MyISLAM

Saturday, 21 December 2024

May I Celebrate Christmas With My Non-Muslim Family?

No Social Isolation

May Allah the Almighty help you get accustomed to this new life and abide by the rules of this religion, revealed to guide mankind.

Islam does not demand that Muslims live in social isolation; rather it urges us to be interactive and proactive.

Islam requires every Muslim to be a good example and a means for Islam’s light to reach others.

That is why we see that as it stretches its arm to embrace every newcomer, welcoming him/her to its fold, Islam covers that person with its radiating light.

But it does not cut off his/her relations with others.

The Importance Of Maintaining Healthy Family Ties

A key part of spreading the beauty of Islam is the Muslim’s relation with his non-Muslim family, relatives, friends, neighbors, etc.

He should deal with them on the basis of justice and righteousness.

Your conversion to Islam does not cut your family bonds, especially to your parents. You must still care for them and pray for their guidance.

You never know, perhaps Allah will make you the cause of their embracing Islam.

We need to strengthen our relations with all people for through this we will be able to reach out to them, conveying Allah’s message and trying to make them understand Islam.

To Celebrate Or Not to Celebrate?

So this means that Muslims are allowed to share with non-Muslims in their joyous occasions, wishing them happy holidays.

You may even send greeting cards to your Christian friends, relatives or neighbors.

If they give you gifts, you should thank them and accept them with good cheer and should also remember them at the times of Islamic holidays.

Therefore, there is nothing in Islam that prevents you from being with your family during Christmas, at least to show them that you are part and parcel of them even after your conversion to Islam.

You said that your family is partially religious, in the sense that they strongly believe in God.

This means that they are likely to get attracted towards Islam.

But maybe the only person that can do so is you, through the wise and calm methods you adopt in presenting your ideas.

Striking a Balance

However, I need to make it clear to you that you are not allowed to go beyond sharing your family’s joyous mood of the feast, for you are not allowed to celebrate Christmas with them.

You have to make them understand that your presence with them means a lot to you, yet you cannot return to old habits, like drinking and dancing.

They should know you expect them to respect that.

Try to draw them to the awareness that since you have chosen Islam as a way of life you must not do anything that contradicts the principles of your religion.

You should be clear with your family that your attendance is in order to be with the family, that your belief in Jesus is firmly according to Islamic teachings and that, were it not for being with the family, you would not be doing anything special to mark Christmas day.

Your presence with them will also be valued in addition to sending them greeting cards and exchanging gifts with them.

But you must make sure that the gifts you send do not amount to something forbidden in your religion, like wine, etc.

Showing compliments and felicitation here, must not collide with the principles of your religion.

The “Don’t Imitate Non-Muslims” Point

So, from this, scholars have deduced a juristic ruling that Muslims must not celebrate festivals or holidays that are for non-Muslims.

They emphasize that Islam suffices Muslims.

This is based on the hadith of the Prophet (peace be upon him) in which he says:

“He who imitates others is reckoned as one of them.” (Abu Dawud)

To be clear: it’s not ok for Muslims to participate in any of the religious aspects of Christmas.

Your family may find this odd in the beginning, especially as it will be the first Christmas they will celebrate without you actively participating.

But as time goes on, I am sure they will understand. - aboutislam.net

Friday, 20 December 2024

Husband Forces Me to Accept Polygamy

What I can say is that it is never okay for a man to threaten his wife with polygamy. Polygamy is a very serious matter, one which should never be taken lightly, as a joke, or as a threat.

It is a serious responsibility for any man who pursues it, and the consequences of being unjust are severe.

It was narrated from Abu Hurayrah that the Prophet (peace and blessings of Allaah be upon him) said:

“Whoever has two wives and leans towards (i.e. favours) one of them (over the other), will come on the Day of Resurrection with half of his body leaning.”^[1]

Even if it was a condition of your marriage to accept polygamy, you always have the right to opt out of that marriage by seeking a divorce.

Islam does not give anyone the right to force you to remain in a marriage against your will, especially if it is with regards to a matter that you know is detrimental to you.

Even if he does not give you a talaq, you are allowed to pursue a khul’. I do recommend seeking out an imam who will listen to you carefully, who will consider your own Islamic rights in this situation and will not be biased or one-sided against you.

Khul’ is a process by which the wife returns her mahr, or negotiates with the husband to return another amount, in exchange for leaving the marriage.

The Messenger of Allah (sallAllahu ‘alayhi wa sallam) sanctioned this even in the case of a woman who simply could no longer bear being with her husband, despite his own good character.

Narrated Ibn `Abbas:

The wife of Thabit bin Qais came to the Prophet (ﷺ) and said, “O Allah’s Messenger (ﷺ)! I do not blame Thabit for defects in his character or his religion, but I, being a Muslim, dislike to behave in un-Islamic manner (if I remain with him).” On that Allah’s Messenger (ﷺ) said (to her), “Will you give back the garden which your husband has given you (as Mahr)?” She said, “Yes.” Then the Prophet (ﷺ) said to Thabit, “O Thabit! Accept your garden, and divorce her once.”^[2]

With regards to considering leaving Islam, please know that while your husband may be treating you in a manner that is unacceptable, this is not Islam’s fault!

Islam is about much more than polygamy; rather, it is about your personal relationship with your Creator.

Above and beyond all things, the most important thing in this world is to worship Allah, to love Him, and to obey Him. The very purpose of our lives is to worship Allah.

{And I did not create the jinn and mankind except to worship Me.} (Qur’an 51:56)

Our relationship with Allah should never be dependent on other people – people can and will disappoint you, but that is on them.

Rather than thinking that leaving Islam is a solution to your current issues, focus on a pro-active, spiritually healthy way of dealing with your situation.

Strengthening your connection to Allah, turning to Him in worship and love, asking for His Mercy and His help in this difficult time, will all help you emerge stronger, happier, and healthier from your circumstances.

Allah reminds us: {And seek help through patience and prayer…} (Qur’an 2:45)

It is only with Allah’s help that we can ever hope to find peace and contentment. Thus, while I absolutely encourage you to do what is necessary to remove yourself from a clearly toxic situation, I urge you to turn to Allah rather than away from Him.

Please don’t allow a human being to poison your relationship with your Lord and Creator! Instead, look for Muslims who exemplify the beauty of Islam, who remind you of Allah in the most beautiful ways, and who will support you and encourage you through this difficult time.

It is also worth remembering that not all Muslim men are abusive or will demand polygamy. There are many, many wonderful Muslim men of upstanding character, who are loving, kind, and compassionate, and are perfectly happy with monogamy.

These men are not quite as rare as it may sometimes to be, either! Always remember to ask Allah for a spouse who will be your partner in worshipping Him, who will love you and care for you, and who will show you what a truly excellent Muslim man is.

I pray that you are able to find a resolution to your problems, that Allah protects you from further distress, and that you are able to live a joyous and fulfilling life filled with love for Allah. May He guide you to what is best for you, and ease your affairs,

- aboutislam.net

Thursday, 19 December 2024

Dangers Of Jealousy (Powerful)

This is a powerful reminder from Abdullah Hakim Quick on the dangers of jealousy, giving us a strong advice on jealousy and arrogance. The Prophet (SAW) also warned us “to be careful of hasad (jealousy)”. Let us be humble and remember where we came from, and where we are returning to. - aboutislam.net

Wednesday, 18 December 2024

Is Selling Pictures Online Haram?

Photography today is a medium of communication. So, if you are a professional photographer and you want to sell what you produce, there is nothing un-Islamic about it.

You are merely earning your living through honest work – provided, of course, the pictures are in no way lewd or promoting vices or encouraging nudity.

So, if you are taking pictures of nature and landscapes, there is nothing questionable about it.

Almighty Allah knows best.

Tuesday, 17 December 2024

Why Nagging Is One of the Most Common Marriage Killers

Once, I was speaking to an elderly lady over the phone.

She loved talking and was going on about something or other when suddenly there was an interruption.

She was scolding someone, and quite rudely. Then she turned her attention back to me and said,

“It’s my husband. He just made the bed, and guess what? One side of the bedsheet is longer than the other.”

Can you imagine? I just don’t know what to do with this man. He will never learn.

I didn’t know what to say. She obviously thought it was normal behavior to treat her husband like a naughty toddler.

I witnessed the woman treating her husband like that several more times.

It seemed to be something she’d been doing for a long time, a regular practice on her part. And he, dear soul, didn’t retort.

But it definitely had an effect on him. It has crushed his personality.

He will never learn how to make his bed perfectly. You know why?

Because it isn’t important to him. He’s a sports teacher and has much more important things he’d like to learn to perfection rather than making his bed. The question is, will she never learn this?

How do we treat our husbands? Oftentimes, the wife isn’t the best person to answer this question.

Like the elderly wife, many of us don’t realize when we are behaving rudely. Sometimes we aren’t clear about what constitutes rudeness.

If you want an honest answer to the question, the best person to ask is the husband himself.

Nagging Kills Your Marriage

Nagging is one of the most common ways that women sour their marriages.

Sometimes the wife doesn’t even realize that it’s the nagging that killed her marriage.

At other times, she does realize it’s a problem, but still can’t control it because it’s become a compulsion.

Why do we nag? What makes a wife repeatedly badger her husband? Let’s look at a hypothetical situation to find out.

Suppose a wife tells her husband to mend a leaky faucet. He forgets, and she reminds him the next day. He forgets again.

This time when she reminds him, there’s a slight tone of annoyance in her voice.

He notices it and is determined to fix it tomorrow. But he’s a busy man.

He stayed late in the office that day. He decides to fix the pesky faucet on the weekend. He remains busy all week.

He’s exhausted and sleeps it off during the weekend. The faucet completely leaks out of his mind.

A week passes and the faucet remains as leaky as before. Now she gets exasperated. “How many times can a person forget?”

Enter Shaytan: “Do you know why your husband keeps forgetting? Because he doesn’t think you’re important. Because he doesn’t love you. He thinks you’re worthless. Which means that you are worthless.”

Now it’s not a matter of loss of water anymore. It’s a matter of loss of self-worth.

She wants to prove her self-worth, and so she wants her husband to fix the faucet asap.

She keeps reminding him of it. She calls him at his office and reminds him of it. “If you don’t fix the faucet tonight….”

Still, he goes home exhausted after work and doesn’t remember anything except dinner.

“See, he doesn’t respect you.”

“If he doesn’t respect me, why should I respect him?“

Respect goes out of the equation. Now her nagging levels are up. She wants her respect back by any means necessary.

She resorts to sarcasm. “Someone’s brain is leakier than the faucet.”

The husband notices the change in her attitude. He retorts by changing his. And it’s a downward spiral of anger, bitterness, and destruction.

Iblis places his throne upon water. He then sends detachments (for creating dissension); the nearer to him in rank are those who are most notorious in creating dissension. One of them comes and says: “I did so and so.” And he says: “You have done nothing.” Then one amongst them comes and says: “I did not spare so and so until I sowed the seed of discord between a husband and a wife.” The Satan goes near him and says: “You have done well.” -The Prophet Mohammed, reported by Jabir (Muslim)

This is just an example of how Shaytan operates. He customizes his strategies according to the individual weaknesses of a person.

If someone already suffers from low self-esteem, he’ll use this weakness as a weapon.

For someone whose problem is perfectionism, he’ll bring her husband’s imperfections into the spotlight for her.

How to Stop Nagging

1 – Seek protection in Allah from Shaytan. This will help dispel your anger and clear your mind.

2 – Think. Allah asks us repeatedly in the Quran to do just that – think. Why? Because that’s what makes us different from animals.

That’s what protects us from Shaytan’s whispers – clear thinking. And that’s what Shaytan doesn’t want us to do.

So stop a moment and try to think about the situation objectively. Is your behavior toward your husband really what he deserves? Or are you acting on Shaytan’s advice?

3 – Cultivate thankfulness towards your husband. He’s a human being, and he’s not perfect.

Neither are you. Can you overlook his shortcomings and focus on the good he brings into your life?

4 – Remove the object of your nagging. Can the leaky faucet be fixed by someone else? Can you call in a plumber? Can you buy a new faucet and fix it yourself?

5 – If all else fails, ask yourself– Can I live with this? Is this issue more important to me than peace in my marriage?

6 – Take care of yourself. Nourish your body and soul. Nurture your own self-esteem and self-confidence.

When you have a healthy mind, body, and soul, you won’t need others, even your husband, to be your source of respect and confidence. Allah will be enough for you.

But What About Men?

Do men nag? Men are the leaders of the household, and as such, theoretically at least, they don’t usually nag.

After making a request once or twice, they usually resort to some other means of getting their way or expressing their anger rather than nagging, such as the silent treatment, making derogatory judgments, or emotional withdrawal.

Nonetheless, nagging husbands do exist, and the above points will perhaps equally apply to them.

However, I believe that among the main bad habits that wives typically accuse their husbands of, nagging is perhaps not one of them.

***

- aboutislam.net

Monday, 16 December 2024

Can Muslims Have Fun?

Perhaps one of the greatest misconceptions people have about Islam is that Muslims can’t have fun.

Ask a random selection of people to come up with five words that describe Muslims, and I’m sure “fun” won’t be on the list! Muslims, too, need to examine their own understanding of what it means to be Muslim.

During the summer, then, how are we to behave? What are we to do to have fun, without compromising ourselves and our beliefs?

Islam sets certain standards for us, but these don’t have to be burdens upon our shoulders, making us stay at home while our friends are out enjoying themselves.

As ever, Islam is about moderation and about enjoying all things within proper limits.

During the summer, then, we can have fun like anyone else and still maintain the good behavior and manners that Almighty Allah requires of us.

All of these rules that Islam sets for us are for our own good. Almighty Allah knows us better than we know ourselves.

Follow the Instructions

When you get a new electronic gadget, like a digital audio player or a new mobile phone, you would be very foolish if you threw away the instruction booklet.

It’s tempting to rip open the box and start using the new gadget straight away, throwing away the instructions, but we do so at our own peril. Following the maker’s instructions is very important.

As Muslims, we need to do the same. We need to follow the Maker’s instructions. Allah has created us from nothing and He knows everything we need. How foolish we would be if we didn’t listen to the instructions He has given us.

These instructions are found in the Qur’an and in the Sunnah of our Prophet (peace and blessings be upon him), and they are there for our happiness.

Not living according to the rules of Islam makes us prey to all the unhappiness we see around us.

The broken marriages, teenage pregnancies, drink and drug addictions, and high levels of suicide all come from not following the Maker’s instructions in this world.

However, if we do care about the way we behave and we try to live according to the ways of Islam, we can still enjoy life to the full and have great happiness without overstepping the limits.

Good Friends, Good Fun

What can we do in the summer, then? Well, as long as we are careful and keep in mind the way we Muslims should behave, we can do almost the same as anyone else.

Going to the park or going skating, rollerblading, or swimming are all perfectly acceptable, as long as we don’t let them overtake us, leading us to do things that are out of bounds.

What do I mean by that? Well, in going swimming, for instance, we need to dress properly in a decent way and to avoid some of the foolish behavior with members of the opposite sex that leads us on to actions that are out of limits.

If we go swimming, we go swimming, not flirting! If we go to the park, we go with friends and we are not out to look for boyfriends or girlfriends!

There are many clubs and camps during the summer, especially those arranged by Muslim youth organizations, which exist to provide, among other things, plenty of opportunities for fun, without putting us in harm’s way. As well as opportunities for sport and leisure, there are also chances to meet other Muslims and to discuss with one another what it means to be Muslim in today’s world.

Having good Muslim friends is one of the surest ways of being able to live as a good Muslim.

The environment in some of these summer camps is really helpful in teaching us more about Islam and it’s a good way to make new friendships.

At home, sometimes it’s difficult to make the kind of friendships we really need to live as good Muslims, but great and lasting friendships often come out of these summer camps.

The important thing is to make the most of the summer. Don’t let it pass you by, so that when it’s time to return to school or college at the end of the summer, you look back and wonder what you did with all that free time.

Plan how you’re going to spend your time; so much time for sport, so much for being with friends, and so on. It’s easier to plan if you take it slowly, day by day.

Don’t let the sun go down on any of your summer days without having achieved something good. Don’t waste your time. Each night, decide what you’re going to do the following day.

Have Fun and Behave Good

Since you have so much free time on your hands, why not use some of it for Allah’s sake? Try going to the mosque for some of the prayers, for example.

Why not arrange with friends to go together, before going to the park? Why not use the mosque as the place you all meet together before going out? If you’re going in a group to the cinema, why not all perform the Sunset Prayer together first?

When you are at the mosque, ask the imam if there is anything a group of you can do to help out, either at the mosque itself or in the local Muslim community.

If the mosque doesn’t have too many suggestions to help you, look up some voluntary organizations in your area to see if there are ways you can help those less fortunate than you.

By the way, keep your parents informed of what you are up to. They deserve not to be worried about where you are. Get home on time.

Stick to the limits they have set, out of love and respect for them. Enjoy yourself. Have fun. Make the most of the time you have, and use all the opportunities that come your way.

When the summer is over and you return to your normal routine, don’t be among those whose only reply to questions about how they spent the summer is “Oh, not much really.”

Surprise everyone. Amaze them that Muslims can have fun and still behave themselves. There is no need to do haram (forbidden) things to enjoy yourself.

Remember, everything is permissible to Muslims unless it has been specifically prohibited.

- aboutislam.net

Sunday, 15 December 2024

Special Act of Worship – Tawbah

Allah has given us a special act of worship that He has not given others. Tawbah. Allah always forgives your sins, so always keep seeking tawbah. - aboutislam.net