A woman is married for four reasons

It was narrated on the authority of Abu Hurayrah, may Allah be pleased with him, that the Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said: “A woman is married for four (reasons): her wealth, noble ancestry, beauty and religion. Choose the religious woman lest your hand is stuck to dust (because of destitution).” [Al-Bukhaari and Muslim]

Noble ancestry results from the good deeds of a man and his forefathers. However, it is construed as wealth in a Marfoo‘ Hadeeth (a narration that is directly attributed to the Prophet, sallallahu 'alayhi wa sallam, including his words, acts, or explicit approval, regardless of the condition of its chain of narrators). It was narrated by At-Tirmithi who renders it as Hasan (good) on the authority of Samurah, may Allah be pleased with him: “Noble ancestry results from wealth, and honor from piety.”

However, wealth is not the intended meaning in this particular Hadeeth (narration), for it is mentioned separately along with it, and this indicates that the former meaning is intended.

Thesaying: “…lest your hand is stuck to dust (because of destitution)” is customary speech; thereby the Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, did not intend a supplication.

Shaykh Ibn ‘Uthaymeen, may Allah have mercy upon him, said, "A marriageable woman should have these two merits; I mean the woman who is characterized by both physical and spiritual beauty."

Physical beauty means the perfection of features, for the more the woman appears beautiful and articulate, the more the eye is comforted by looking at her, and the ear pays attention to her speech, causing the heart to open to her, the breast to expand for her, and the soul to find tranquility in her, in realization of the statement of Allah The Almighty (which means): {And of His signs is that He created for you from yourselves mates that you may find tranquility in them; and He placed between you affection and mercy.} [Quran 30:21] 

On the other hand, spiritual beauty means the perfection of religion and moral character. The more the woman is religious and perfect in moral character, the lovelier she becomes, and the safer the expected outcome is (in case of marriage). A religious woman always complies with the commands of Allah The Almighty, guards her husband’s rights, honor, children and wealth, and helps him obey Allaah The Almighty whenever she reminds him, and whenever he slackens (in worship), she motivates him, and whenever he grows angry, she pleases him.

Furthermore, a righteous woman always shows affection and respect for her husband, does not delay what he likes her to hasten to, nor hastens to what he does not like her to do. When the Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, was asked about which woman is good, he said: “She who pleases her husband whenever he looks at her, obeys him whenever he orders her, and does not oppose him in herself and his property with what he dislikes.” [Ahmad and An-Nasaa’i]

The Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, further said: “Marry an affectionate woman who gives birth to many children, for I will vie in glory with the prophets (or he said with the other nations) because of your number (on the Day of Judgment).”[Abu Daawood and An-Nasaa’i]

If it were possible to have a woman who combines both external and internal beauty, that is the perfect combination that brings about happiness and felicity, by the help of Allah The Almighty. [Kitaab Az-Zawaaj]

The Hadeeth indicates that what leads men to marry a woman is one of those four things, with religion being the last in their priorities. Thus, the Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, commanded them not to turn from the religious woman once they find her.

Al-Qaadhi, may Allah have mercy upon him, said, “It is the nature of men to have desire for women, and choose such of them as has one of those characteristics, although it is fitting for those with chivalry and religion to make religion the centre of their attention in what they get and leave, particularly in such permanent and serious matters (as marriage).” [Tuhfat Al-Ahwathi]

The Hadeeth also indicates that to enjoy the company of religious people is preferable in all things, for the one who does so benefits from their good morals, blessings, and manners. Special emphasis is placed here on the wife, as she is more entitled to be given priority on the basis of her piety, for she is the person with whom he spends the most time at home, the mother of his children and the trustworthy curator of his property, house and honor. -islamweb.net

Push Your Husband Towards Success

It is said that behind every great man there is a great woman. Have you ever thought of being that great woman who makes a great man of her husband? Many women wish to do so, but only a few of them endeavor to fulfill that precious wish in a practical way. In the following lines, we shall try to help you and your husband on to the way of success. We shall offer you the secrets of success and tell you what you are expected to do to make these possible and easy for your husband. The relevant source is a book written by Mr. ‘Aadil Fat’hi ‘Abdullaah about how the wife can push her husband towards success.

- Always remind your husband to have a righteous intention in every deed. Do not drive him into doing something that is beyond his capacity. If you do so, he might resort to unlawful or doubtful means to fulfill your requests. Let your constant advice to your husband be that of the righteous woman who said to her husband, "Fear Allah in treating us, and do not feed us except lawfully earned sustenance, for we can endure hunger in life, but we cannot endure Hell in the Hereafter."

- Be realistic in setting your goals. If you find your husband setting imaginary goals, draw him gently back to reality. Follow the gradual approach in setting and achieving goals. A great goal can be divided into smaller ones, and whenever a minor goal is achieved, help your husband with the following one, and so on. Do not be hasty in achieving these goals, and do not hesitate to give up some of the things that you want for yourself for the sake of your family’s welfare.

- As long as the goals are set, there should be sound and disciplined planning to achieve them. The success of this rests on complete knowledge of the nature of work. Thereby, you should provide your husband with the suitable environment to help him achieve the task of planning for work with peace of mind. Help him to count all that he needs to achieve the task that he is working on, and help him set a five-year plan to achieve something important for the family every five years.

- AllahThe Almighty orders us to do our work well and with perfection in all conditions and under all circumstances. Also, the Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said: “Indeed, Allah loves that when any one of you does something, he does it perfectly.” Hence, help your husband and encourage him to attain perfection.

- Help your husband to have self-confidence by praising his good qualities, reminding him of his successful achievements either during or before your marriage and by discovering his talents. Many people are quite unaware of their talents, and know them by virtue of others. As you are the closest person to him, you can help him discover his negative qualities and try to discuss and treat them. Do not forget to offer your advice in a beautiful and gentle manner.

- Always remember that life is made up of time, and that good utilization of time is one of the tasks that lead to success. To have well-managed time, you should prepare visits to your relatives and friends far in advance, and do not use such visits as a chance to waste time. Internal family problems, like the children's simple troubles, should be settled without wasting your husband's time. You can relieve him of some burdens by buying the household needs, so that you can save him time to resume his work or to rest. You may utilize the time wasted in chatting on the phone and watching television in helping your husband as much as you can.

- Any success in life is devoid of blessing unless it is associated with good deeds. We are not talking here about the obligations that Allah The Almighty enjoins upon us, for the necessity to observe them is obvious. We mean the voluntary acts of worship, charity and acts of kindness done by Muslims as they seek to be close to Allah The Almighty. Psychologists, even those who are Western, acknowledge the great effects of doing good deeds on the souls, pushing them towards success. Good deeds give peace of mind and great happiness. Therefore, you should kindly push your husband towards doing all sorts of good deeds.

- Many people work in many different fields and do many things which end up being worthless. Their time is wasted because of one simple reason, they never complete a task. There are many tasks which are either completed or left incomplete. Hence, help your husband to adopt an attitude of perseverance to achieve his tasks by not insisting that he fulfills your demands that are beyond his capacity. Such insistence might cause him to move to another kind of work without achieving anything in his previous one thus, losing success in both.

- Life is never free of difficulties and obstacles. However, the sound mind that proceeds on the way of success is always driven by high aspirations to overcome the obstacles and deal patiently with misfortunes. Allah The Almighty addresses the Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, Saying (what means): {O you who covers himself [with a garment], Arise and warn, And your Lord glorify, And your clothing purify, And uncleanliness avoid, and do not confer favor to acquire more.} [Quran 74:1-7]

It is a divine call to wake up and struggle to construct life. To make your husband highly motivated, you should be highly motivated yourself.

- You should know that man needs nothing more in his life than patience. The Prophet,sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, said: “And know that victory comes with patience, relief with affliction, and ease with hardship.”

Thus, patience is the way to achieve the pursued goal. To be patient is not only to endure adversities, but also to make no complaints except to Allah The Almighty. With this sort of patience, one should neither be restless nor discontented. Patience should always be joined with being content with the divine decree and confidence in what is with Allah The Almighty. This is always better and more lasting.

Futile Success

- In conclusion, you should be certain of the fact that not all successful people are happy. There are successful people whom we believe to be very happy, when in reality they are miserable and wish to get rid of all of their success, in exchange of a moment’s happiness. Success that is achieved at the expense of one's physical, psychological and moral health is indeed destructive. Failure is better than this kind of success. Therefore, be careful not to push your husband to succeed in something that will cost him more than failure does.

Life is a balance between many things, and any disturbance in this balance will lead to troubles, failure and loss. This balance can never be illustrated better than by the Prophet, sallallaahu ‘alayhi wa sallam, who said: “Your Lord has a right on you, and your family has a right on you, and your self has a right on you; so give each his due right.”   -islamweb.net

How the Qur'an Teaches People about Allah

The Qur'ân presents us with an approach to teaching the essential tenets of faith that has the ability to strengthen a person's character and contribute in a positive way to the person's emotional and mental development. Exploring the Qur'ân's approach to teaching these beliefs can help us in conveying the essence of our faith in the best possible way. 

A Muslim's belief is established upon six essential tenets: belief in Allah, His angels, His scriptures, His messengers, the Day of Judgment, and Divine Decree. 

These beliefs were set forth in the famous hadîth where the angel Gabriel came to the Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) and asked him: "What is belief?" to which the Prophet replied: "It is to believe in Allah, His angels, His scriptures, his Messengers, the Last Day, and Divine Decree." 

This hadîth is the basis upon which the beliefs of a Muslim are built, and we will take it as the framework for our discussion.

Belief in Allah

The Qur'ân speaks about Allah in a most distinctive and effective way. Instead of a dry discourse, it tells us about Allah through a depiction of His actions in the created world. It speaks about the creation of the human being, the formation of the heavens and the Earth, day and night, the Sun, the Moon and the stars. It also talks about His attributes – like His omnipotence, knowledge, mercy, hearing, and sight – in the context of discussing the signs in creation and matters of the seen and unseen. 

This approach has a positive effect on a believer's psychological development. To clarify this, we will look at just one example – how the Qur'ân discusses the creation of the human being. 

The Qur'ân tells us that Allah created the human being from clay: " We created the human being from a quintessence of clay." [Sûrah al-Mu'minûn: 12] 

We are also told how Allah appointed the human being to be a vicegerent on Earth, and that when He informed the angels of this, they asked him why this creation deserves such a status: 

Behold, when your Lord said to the angels: "I will create a vicegerent on earth." They said: "Will You place therein one who will make mischief therein and shed blood?- while we celebrate Your praises and glorify Your holy name?" He said: "I know what you know not." [Sûrah al-Baqarah: 30] 

We are then told how the angels were commanded to bow before Adam: "We created you, then We fashioned you. Then we said to the angels: 'Prostrate to Adam.' They all did so except for Satan. He was not among those who prostrated." [Sûrah al-Ahzâb: 11] 

Allah tells us how he created for Adam a mate: "And among His signs is this, that He created for you mates from among yourselves, that ye may dwell in tranquility with them, and He has put love and mercy between your (hearts): verily in this are signs for those who reflect." [Sûrah Rûm: 21] 

The Qur'ân speaks about how Allah blessed the human being with the gifts of hearing, sight, and a discerning heart: "He it is Who hath created for you ears and eyes and hearts. Small thanks you give!" [Sûrah al-Mu'minûn: 78] 

"Say (unto them, O Muhammad): He it is who gave you being, and has assigned unto you ears and eyes and hearts. Small thanks you give!" [Sûrah al-Mulk: 23] 

"And Allah brought you forth from the wombs of your mothers knowing nothing, and gave you hearing and sight and hearts that perhaps you might give thanks." [Sûrah al-Nahl: 78] 

The Qur'ân tells us that Allah submitted what is in the Earth and the sea to the human being, and even brough the Sun and Moon into the service of human welfare: 

"And He has constrained the night and the day and the Sun and the Moon to be of service unto you, and the stars are made subservient by His command. Lo! Herein indeed are portents for people who have sense. And whatsoever He has created for you in the earth of diverse hues, lo! therein is indeed a portent for people who take heed. And He it is Who constrained the sea to be of service that you eat from it fresh meat and bring forth from it ornaments which you wear. And you see the ships plowing it that you may seek of His bounty and that perhaps you may give thanks." [Sûrah al-Nahl: 12-14] 

When a Muslim considers these truths about his creation and contemplates on how different he is from the inert matter from which he came, his heart and mind naturally turn to the glorification of Allah. When a Muslim considers how he has been chosen from among all creation to be vicegerent on Earth, and how Allah has honored him by having the angels prostrate before Adam, he naturally glorifies Allah and thanks Him for the immensity of that honor. When the Muslim regards his hearing, sight, and discerning heart as being Allah's gifts, and the act that we have mates to give us comfort, this inspires the Muslim with love for Allah. The Muslim, furthermore, hopes from Allah to continue to provide these blessings. 

When the Muslim considers how Allah has placed even the motions of the Earth, the Sun, and the Moon in his service – when he considers how Allah has allowed us to cultivate the Earth and to sail the seas and reap its many bounties – this inspires the Muslim to glorify Allah even more and to place his hopes in Allah all the more strongly.

Belief in the Angels

The Qur'ân takes an equally unique approach to discussing each of the other articles of faith, one that enriches the hearts and minds of the believers. These matters of belief are always presented in the context of tangible events that demonstrate Allah's omnipotence, mercy, and might. 

With respect to the angels, we are told that they were created from light. Some of them bear the throne, and constantly glorify Allah. We are told that they witness the believers in their prayers, that they attend the Friday prayers with the human beings. 

We are informed that there is an angel who is the custodian of the Fire, that there is an angel of death who takes forth our souls when we die. We are told that angels are always tending to humanity and protecting them by Allah's command. 

When a Muslim reads about these matters in the Qur'ân and the authentic Sunnah, and is sure in his belief, this inspires the Muslim to glorify Allah even more. Moreover, the believer feels love for the angels, since he knows that they are always seeking our forgiveness, that they witness our prayers. Our love for Allah grows as well when we consider that it is He who brought these magnificent creations of light into being and has them remain in our presence protecting us.

Belief in the Scriptures

The Qur'ân mentions by name some of the scriptures that Allah has revealed to humanity. There are the scrolls that were revealed to Abraham, the Torah which was revealed to Moses, the Psalms of David, the Gospel that was revealed to Jesus, and the Qur'ân which was revealed to Muhammad – peace be upon all of the messengers. 

The Qur'ân praises the earlier scriptures in a number of its verses. It also describes itself in the best of terms, affirming itself as a light and a powerful source of guidance. 

There can be no doubt that belief in the scriptures as presented in the Qur'ân and Sunnah bolsters the believer's reverence and love for Allah, since it is Allah who revealed those scriptures and through them guided humanity to what is good for them in this world and the next. It is Allah who lighted our way.

Belief in the Messengers

The Qur'ân and Sunnah tell us that Allah sent prophets and messengers to many different nations and peoples. The stories of a number of these prophets are given to us in great detail. We are told about their lives, their missions, their miracles, and the challenges that they faced. We learn about how they were rejected by their people and how Allah saved them and made them triumph over those who opposed them. There is scarcely a chapter of the Qur'ân that does not mention something about one of the prophets. 

This approach to teaching the Muslims' belief in Allah's prophets and messengers plays a vital role in developing the character of the believers. The messengers were sent by Allah to be living examples of how to lead a righteous life. Muslims seek to inculcate into their personalities the exemplary mode of conduct and the impeccable behavior of the messengers. In turn, this leads to a greater reverence for Allah who sent those messengers to be our guides. 

The stories of the prophets instill in us the qualities of hope and optimism. We look forward to Allah's help in our righteous endeavors, no matter how much hardship we might face. This is because we read how the prophets, after shouldering great responsibilities and facing enormous obstacles, were always helped by Allah in the end. 

The reader of these stories develops a strong sense of kinship for the prophets and identifies with them. By walking in their footsteps, the believer is protected from succumbing to feelings of alienation with respect to his or her faith.

Belief in the Last Day

The Qur'ân, along with the Sunnah, provides us with considerable details about the Last Day. Starting individual's final day on Earth, we are taught about the intoxication of death and being placed in our graves. Then the sacred texts speak about the resurrection, the gathering of the people for the judgment, and then the ultimate destinations of Heaven and Hell. 

It is clear from the texts that the reason these matters are mentioned in such detail is to inspire in the believers the fear of Allah's punishment and the hope for His reard.

Belief in Divine Decree

Everything that happens in Creation takes place in accordance with Allah's knowledge and power. It is all recorded in the sacred tablet before the creation of the heavens and the Earth. These beliefs, presented in their simplicity, inspire trust in Allah.

Conclusion

The Qur'ân and Sunnah always speak about matters faith in the context of the tangible world and human life. They do not offer dry discourses on faith. They do not present intellectual abstractions or delve into philosophical explorations. The sacred texts do not pose intellectual exercises to prove Allah's existence, like Muslim theologians were later to do. 

This simple, straightforward approach to faith is one that is practical and relevant to the people. It is an approach that fortifies belief and strengthens character. -islamtoday.net

Islam on dowry

The Real Gift 

Islam has legislated the giving of the dower by the husband to the wife in order to please the woman’s heart and to honour her. It is also meant to bring an end to what was done in the Days of Ignorance wherein she was wronged, exploited, despised and robbed of her wealth. The dower is a right exclusively for the wife. It is her possession and none of her guardians or relatives may share any part of it. No one has any power over her concerning how she wishes to dispose of it, as long as she does so in a legally acceptable manner. She may give it away as a gift, she may lend it to others or she may give it in charity or do any other permissible acts she wishes with it.   

The dower was instituted because the goal of marriage is not the actual act of the marriage contract in itself. In fact, the actual purpose of marriage cannot be achieved unless the spouses stay in a state of marriage. However, that may not be achieved unless the dower is an obligation at the time of the marriage contract itself. In this case, when there come times that may lead the man to divorce his wife, such as estrangement or coarse behaviour, the husband would not be willing to divorce his wife due to just the slightest act of rudeness that occurs. If it were not for the dower that was required due to the contract itself, it would be very easy for him to leave her.

Therefore, the goals of marriage would not be met as the goals and benefits of marriage are only met when the two are in accord and agreement with one another but that accord will not come about unless the woman is something honoured and special to the husband. But such honour will not come about unless he had to give up something important to him. This is because what is most difficult to achieve is most special to the person. Therefore, if the wife is not something special in the eyes of the husband, then he will dispose of her at the first sign of unhappiness, the accord will not occur and the purposes of marriage will not be achieved.

What we see happening in some European countries, and indeed some Muslim countries, is very strange indeed. This is where the woman is required to furnish a dowry or provide the furniture for their future house. This is definitely turning the natural order of things upside down and goes against the nature of mankind. It leads to a great deal of social ills and behavioural harm. It is a means by which the woman is despised and belittled. Indeed, she is ruined because of it. If the woman is not able to gather enough wealth together for marriage, she will not be able to get married and, instead, will have boyfriends and affairs, and other evil results.

Such a practice contains a great deal of evil and harm for the society; this practice may even bring about society’s end soon. There is a great difference between the case where the woman feels that she and what she possesses belong to her husband and where she feels that she is something desired and honoured, as the fiancé spends money on her and gives her presents and so on to get her as his wife.

One regrettable aspect of dowry-giving in recent times is that it is becoming more and more a matter of ostentation. Nothing could be more un-Islamic in motivation than this. Even the practice of performing a marriage quietly, without any flamboyant display of wealth, but subsequently giving a lavish dowry to enable the bride to set up her home is contrary to Islamic practice. It was certainly not the Sunnah of the Prophet  . Faatimah  was his favourite daughter, but he neither gave her a lavish dowry nor did he send things to her home after the wedding, and even when she  made a request to him for something of a material nature, he only gave her the benefit of his counsel.

Mahr (The Dower)

Islam has successfully maintained an even balance in society between men and women by giving its unequivocal endorsement to a practical division of labour, whereby women are placed in charge of the internal arrangement of the household, while men are responsible for its financing. The home is thus organised on the pattern of a microcosmic estate, with the man in a position of authority. The Quran is specified on this issue; Allah Says (what means): “Men are in charge of women by [right of] what [qualities] Allah has given one over the other and what they spend [in support] from their wealth. So righteous women are devoutly obedient, guarding in [the husband's] absence what Allah would have them guard…”[Quran 4:34]

For largely biological reasons, women are well adapted to domestic pursuits while men, for similar reasons, are better suited to work outside the home. These physical and mental differences between men and women are, in practice, what underlay Islam’s division of familial responsibilities into internal and external spheres, with the woman dealing exclusively with the home and family and the man providing the funds.

Mahr Mu’ajjal (Promptly given dower)

At the time of the marriage, the groom hands over to the bride a sum of money called Mahr (dower) which is a token of his willing acceptance of the responsibility of bearing all necessary expenses of his wife. This is the original meaning of Mahr, although this custom has come to have different connotations in modern times.

There are two ways of presenting the Mahr to the bride. One is to hand it over at the time of the marriage, in which case it is known as Mahr Mu’ajjal, or promptly given dower. During the time of the Prophet  and his companions, Mahr Mu’ajjal was the accepted practice and the amount fixed was generally quite minimal. The giving of Mahr by ‘Ali  to Faatimah  who was the Prophet’s daughter, is an illustration of how this custom was respected. After the marriage had been arranged, the Prophet  asked ‘Ali if he had anything he could give as dower in order to make Faatimah his lawfully wedded wife. ‘Ali replied: "I swear by Allah that I have nothing, O Messenger of Allah.” The Prophet  then asked:“Where is the coat of armour I once gave you?” ‘Ali  replied that it was still in his possession. The Prophet  then instructed him to send the coat of armour to Faatimah  thereby making his union lawful. This then was the sum total of Faatimah’s dower. -islamweb.net

How Do Muslims Treat the Elderly?

In the Islamic world, one rarely finds “old people’s homes.”  The strain of caring for one’s parents in this most difficult time of their lives is considered an honor and a blessing and an opportunity for great spiritual growth.  In Islam, it is not enough that we only pray for our parents, but we should act with limitless compassion, remembering that when we were helpless children, they preferred us to themselves.  Mothers are particularly honored.  When Muslim parents reach old age, they are treated mercifully, with kindness and selflessness.

In Islam, serving one’s parents is a duty second to prayer, and it is their right to expect it.  It is considered despicable to express any irritation when, through no fault of their own, the old become difficult.

God has said:

“Your Lord has commanded that you worship none but Him, and that you be kind to your parents.  If one of them or both of them reach old age with you, do not say to them a word of disrespect, or scold them, but say a generous word to them.  And act humbly to them in mercy, and say, ‘My Lord, have mercy on them, since they cared for me when I was small.’” (Quran 17:23-24)

-islamreligion.com