i know this is not good for her future. My husband always asks his brother who is a doctor for advice and leaves out my opinion as second hand. He hates it when I ask my mother for advice because they are not in good relationship. 
Please give me guidance on the above. I also have a few additional questions below: 
If my mother disrespected my husband in his house, how was he supposed to respond, conaidering he was disrespected before. 
What is the islamic view on mothers instinct and according to islam is there such a thing as father's instinct? 
What can I do if my husband always sees faults in me?

ANSWER :

Praise be to Allah

Undoubtedly a great deal of criticism and arguing in front of the children is something negative that undermines harmony and love. Our advice to you and your husband is to reduce that as much as possible, and to show restraint; each of you should force himself to be patient with the other and to delay issues of arguments and discussion until you are by yourselves.

Our advice to the husband is not to think that any human being could be free of faults or shortcomings, because that is part of human nature, so how about the woman, whose basic nature the Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) has told us about, and said that there is no hope of changing her nature completely.

It was narrated from Samurah ibn Jundub that the Messenger of Allah (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said:

“Woman was created from a rib; if you try to straighten her you will break her. So be kind to her and you will live with ease with her.”

Narrated by Ahmad (20093) and Ibn Hibbaan (4178); classed as saheeh by al-Albaani.

Moreover, our advice to you is not to respond to criticism with more arguments and stubbornness, because this will put more strain on the connection between you, which is about to break because of that. Being more easy-going and diplomatic is something that is required from both parties. It is required from the husband, in the form of kindness, overlooking mistakes and showing compassion, and it is required from the religiously committed, smart and wise wife to put up with the annoyance of her husband, and not to be so harsh with him if he is harsh with her; rather she should be easy-going, as much as she can, avoid provoking his anger and not be confrontational. She should be as gentle as she can, and be soft with him.

It was narrated that ‘Abdullah ibn ‘Abbaas said: The Messenger of Allah (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said: “Shall I not tell you about your wives among the people of Paradise: the one who is loving, fertile, and beneficial to her husband, who if she is upset or annoyed, she comes and takes her husband’s hand, then she says: ‘By Allah, I shall not sleep until you are pleased with me.”

Narrated by an-Nasaa’i in as-Sunan al-Kubra (9094); classed as saheeh by al-Albaani in as-Saheehah(287)

What is well-established in psychology, and what is known from experience, is that stubbornness and arguing with a husband who is not patient with lengthy discussions and arguments will only result in bad consequences for the marriage and will increase resentment between the spouses.

Our advice to our sister is to discuss less and go along with him, and to show a great deal of admiration for his thoughts and opinions in general, even if you differ concerning some of the details. With this attitude you can reduce arguments, dispel resentment and make him more open to listening to your discussion and point of view. It would be a good idea for you to go to a psychologist who specialises in couples counselling, because that can help to uncover the subtle causes of the problem between you and deal with the matter in an effective manner.

You should realise that it is not a must for the husband to consult his wife; rather he may consult someone whose opinion and experience he trusts among his family and friends, or experts other than people whom he knows.

The most that can be said regarding the issue of a man consulting his wife is that it is something that is encouraged and is good, and it comes under the heading of kind treatment and noble character. Moreover, people vary in their nature, attitude, way of thinking and behaviour. So be wise, and do not take risks with regard to your family life and marriage. Forgive him some of his harshness and put up with some of his obstinacy, so long as it does not involve sin and no obvious harm will result to you or your family. Put up with what you dislike, for in patiently bearing what one dislikes there is a great deal of good, as the most truthful one (the Prophet – blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) said.

·        With regard to the mother’s instinct, from a linguistic point of view the Arabic word for instinct means nature. In terms of psychology, it refers to human behaviour that is based on nature and heredity. Every person has instincts and inclinations that differ according to his inherent nature and hereditary factors. Based on that, the mother’s instinct is no more than maternal behaviour that is based on her nature and genetic makeup. One of the most well-known manifestations of these natural instincts is the mother’s instinct to protect her child and ward off anything that may harm him.

But this instinct may become contaminated and malfunction because of unsound social influences and customs because of which the mother sees what is beneficial as harmful, so that facts are turned upside down in her mind and she becomes confused.

Therefore the mother should not be regarded as reliable unless it is proven that she is mature and well balanced, and that she is not influenced by unsound standards that are alien to sound human nature.

The same may be said concerning the father’s instinct and what may result from it.

·        Finally:

Your husband should be kind to your mother and treat her well, even if she has a different point of view than him. That is because she is like his own mother, and responding in a better way to bad treatment has a magical effect on people. Allah, may He be exalted, says (interpretation of the meaning):

“Repel (the evil deed) with one which is better (i.e. Allah ordered the faithful believers to be patient at the time of anger, and to excuse those who treat them badly), then verily! he, between whom and you there was enmity, (will become) as though he was a close friend”

[Fussilat 41:35].

In addition to that, you should pay attention to the fact that your husband does not like you to consult your mother, because your insistance on consulting her and seeking her opinion, despite what you say about the relationship between them not being good, makes matters worse. A man does not like even someone who agrees with him to interfere in his decisions and leadership, so what you think about one who differs with him?!

So do not do what he resents and do not refrain from doing what he likes. We give you the glad tidings that the Messenger of Allah (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) gave: “If a woman offers her five daily prayers, fasts her month (of Ramadan), guards her chastity and obeys her husband, she will enter through whichever of the gates of Paradise she wants.”

Narrated by Ibn Hibbaan (4163); classed as hasan by al-Albaani

And Allah knows best.

-islamqa.info

Guidelines and reservations regarding hairdressing for women

QUESTION :

I want to ask about the ruling on straightening the hair with chemical substances, keratin and Yuko (or Yoko – a Japanese hair-straightening process), because I need that. Please note that the treatment lasts for six months. Does this prevent water from reaching the hair when doing wudoo’ and ghusl? Because I asked a shaykh about the ruling on that, and he said: You know more about that, and whether it is like wax or not. But I do not have sufficient experience to research the matter. 
I hope that you can answer properly and dispel my anxiety, because I and many women want to straighten our hair, but we are not sure of the ruling. 
May Allah bless you.

ANSWER :

Praise be to Allah

Firstly:

Keratin is a substance of natural origin that is found in high amounts in the hair, but they produce it chemically and, according to their claim, it can be used to treat brittle and curly hair.

Yuko involves restructuring curly hair; during this process the hair is exposed to high heat, up to 180 degrees! along with chemical substances.

But both treatments, according to their advertisements, straighten and smooth the hair.

Secondly:

It does not seem to us that these two treatments prevent water from reaching the roots of the hair, or apply an impermeable layer to the hair. Based on that, wudoo’ and ghusl will be valid for the one who uses either treatment on her hair. If there is a period during which the obligatory ghusl may be required but she is not allowed to get her hair wet, then the woman should refuse this treatment, unless that is at the time of her menses. This refusal would not be because of wudoo’ but because of ghusl – because in ghusl it is stipulated that the hair must be wetted with water which should be made to reach the roots of the hair, unlike wudoo’. The presence of an impermeable layer on the hair does not mean that wudoo’ is invalid, because the requirement of wiping the head in wudoo’ is not strict, and what is required is to wipe the head only, not to wash it. Hence it is permissible to wipe over the head cover or turban, and to wipe over the hijab for women. The Prophet (blessings and peace of Allah be upon him) stuck his hair together during Hajj (a process called talbeed - whereby the pilgrim uses some sticky substance to stick his or her hair together in order to keep it orderly and protect against lice), which creates a layer over the hair. This ruling does not appy to other parts of the body that are washed during wudoo’.

Talbeed means sticking the hair together with gum or resin and the like, which holds the hair together and keeps it from getting dirty or dusty.

Conclusion:

There is no reason why a substance should not be used to straighten the hair, so long as it will not prevent one from doing ghusl as required in sharee‘ah. But it is essential to pay attention to avoiding extravagance and resembling disbelieving women, and to beware of using anything that may be harmful, even if the harm it may cause may not be obvious immediately.

And Allah knows best.

-islamqa.info

Idle statements about divorce do not lead to actual divorce

Question

Assalamualaikum. A brother was witnessing two friends argue on an Islamic issue without knowledge. He became very frustrated after not being able to stop them and blurted out that if one of them had been his wife, he would have divorce her. Does this affect his actual marriage? May Allah reward you.

Answer

All perfect praise be to Allah, The Lord of the worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allah and that Muhammad , is His slave and Messenger.

This statement has no effect on this brother's marriage; the marriage is still intact and the husband's statement has no legal consequences. Rather, it falls under the heading of idle talk. 

It should be noted that Muslim men should not make it a habit to pronounce words of divorce, as this imperils the marriage and makes it vulnerable, while marriage is described in the Quran as a solemn covenant; Allah, The Exalted, says (what means): {And how could you take it while you have gone in unto each other and they have taken from you a solemn covenant?} [Quran 4:21] 

It should also be noted that the Muslim is enjoined to refrain from discussing and arguing about matters of which he has no knowledge, especially pertaining to religious issues. Allah, The Exalted, says (what means): {And do not pursue that of which you have no knowledge. Indeed, the hearing, the sight and the heart - about all those (one) will be questioned.} [Quran 17:36] The arguing parties should refer to scholars so as to resolve any problematic issues; Allah, The Exalted, says (what means): {...So, ask the people of the message if you do not know.} [Quran 16:43] 

Allah knows best.

-islamweb.net

Status of Muslim woman who married non-Muslim man

Question

Dear Islamic Scholars, assalaamu alaykum wa rahmatullaahi wa barakaatuhu. Please inform us concerning the status of a Muslim woman, and whether her own status as a Muslim remains or not, who marries a non-Muslim person that does not convert to Islam. Please explain how that violates Islamic values and traditions. In particular, can such a lady lead or play any role in any Islamic organization? Can she participate as a member of any Islamic organization given that the organization puts the condition of being Muslim in order to be a member of such organization?

Answer

All perfect praise be to Allah, The Lord of the worlds. I testify that there is none worthy of worship except Allah and that Muhammad is His slave and Messenger.

There is no doubt that it is not permissible for a Muslim woman to marry a non-Muslim man, and the marriage is void in this case.

However, she does not go out of the fold of Islam just because of her marriage to a non-Muslim man.

This woman must be advised and reminded of the seriousness of what she did, then if she repents and turns to Allah and it is hoped that there is benefit in letting her work in the organization, then there is no harm in that.

However, if she persists in this invalid marriage, then she should not be allowed to work in this organization, as she is not trustworthy; it is only the religious and pious people who are suitable for such duties.

Shaykh Ibn Taymiyyah  said, "The person who is most suitable should be known for every position. Authority has two cornerstones: strength and trustworthiness, as Allah says (what means): {Indeed, the best one you can hire is the strong and the trustworthy.} [Quran 28:26]."

Allah knows best.

-islamweb.net

“SUPPLICATION IS ESSENTIALLY WHAT WORSHIP IS”

Al-Nu’man ibn Bashir relates that the Prophet, may the mercy and blessings of God be upon him, said: "Supplication is essentially what worship is."[1]

Here the Prophet is indicating that supplication comprehends all forms of worship.

This idea is also conveyed in the Quran where God says: "And your Lord said: Call upon me in supplication.  I will answer you.  Indeed, those who are too proud to worship Me will enter Hell in humiliation." (Quran 40:60)

We see in this verse that God first mentions supplication, saying: "Call upon me in supplication." Then He refers back to it as worship, saying: "… those who are too proud to worship Me…"

This shows just how important supplication is.  The Prophet considered it to be synonymous with worship, indicating that all the worship we engage in is in some way a means of beseeching and supplicating our Lord.  On this basis, scholars have divided the act of supplication into two categories:

1.     There is supplication whereby a person asks God for something.  This includes our beseeching God for forgiveness and for guidance.  It is quite straightforward how this is an act of supplication.

2.     Then there is supplication through devotional acts.  Our formal prayers are a form of supplication.  The fasts that we observe are a form of supplication.  When we undertake the pilgrimage, it is a form of supplication.  The reason for this is that when a worshipper engages in one of these acts of worship, it is as if he is saying through his actions: "My Lord, You commanded me and I obeyed and hearkened to Your command.  Here I am, offering you my worship, so please accept it from me."

This is the very meaning of humility and submission, and the act of beseeching our Lord and supplication.  Also, the Arabic word for our formal prayers – salah – literally means "supplication".  Pure acts of devotion are the best means of supplicating our Lord.  When we keep this in mind, it imbues all of our acts of worship with a deeper meaning and makes us better realize the devotional nature of what we are engaged in. 

We cannot lose when we beseech our Lord in supplication.  Either we will be granted what we ask for, or we will earn blessings for the act of worship that we have engaged in by the very act of asking God.  The rewards and blessings of our supplications are guaranteed – by God’s grace – as long as we are truly sincere in our supplications.  This is because our supplications are an act of devotion and a practical demonstration of our faith.

Supplication embodies the quintessence of faith.  When a person beseeches his Lord, he is acting upon his belief that there is a God – a Creator, a Sustainer, a heavenly Provider who is capable of all things and who has all things in His hand.  The supplicant has certainty that the One he calls upon possesses what is being asked of Him, since He possesses all that is in the heavens and the Earth.  The supplicant also has certainty that all created things are poor and only God is rich.  Therefore, the act of supplicating our Lord is rich with deep and vital meanings.

And indeed, supplication repels and combats the greatest bane that can ever afflict the human being – be he a believer or an unbeliever – and that is the bane of egoism.  It is egotistical selfishness that causes strife between people, for it is at the root of insolence, aggression, oppression, and tyranny.  It causes people to deny the rights of others, to abuse their spouses, and to mistreat their colleagues.  It causes a leader to misgovern his people and the governments of countries to transgress against each other.  Societies suffer from selfishness and egoism as much as individuals do.  It is the virus behind all of the problems and afflictions of human life.  Supplication brings to bear the power of faith to defeat this virus.  It does so because it brings about a state of self-effacement and humility in the supplicant before God, for the worshipper cannot approach his Lord through a better door than the door of humility.  This is why the worshipper is closest to his Lord when he is in prostration.

The greatest of supplications are those that contain the meaning of self-effacement.  For instance, the following supplication is mentioned in the Quran: "There is no God but You.  Glory be to You.  Indeed I have been one of the wrongdoers." 

Also in the Quran we find: "Our Lord! We have wronged ourselves, and if You do not forgive us and have mercy on us, then we will surely be among the losers."

The Prophet said the following supplication: "O Allah (God)! You are my Lord.  There is no God but You.  You created me and I am Your slave.  And I am upon Your covenant and Your promise as much as I am able…" 

The Prophet taught Abu Bakr to beseech God with the following words: "I have wronged myself greatly, and no one forgives sins except You.  So forgive me with Your forgiveness and have mercy on me, for indeed You are Most-Forgiving, Most-Merciful." 

Ibn Rajab said: "The crying of the (penitent) sinners is dearer to God than the chanting of those who glorify His name." 

Supplicating God with this kind of humility rids a person of egoism.  It also develops the supplicant’s consciousness for others and makes him perceive himself within the context of others.  This is why the most blessed and beautiful supplications are those where the supplicant beseeches God on behalf of other people – relatives and strangers, the righteous and the sinners, those who agree with him and those who oppose him. 

I remember that once during the Hajj pilgrimage, I met with a group of Muslims from Australia.  We discussed the issue of brotherhood and how it can be achieved.  Now, this delegation from Australia was comprised of various groups of people who all had Islam in common.  However, they were divided by ideology, opinion, group loyalties, and even bigotry.  I was among them and said: "You know, we are standing on the plain of Arafah." Then it came to me that I should be supplicating.  I felt the nearness of God’s mercy, and I felt strongly the universal need that all people – just like us – have for His mercy.  Then I said: "O Allah (God)! Every Muslim whom Your religion and Your Law permit me to ask You for their benefit, for mercy and for forgiveness, I supplicate to You on their behalf for Your mercy and forgiveness on this auspicious day and in this place." 

Now, when you supplicate like this, you are turning to the Almighty who is capable of all things.  He bestows as He wills and decrees as He wills with His word.  If He wills something, He just says "be!" and it is.  And indeed, I found after making that supplication that it had made a powerful impression upon those Australian Muslims.  They were pleased to see how supplication could be employed to reduce the severity of the disagreements that beset the Muslim community, so that their differences could be handled by the exchange of advice instead of remaining an impenetrable barrier. 

Another way that supplication exemplifies worship is that it is a way of speaking in which the supplicant addresses his Lord directly with good words.  This fortifies the speaker’s heart and mind as well as those others who may participate in it.  Some people are of the contrary impression that supplication is a type of deficiency, a manifestation of incapacity.  They think that a person merely sleeps and sits around and then beseeches his Lord.  On the contrary, supplication gives us the resolve, the strength, and the encouragement to carry on.  This is why the Prophet told those who asked to be in his company in Paradise: "Help me in this by keeping up abundant prayer." He wanted to tie their aspirations in with constancy, resolve, and effort. 

Supplication affirms the trust that we have in God.  The Prophet said: "Pray to God, being certain that He will answer you."[2]  It is also an expression of our inner selves.  It expresses our magnanimity, our faith, and our values, especially when we beseech God on behalf of others.  Beseeching God gets us in the habit of doing so for others, which in turn instills in our hearts the qualities of generosity, love, and deeper faith. islamreligion.com

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FOOTNOTES:

[1]Sunan al-Tirmidhi

[2]Sunan al-Tirmidhi